


Fillers

by RowanSilverwolf



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Humour, Missing Scenes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:06:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 61,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7885036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RowanSilverwolf/pseuds/RowanSilverwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The bits we don't see and some after the credits roll. Kind of exploration of the Doctor's friendships with Rose, Martha and Donna and how events affected them all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rose

Rose Tyler, ordinary shop girl had just helped save the planet and was now standing inside an alien space ship and not just any space ship. One that travels in time. She could barely believe it as she took a moment to take in her surroundings. There was something warm and comforting about the coral-like interior, a little dark maybe but she definitely liked it. It was so different from home, no soft edges, no comfy chairs, well not in this room anyway. She wondered if there were any other rooms. Maybe this was it, this one big room. No, that was just stupid, he must sleep somewhere, or maybe he didn't, maybe he never slept, ever.

She looked up at the man running around the six sided control panel.

How could he be an alien? Sure, he had a space ship that travels in time, or so he says but he seems so…. normal, to look at anyway. A bit odd maybe but then most people had their moments and eccentricities didn't they?

"Spit it out," the Doctor said finally.

"What?"

"You've been standing at the doors staring at me since the moment you ran on board. Changed your mind again?" He didn't look up but she could just make out a hint of worry in his voice.

"No. I was just…."

He looked up at her now and raised his eyebrows, encouraging her to continue.

"When you say alien…how alien exactly? I mean you look normal."

"That's 'cause I am normal." He frowned, not quite understanding.

"I mean normal to me. You look like a human. You're not hiding tentacles or anything, are you?"

"Do I look like I have tentacles?"

"Well no. It's just… I've never met an alien before."

"I bet you have, you just don't realise it. As for me, I'm not all that different to you, I just have two hearts," he said airily, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Rose laughed not really accepting he was an alien, "shut up."

"What? It's true!"

Her smile faltered. "Seriously?"

He moved round the consol and down the ramp to stand in front of her, concern creasing his brow. Then his mouth refused to co-operate any more, since when was the Doctor so nervous of a human's reaction? So instead of even trying to reassure her with words he took one of her hands and placed it on the left side of his chest.

Rose looked more hesitant than ever until he moved her hand to the right side and she felt a second heart beat. Her eyes widened.

"Okay I believe you," she breathed, feeling the blood rush from her head.

"You okay?" he asked, finally finding his voice as she paled and took a small step back to lean against the doors.

"It's just a lot to take in you know. You're really an alien, an actual man from another planet and I just ran onto your spaceship."

"You can go home if you want," his voice was quiet as he moved back to the consol.

"Do you want me to?"

"I came back for you remember? But it's up to you."

After a few moments Rose shook her head, a smile crossing her lips as she ran from the doors to the control panel.

The Doctor grinned and started pressing buttons and throwing switches. "Right then, Rose Tyler. You tell me, where d'you want to go? Backwards or forwards in time, your choice, what's it gona be?"

"Forwards."


	2. End of the World

The pair sat in comfortable silence eating chips in a local café having just seen the end of the world.

The Doctor watched Rose covertly from the corner of his eye as he pretended to be watching all the passers-by through the window. There was often someone that surprised him every now and then and this time it was her. On a planet full of stupid apes like Mickey the idiot, once in a while they got it right.

He wasn't sure why he'd shared what he had, it was very unlike him. The war was a sore subject that made him ache all over. He hadn't told her much and when he didn't answer her questions she didn't push, she just knew exactly what to say.

Yes, Rose knew what to say to make him feel better and that was something he wasn't going to let go of in a hurry. He'd only know her a few hours but she'd already brought a light, a glimmer of something fantastic to his dark existence. Dare he say it? He might just have found a new friend and that made him a little excited. His years seemed to melt away ever so slightly when she smiled at him, there was such a sparkle of awe and excitement in her eyes that warmed him.

Yes, Rose Tyler was definitely different to most humans and that was what made her so fantastic.

Rose sat staring out the window, happily munching on another chip. She knew he was watching her just as she was watching him. Here they were, looking to all the world like two old friends, or even father and daughter and yet they'd only known each other a matter of hours.

He'd taken her to the end of the world and the very thought made her want to see more but he was still a complete stranger. He had a hint of darkness surrounding him and he was definitely mysterious, he wasn't her type at all but there was something about him that was almost magnetic.

She'd never thought of herself as the type to be swept away by excitement. Her and Mickey were safe and steady, no dramas, they hardly ever argued. But then maybe that was it, maybe she had become bored of living safely without realising it until now. The Doctor had saved her life twice in the short time she'd spent with him but had he actually saved more?

"So where we going next?" Rose asked finally looking directly at him. She almost laughed at the hint of surprise that flickered across his face.

"You want to stay?"

"Can't get rid of me that easily. It'll take more than a near death experience to scare me off."

The Doctor grinned, "Fantastic. Well let's see….." his grin widened. "Eat up, places to go, things to see."

Rose giggled at his sudden excitement and stood. "So? Where are we going?" she asked again, taking his arm as they went back out to the street.

"That, Miss Tyler, is a surprise."

"You're a tease!"

"Every now and then." He grinned down at her and she smiled back, the tip of her tongue poking out between her teeth. "Come on, time and space waits for…. Well me actually if I want it too!"

"Still say you're full of it!" Rose giggled as she and the Doctor disappeared down the alley and through the TARDIS doors.


	3. The Unquiet Dead

Rose and the Doctor watched the scanner as Dickens watched them disappear into the ether.

The Doctor tried not to look Rose over. When she first stepped into the consol room wearing that outfit he was sure both his hearts would stop in that instant. She looked so beautiful and he mentally kicked himself for adding the 'considering you're a human'.

Another life and death situation had developed and she seemed unaffected by it.

Rose was refreshing. She hadn't agreed with him earlier and told him so. It was an unusual occurrence, most of his companions smiled and nodded and followed him into the fray, no questions asked but not Rose. She stood her ground and made her argument but never held it against him.

Trapped in that room with the dead clamouring over each other to get to them, Rose was scared, so was he for that matter and it was his fault they were there but she hadn't cried or screamed at him. She'd done the complete opposite. She'd laid blame for her presence firmly on herself.

_'Not your fault. I wanted to come,' _she'd said. Then, just when he didn't think he could be any more proud to be dying with her she said they'd go down fighting together. He couldn't help himself, he grabbed her hand and they smiled at each other, glad to know one another.__

__"Alright?" he asked her finally, knowing that she was still upset over Gwyneth._ _

__"Yeah. It's just sad you know? Someone who writes stories will be remembered forever and a servant girl saves the world and no one will ever know."_ _

__"We know, Dickens knows. But that's not why people do it, they do it because it's the right thing to do and the right thing isn't always the easiest or most popular. Like I said, it's a different morality"_ _

__Rose looked up at him. "You do it all the time don't you?" she smiled. "And only a few know who you are."_ _

__"Well I don't like to stick around. All that fuss…" he shuddered slightly. "So, where to now?"_ _

__"Do you ever sit still?"_ _

__"Why would I want to do that? There's a whole universe out there!"_ _

__"Well, I could do with picking up a few bits from home if I'm sticking around; this place isn't very girl friendly you know."_ _

__"Been a while since she's needed to be. Right then, Powell Estate it is. We're not staying long mind!"_ _

__"'Course not. I'm going to get out of this get up. The corset is killing me. Plus I think mum might think I've gone mental if I turned up on the doorstep wearing it." She walked towards the corridor fiddling with the ties and sighed with frustration. "Um, Doctor?" she turned back to look at him._ _

__"Hmm?"_ _

__"Could, could you help me? I seem to erm, I seem to have a knot."_ _

__The Doctor swallowed his mouth suddenly dry as she walked towards him. She seemed a little nervous herself as she stopped, gave him a small smile and turned to show him her back._ _

__He hesitated as he inspected the knot. "How'd you manage that? That knot is spectacular."_ _

__"Oh I dunno, running away from zombies might have had something to do with it," she giggled as the Doctor dropped to his knees behind her to get a better look._ _

__"A bit more light would help," he huffed loudly. The TARDIS took the request and brought the lights up full._ _

__"Voice recognition?"_ _

__"Nope, didn't I tell you? The TARDIS is a sentient being," he tugged on a strand of the ribbon._ _

__"She's alive?"_ _

__"Yup. Has a sense of humour too, although it's not very funny if you ask me."_ _

__"Does she always mess up the punch line or something?" Rose giggled._ _

__"No, she shocks me, drops the lights when I need them up and vice versa. Trying to sleep in my room is almost impossible. I need an eye mask like on a plane it's so bright. She thinks it's funny."_ _

__"How can you tell?"_ _

__"Change in pitch of the humming," he told her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._ _

__Rose let out a small yelp as the corset began to slip down and grabbed it against her._ _

__"Sorry," he mumbled getting to his feet._ _

__"Thanks," she said brightly, smiling at him over her shoulder before walking back to the corridor._ _

__He grunted in response and leant against the control panel, trying to calm his nerves._ _

__Now he remembered why he didn't have girls on board!_ _


	4. Aliens of London/World War Three

Rose stood in the doorway of her new bedroom. She hadn't had a chance to think about sleeping on the TARDIS but the room was perfect. She spied her backpack on the bed and smiled. The Doctor must've brought it here while she was saying her goodbyes.

As she unpacked Rose thought about the days events.

His words echoed round her head, the look in his eyes burned into her mind.

_'I could save the world but lose you.' _He looked helpless, almost pleading for someone else to have to make the decision and she never thought she'd ever see that in him and she knew she wasn't likely to again.__

__For the first time the Doctor had looked vulnerable. His blue eyes glistened as he held her gaze and for a moment she felt the air crackle._ _

__Life and death situations definitely did strange things to a girl, for a few moments back there Mickey's comment about the Doctor being her boyfriend seemed plausible._ _

__Of course she laughed the thought off now, it was insane. He's a 900 year old alien and she was a 19 year old human shop girl. Hardly a match made in heaven. Plus there was the hard front he always put on. He didn't think she knew but she did. He wasn't anywhere near as hard and confident as he pretended to be. His earlier display of concern for her proved that. The Doctor had hesitated in saving the world because of her and that concerned her a little but it also made her smile. How many other men in the universe would do that? How many could do that?_ _

__Rose laughed to herself and put her clothes away, wondering where he'd take her next._ _

__XxXxX_ _

__Now he'd done it. She was staying which was great but he'd had to open his big mouth! Couldn't just keep unemotional, couldn't keep his stupid feelings to himself. She must think him a complete idiot or a lecherous old man. Either way it wasn't good._ _

__'See that's what happens when you spend so long on your own,' he berated himself 'you go space crazy for the first girl to cross your threshold and show any hint of kindness.'_ _

__He probably shouldn't have gone back for her in the first place but it was too late now._ _

__Maybe she wouldn't mention it; it could just slip away from conscious thought as a strange thing said in a dangerous situation with her mum on the other end of the phone. Oh God! Jackie had heard! There was no living that down now. Unless she hadn't, maybe it had been said too quietly after all Mickey hadn't commented and he definitely would've started a fight if he had, wouldn't he?_ _

__Rose Tyler was dangerous that much was obvious. He was distracted by her far too easily. Yesterday with the corset he'd struggled to think straight and then today he almost let Slitheen destroy the planet! That wasn't even a case of steadily getting worse; he'd gone from bumbling due to his lack of practice when it came to interaction with a human female to almost a complete wreck in the space of a few hours. That was obscenely ridiculous even for his mad little world._ _

__The Doctor took a deep breath and looked for something to fix on the control panel. He needed to do normal things; that was all. Having Rose on board was messing with his head because he'd become so used to being on his own since the war, her presence was interfering with his brain waves. He'd had companions before and he'd always been alright, he just needed to get back on the habit._ _

__So when Rose appeared in new, clean clothes, her damp hair falling round her shoulders he tried not to react._ _

__"Settled?" he asked._ _

__"Yeah, thanks. Never had my own bathroom before."_ _

__The Doctor silently thanked the TARDIS for adding that room onto her bedroom, Rose wandering around wet and half naked was not something he needed to see._ _

__"So…..didn't want to lose me huh?" she asked, a smile touching her lips._ _

__"No one likes to lose a friend," the Doctor countered. Looking back at the control panel. "Plus, I didn't want to get slapped again by your mum."_ _

__Rose laughed out loud. "Still can't believe she slapped you!"_ _

__"She had lots of practice? 'Cause she's a pro."_ _

__"Not that I know of, but who knows what mum gets to on her night outs."_ _

__"Please don't scare me any more." He shuddered at the memory of Jackie in her dressing gown giving him the eye._ _

__"Don't be such a wimp," she teased. "You've seen how many horrible looking aliens and my mum scares you?"_ _

__"No, your mum's hands scare me. They have incredible strength and a mind of their own I'll bet given a chance."_ _

__"Alright, I'll give you that one. I sometimes wonder if she flirted with Mickey when she first met him."_ _

__"Cradle snatcher."_ _

__"Look who's talking!"_ _

__He looked round at her in surprise. "What? I'm not… I mean we're not…"_ _

__"Oh calm down Spock. I'm teasing ya. So where next?"_ _

__"No idea, anywhere you want to go?"_ _

__"Everywhere!" she declared mirroring the grin that spread across his face as she threw her arms wide. "I want to go where ever you'll take me!"_ _

__"And I'll take you where ever you want to go. So hold on tight, Rose Tyler. We're going for pot luck!"_ _


	5. Dalek

Some days things just go from bad to worse and today the Doctor felt like he'd hit rock bottom for the first time since the Time War. He'd been tortured, come face to face with the one being that haunted his nightmares and for a few heartbreaking, nauseous moments he thought Rose was dead. He felt hollow at the mere thought even though she was safely on the TARDIS showing Adam around.

Now, he'd been tortured before, it wasn't a pleasant experience but he dealt with it, he'd come face to face with a Dalek before and been terrified by them. But he never thought he'd share anything with one of them, he'd never really considered that they were alike in any way but the creature was right. When he looked back on the things he'd done, today especially, he wasn't that far removed, Rose had said as much. What was he turning into?

He'd been so relieved when Rose had appeared on the screen he felt his throat tighten and he knew his voice thickened as he spoke, betraying him but he didn't care. Then the Dalek had spoken.

How could a creature like that know how the Doctor felt? It couldn't possibly understand could it? There was just no way it could. It had fed on Rose's DNA not his. But its words felt like a punch in the stomach, a Dalek knew more than he did and it was about time he admitted it to himself.

He supposed that was why he'd been so angry, pointing that gun at Rose and the alien. If she hadn't been here he would have killed it, not even given it a chance to do the right thing. But that was one of the things about Rose Tyler that he admired the most, she challenged him on anything she didn't agree on, made him explain himself, make her understand his side of the story. She does understand, might not like it but she does understand.

One thing the Doctor was slightly grateful for was that there was a third body on board. He'd never admit it of course and he wasn't happy about having the boy with them but it did mean Rose was distracted and that she was less likely to ask awkward questions. It had also given him a chance to calm his emotions. The Time War was finally over but it was a hollow victory.

Still, he and Rose were alive, safe and together, that's what mattered and he knew that he loved her; he just wasn't sure in what way.

XxXxX

"So how long have you been travelling with him then?" Adam asked, looking at Rose over the top of his coffee mug.

"Not long, dunno really, it all sort of gets a bit timeless in here," she shrugged.

"So where are you from?"

"London, Earth 2005."

"Wow, you're older than me then, in my time I mean."

"In your time I'll be 26. Weird huh?"

"You could say that. So… that whole time we were down stairs and I was saying that people who say they've been on a spaceship are nutters…."

"Just humouring you."

"Thanks." Adam shifted in his seat feeling uncomfortable at Rose's admission. He tried not to watch her as he sipped his coffee but he couldn't help it. She was a very attractive girl. Maybe not all that bright but attractive none the less and he had to wonder what a girl like her was doing travelling around the universe with such a cold man. "He doesn't like me much does he?"

"Who, the Doctor? He doesn't know you. The thing about him is that you never really know what he's thinking. He plays things close to the chest."

"Not with you."

"Well there are still things he won't tell me but he doesn't have many friends."

"Not surprised," Adam muttered.

"Oi, cheek. He could have left you behind," Rose chided.

"He wouldn't, not with you fighting my corner. I reckon you've got him wrapped round your little finger."

"Pfft, he follows his own rules."

"Really? How come he didn't shoot the Dalek?"

Rose stood abruptly, feeling the conversation was taking a wrong turn somewhere. "He'd never really have shot it anyway. It's not his style. Come on; let's find you a place to sleep."

XxXxX

Rose found the Doctor sat on the jump seat in the control room.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, how's your boyfriend settling in?"

She smirked a him, "he's okay. Finding it all a bit weird."

"Suppose that's to be expected. How about you? You okay?"

"Me? I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh I don't know. Not every day you're almost killed by an alien."

"It is with you!"

The pair laughed.

"Yeah I suppose it is, although it's the first time you've been left on your own with one."

"That was a little scary I guess. I dunno, it's like…. I can't describe it. Besides I'm not the one that has a history with them….. Would you really have shot it?"

"I don't know. I felt like I should. I lost everything because of them and I nearly lost you too."

A silence hung in the air. This was Rose's chance, her opportunity to ask him that all important question.

"What did it mean? When it said... when it said about saving ….me."

The Doctor shook his head. "I don't understand."

"Well it said about saving," she took a deep breath. The Doctor wasn't making this easy. "Saving the woman you love."

"Oh, that. Well, you see Daleks don't really understand emotions so it doesn't really know what it means itself."

"Oh right." She tried to hide the disappointment in her voice but failed.

"I do though."

"Do what?"

"Love you," he said simply.

"You do?"

"'Course, you're my best friend." He grinned and stood, strolling past and out into the corridor.

Rose sat staring at the control panel. He didn't really just say that did he? Mind you, she always tells her mates she loves them when they're upset. That's what he means, he just likes to wind people up and today it was her turn.

Right then, two can play at that game. She took off down the corridor after him.

"So you love me huh?" She smiled up at him, tongue poking out between her teeth the way it did when she was teasing him.

"More than…ice cream."

"Wow! That's a lot, I'm flattered."

"You should be," he told her with a smile of his own.

"Right then you. Coffee?"

"Before bed? I don't think so, what do you say to a nice mug of hot chocolate."

"Isn't that a bit… domestic?"

"Not at all! Nothing domestic about chocolate; makes a person far too happy to be domestic."

Rose laughed up at him. "Right, hot chocolate it is then."

"Fantastic."


	6. The Long Game

"Sorry," Rose said quietly.

"What for?"

"Asking to bring him along."

The Doctor shrugged. "No damage done. Not really, unless he was one of those human's who like to click their fingers all the time."

"What if that thing in his head goes off in the street?"

They looked at each other and began to laugh.

"He wasn't completely stupid though," Rose continued.

The Doctor looked up at her with a questioning smile.

"He knew I'd rather be with you than him and," she shifted awkwardly not sure how he was going to take the rest. "And he said it'd take a better man than him to get between us."

"Well that wouldn't be hard. Being a better man than him I mean."

"Why didn't you like him? Before we landed on the space station."

"I get a feeling about people, something about him was a little too….. calculating, a little too ambitious."

"But isn't ambition good?"

"Oh yeah, of course it is as long as it's not at the expense of others. Travelling the universe for fun and a bit of an education is one thing, bettering yourself on the inside, changing your destiny the honest way. But for personal gain alone? Now that's dangerous. Who knows what you'd change or whose life you could touch with one false move."

"But everything's alright though, isn't it?"

"If you don't count the fact there's a teenager walking around in 2012 with a trapdoor in his forehead, then yep, everything's fantastic."

"If we'd taken him somewhere else would he have stitched us up d'ya think?"

"Not immediately maybe. If we'd gone to the past he couldn't have got any useful information but he probably would have eventually. Some people are just born to take advantage and with someone as precocious as him, inevitable."

"So why let me try to impress him?"

"I might have been wrong about him. Besides, you liked him."

"Like you more."

"What, this daft old face over the pretty boy?"

"Okay maybe, just maybe he was a bit pretty but you know what I learned? Brains are always better in a crisis."

The Doctor chuckled. "True. I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"That you got let down."

"He wouldn't have lasted anyway, knew that from the minute he fainted. I mean come on; he hadn't even been on the receiving end of any trouble. Now if I can be attacked by shop dummies, and weird gas aliens, almost blown up in Downing Street and be taken prisoner by a Dalek and not faint then what kind a wuss goes side ways at the first sight of future earth."

"You make a good point. Only one flaw in that reasoning."

"What's that?"

"You're no normal girl, because no normal person, let alone a teenage girl could go through all of that without one single glisten of a tear and yet here you are all those adventures later still smiling."

"Well, that's just me. I'm great!"

"You know what, you just might be. Not quite as good as me of course but pretty good all the same."

"You're rubbish at the compliments aren't ya?"

"Am I? Oh, sorry. Never really had much call for them before."

"Lucky for you I'm an open minded girl, otherwise you'd have a hissy fit on your hands."

"Nope, your mother would have a hissy fit on her hands. 'Cause you'd never feel your feet touch the ground."

"Ooo fighting talk from the Time Lord," Rose teased.

"Don't test me," he warned her with mock seriousness.

"I'm so scared. I'm quaking in my boots!"

"You're not wearing boots."

Rose looked down and found she was in fact wearing her pink fluffy slippers. "Okay then smarty-pants. I'm quaking in my slippers."

"Doesn't quite have the same effect does it?"

"No, not really." She continued to look at her feet, pondering the saying.

"Fancy a bit of telly?"

"What no sudden urge to jump around the consol and drag me across the universe?"

"Thought I'd save that for tomorrow." He winked as he offered her his arm. "So what's it going to be tonight? More 'Friends'? Or perhaps some other American Earth comedy that rots the brain?"

"You love it and you know it."

"Tell a soul and I will dump you on the furthest moon," he declared as they wandered down the corridor.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?"

"Nope," she said cheerfully and confidently, almost skipping along side.

"Oh really?" His voice had a touch of false impatience. He was never good at fooling Rose; she'd learned his tells pretty quickly.

"Really and d'you wana know why? Because one; you like me too much and two; you'd be scared of my mum catching up with you."

"Touché."


	7. Fathers Day

Neither spoke as they entered the TARDIS, the events of the day weighing heavily on both of them.

Rose sat in the jump seat, staring at the lights under the grill flooring as the Doctor got them as far away as possible.

He didn't know what to say to her. He'd lost everyone in his life, he was the cause of most of it but right now he was lost for the words of comfort she needed right now.

Looking up at her through his lashes he saw the tears rolling down her face as she willed herself not to cry.

The Doctor finally got the ship moving then gave in to his instincts. Rounding the consol in a few strides he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, but still said nothing.

Rose gripped fiercely at his coat as she buried her face in his shoulder. Today was the first time the Doctor had ever hugged her. The first hug in the church caught her by surprise but she welcomed it. She'd never seen the Doctor as a hugging type but apparently he was and she was glad he was here.

She wasn't sure if she could ever tell him what had made her so upset, wasn't sure that he'd understand. He'd given her an amazing gift; she'd been able to meet her dad, to be there for him.

But she'd betrayed the Doctor's trust and even though he'd forgiven her in the church she couldn't shake the guilt, and that was before he'd disappeared. She didn't think she could bear it if she lost him too.

She'd only known her father for a couple of hours and it was bad enough losing him but the Doctor had made such an impact on her life, such a difference that the thought of losing him made her ache even more.

"It wasn't your fault," he whispered against her hair.

"Yes it was."

"No," his voice was gentle as he pried her away to look at her. "I shouldn't have taken you back the second time. I shouldn't have taken you the first."

"Why did you?"

He sighed, "Because Rose Tyler, you have me wrapped round your little finger."

She offered him a watery smile. "I really am sorry, I never meant for any of it to happen."

"I know and it's over now. You're safe."

"And my dad's still dead."

The Doctor winced at the words. "Sorry."

Rose shook her head. "There wasn't another way, not without you."

"Your dad was a smart man. Now I know where you get your brains from. I knew it couldn't be from your mother.

"Oi, no insulting my mum," she warned, a whisper of a smile tugging at her lips. "Thought I'd lost you," she whispered.

"Can't get rid of me that easily."

Her face began to crumple with a fresh set of tears.

"Do you want to go and see your mum?"

Rose shook her head. "I wouldn't know what to say to her. Not yet. You know, you've never hugged me before."

"Didn't think you were in need of a hug before, you know how to handle yourself."

"Well for the record, I like your hugs. You give good hugs."

The Doctor smiled softly. "Nice to know. It's not something I get to do very often. Come on." He reached his hand out to her.

"Where are we going?"

"This chair is not comfortable enough for an upset traveller. Sofa and hot chocolate."

"But I'm not sleepy."

"You don't have to have hot chocolate just before you go to bed you know. It's a good cheer up remedy."

"Fair enough." She took his hand and held on to his arm tightly as he led her through the TARDIS, feeling slightly better than she did. The Doctor had that effect on her; he always found a way to make a horrible situation better.

"You get settled and find something to rot our brains and I'll get the drinks in," he told her cheerfully as he passed the living room.

Within minutes he was back with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

Rose curled into him as he stripped his leather jacket and settled himself beside her.

"Alright?" he asked as she sighed.

"Much better. Thank you. Thank you for not staying mad at me, thank you for the chocolate and I know you shouldn't have but thank you for taking me. You gave me something I could never imagine. I got a few hours with my dad, how many other people who've lost someone can say they got extra time?"

"Like I said, wrapped round your little finger."

"Well don't let me do it again. Don't want you disappearing on me again."

"Promise."

It didn't take long for Rose to fall asleep after that. She looked content and peaceful so the Doctor didn't want to wake her. Shuffling out from beneath her head he grabbed his jacket and headed back to the control room.

Today had made him realise he couldn't take things for granted. Jackie was right, he couldn't promise that Rose would always be safe or that he'd be there to protect her but he could keep his promise to always get her home.

He stood in front of the control panel, knowing exactly what he needed to do and took a deep breath.

"This is emergency programme one…"

XxXxX


	8. The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances

Jack watched his new friends laugh and dance their way round the consol. He'd been all over the place and seen things most people could only ever dream of but he'd never seen a ship like this and never in the hands of a pair of humans.

"So if you're not Time Agents who are you?" he asked finally.

Rose looked at the Doctor.

"Just a pair of travellers," the Time Lord told him in a non-committal tone.

"No one who's 'just a traveller' knows the things you do."

"They do if they get around a lot."

"So you're a traveller who gets around a lot with no name?"

"That's me, the traveller with no name. Sound a bit like a country song, don't you think?"

Rose couldn't help the smirk that was tugging at her lips. It was like watching a pair of teenage boys trying to get one up on each other. She'd never seen the Doctor in this kind of situation before. She knew he didn't trust Jack but there was a hint of something else. The way he'd jumped in when she'd asked Jack if he'd like dance when he'd got through the doors. It was almost like he was jealous, like he didn't want her to loose interest in him. Has to be the centre of attention; all the time. Except when she thought about it she didn't really believe that. He didn't have to be the centre of attention and he wasn't, not through choice. He always had the answers but he'd happily slip into the background if he could. He was such a contradiction at times that Rose's mind boggled trying to figure him out.

"Okay so where are you from?" Jack wasn't giving up. Something about this man didn't add up.

"Well, Rose here is from good old twenty first century London."

"And you?"

"I live here."

"Don't try to kid a kidder, Doctor. You know I could hack into your computers and find out."

"I'd like to see you try," the Doctor chuckled.

Jack rounded the control panel to the monitor and stared in confusion. "What is that?" he asked looking at the strange shaped on the screen.

"Mileage of course. She's telling us how far and fast we're travelling."

"That's not any language I know."

"There are more things in the universe than you've seen Jack my boy."

"I'm gona keep asking and searching until I find out who you are you know. No normal traveller has a ship this big crammed into a small blue box and you carry around alien technology."

"So do you, or are you forgetting the Sonic Blaster?"

"Doctor," Rose looked at him wearily.  
"Remember what happened with Adam?" He looked at her pointedly.

"Jack's different!"

The Doctor raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"What? He is, he's saved my life twice and saved yours. Adam never did that. Besides. What's he going to do? He's got no ship, thanks to saving us by the way, he's got no where to go, lost two years of his memories and his sonic blaster doesn't work anymore because someone blew up the spare battery warehouse. Not exactly a huge threat is he?"

The Doctor regarded Rose for a moment before returning his suspicious gaze back to Jack. "You're right. I'm not from round here. I'm a Time Lord."

Rose watched Jack's eyes widen. "That's not possible. Time Lords are just legend."

"I'm the last," he said softly, averting his gaze. "The soul survivor." The words stuck in his throat.

"I'm sorry," Jack almost whispered.

The Doctor looked back at the con man and saw a sincerity there that gave him hope that this man was worth having a bit of faith in. Maybe people could change; maybe Jack was just s victim of circumstance with no one to guide him in the right direction. Well not any more. He and Rose wouldn't let him be a criminal, they couldn't. Maybe Jack deserved a second chance and if anyone was going to give it, it might as well be them.

"So what do we do for fun around here apart from teasing the poor man about his dancing skills?" Jack declared loudly, moving the subject on to lighter things after seeing the sadness of the Time Lord.

"Well I need to adjust some things in the cloisters so entertain yourselves," the Doctor told them cheerily and walked towards the corridor. "Oh and don't touch anything," he looked pointedly at Jack.


	9. Boom Town

Rose sat alone in her bedroom. Jack and the Doctor were still fiddling with the extrapalator, she hadn't really been listening. They'd taken Margaret home, a whistle-stop tour it had been. Rose hadn't even set foot outside the ship. After seeing Mickey she didn't feel like getting involved in anything just now. She was tired and sad and angry with herself.

She had treated him so badly, running off with the Doctor without even really staying in touch unless she wanted something. She felt like the most horrible person on the planet. She'd got upset and jealous about Trisha Delaney when she'd had no right. She'd have taken it as a sign that he meant more to her than she realised but then as soon as there was a hint of trouble she ran back to the Doctor without a backward glance to check Mickey was with her or even safe.

What did that say about her?

"It says things have changed," Jack's voice floated through the doorway. "Talking to yourself Rosie?"

"Am I a horrible person Jack?"

"In the grand scheme of evil deeds done by human's everyday this ranks with farting in a lift," he told her flopping down beside her on her bed.

She couldn't help but laugh. "I think it's a tad worse than that."

"Depends on the fart and the size of the lift. Rosie, listen. It's only normal for you to get sidetracked living this life. No one could blame you for that."

"But I left him behind. My mum thought he'd murdered me and then I got annoyed when he said he was seeing someone else like I thought he should be waiting for me or something!"

"He obviously didn't put up much of a fight. If you were my girl I'd be fighting everyday to keep you, not taking up with the first girl that shows interest. The problem with most guys in the 21st century is that they don't know how to hold onto a girl. They think it should be easy and the minute it gets a little harder than sitting in the pub watching the football they bail. Your situation is so much more complicated than that granted but shouldn't that make it more worth the fight? You have a friend who can travel through time and space; who does fantastic things in the universe and you're a part of that. You've saved more worlds than most people even know exist more times than I can count. You are a spectacular girl with a spectacular life. Of course that doesn't complicate things anywhere near as much as the fact that you have a huge crush on that particular friend."

Rose's eyes widened.

"Oh don't look so shocked. I don't blame you. He's a pretty hard act to beat. Some men get scared away by that kind of competition obviously Mickey is one of them. Still think he's a wimp for not fighting hard enough. Just do me a favour Rosie. Never settle. You deserve to be given the universe; don't settle for a half hearted attempt. When you know what you want, stick with it."

Rose smiled at him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Don't tell him will you?"

"Not a word, I swear. He's not the sort of guy you could tell that to unless it was a joke."

"Like you mean?"

"I can get away with it because he is very definitely straight."

"How can you tell?"

"A guy knows these things. Don't get me wrong, given the right circumstances and the right stimulation he might sway in the opposite direction but with you around no one else stands a chance."

"Stop it," she grinned. "No one would stand a chance because he'd never leave himself that open."

"Well there's that too. He's a very guarded person but he does soften when you're around. He kinda lights up, like you give him an energy boost. Just remember, no matter what happens we both love you no matter what okay? We're a team and we stick together."

"Too right," the Doctor declared walking into the room. "Thought you were going to find out if Rose wanted tea?"

"Sorry got distracted."

"You alright?" The Doctor frowned at her, noticing the usual sparkle missing from her eyes.

Rose shrugged. "I will be."

"We can still go back and find him. We'll get back to London before he does."

"No thanks. Think that ship has sailed."

"I'm sorry," he told her softly, crouching down in front of her, offering her a small smile. "Okay tea is all well and good but a situation like this means bringing out the big guns."

"Absolutely. I have to say Doc, I've been complimented before but no one's ever called it a gun before. Although, as great as the idea sounds, I don't think that's what Rose needs right now," Jack told him making Rose laugh.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and stood, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Mind always in the gutter Captain. I mean an age old tradition and one that I love the human race for. Get off to the living room." He disappeared out of the room, joining them in the living room moments later with three tubs of ice cream.

Rose grinned at him as he presented her with her favourite strawberry cheesecake flavour. "How'd you know?"

"Ah you see, you think I don't pay attention." He grinned, dropping in the space on the sofa beside her.

"Thank you." She pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek with made him blush ever so slightly.

Rose looked round at Jack who just grinned cheekily at her.

"See, who could beat us as a team? We're just too good!" the Time Agent announced before sucking on his spoon as they all settled down to watch some television.

XxXxX


	10. Bad Wolf/Parting of the ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sniff, sniff. It's THAT episode. Still look what we ended up with ladies! Must explain why I started where I did. If any of you missed the Children in need special that was set just after "Where was I? oh that's right, Barcelona!" You might wana try and find it on the net. That's the whole reason I've started the Doctor/Rose part of this one where I have. We've already seen Rose's immediate reaction. Anyway, first we've got poor Jacky boy to see.

Jack stood staring at the spot where the TARDIS had stood. He was gone. The Doctor was gone. He'd left him behind. Didn't the Doctor know he was alive?

He can't have, Jack reasoned. The Doctor wouldn't have left him behind if he had known, he wouldn't. They were a team, the three of them together.

Jack sighed and flopped to the floor. He'd been dead. He was sure he'd died but somehow something had brought him back to life. Maybe the Doctor had gone to get Rose and was coming back. He almost laughed at the thought. This Doctor wasn't a repeat visitor. Land, do the job, move on.

Jack had to face facts; he was well and truly stuck, the only survivor left on board the game station. Abandoned and alone.

No change there then, still at least the Doctor hadn't wiped his memories. The old Jack would have found a corner to curl up in and waste away. Not any more. The Doctor had made him into a fighter. He wasn't just going to sit here feeling sorry for himself; he still had his Time Vortex Manipulator. Jack Harkness was going to find a way back to 20th century earth, track down the Doctor and slap him six ways to Sunday!

Oh no, Captain Jack was down but not out. Just you watch Time Lord, you're not the only one capable of the near impossible.

XxXxX

Mickey and Rose struggled through the front door, carrying the Doctor between them.

"Better put him in my room. Your room's still a tip," Jackie said, guiding them in.

"Careful!" Rose snapped as Mickey dumped the Doctor heavily on the bed.

"Like he's gona notice!"

"That's not the point."

The three stood staring at the unconscious man.

"Where's Jumping Jack Flash anyways?" Mickey muttered, still unsure if he was happy to see Rose or not.

"I don't know," Rose replied quietly.

"Oh," he shuffled from foot to foot unsure how to respond. "So what do we do now?"

"Well, first things first," Jackie declared, suddenly overtaken my motherly instinct. "First we make him more comfortable. Mickey, help me get that jacket off."

Rose started unlacing his boots, her gaze flicking back to his face every few seconds. It still shocked her to look at him. She kept expecting to look up into quizzical blue eyes and hearing his northern accent declaring them all completely mad. But this was real. This stranger lying on her mum's bed was her best less than half an hour ago, now she didn't know who he was.

She hadn't notice her mother retrieve a pair of pyjamas from one of her drawers.

"Here, these should fit him. Mickey, I think me and Rose can cope. Why don't you put the kettle on?" Jackie told him, shutting the door behind him as he left. "Right, come on you. Lets make this quick."

Between them Rose and Jackie had the Doctor stripped and changed before Mickey had even put the milk in the tea.

"There, see? Much better." She looked up at her daughter. "You alright love?"

Rose shook her head. "I don't know. He's gona be alright isn't he?"

"'Course he is sweetheart," Jackie assured her, putting her arm round her shoulders. "Tough as old boots your Doctor." They both stood looking at him for a moment.

"He looks like he's getting paler," Rose murmured.

"Let's get him tucked in. A decent rest is what he needs by the looks of him although I reckon he should go to hospital."

"No! You can't. Alien, remember?!"

"You look shattered. Why don't you get your head down for a bit?"

Rose shook her head as she helped her mother manoeuvre the Time Lord under the duvet. "I want to be here when he wakes up. I need to talk to him."

Jackie sighed and left her daughter sitting on the bed staring at the new man.

XxXxX

"I mean how do we even know it's him?" Mickey asked. "What if he's one of those things that have those zips in their head?"

"He's not," Rose told him. "I know he's not. He couldn't know the things he does if he was. Besides there's no zip on his head."

There was an awkward silence between them and Mickey shuffled in the doorway, unsure of what to say. He was never a priority when the Doctor was around and now he had Rose fawning over him in his sleep. If that really was the Doctor then he was a lot better looking than the last time Mickey had laid eyes on him and it made his stomach twist. Before when it had been her and big ears it hadn't mattered, that version wasn't Rose's type. Too old and weird looking. But this new one, Mickey wasn't so sure.

"So, how long's it been since we saw you?"

"Dunno, a couple of hours," she shrugged her eyes never leaving the Doctor.

"Not enough time to miss us then?"

Rose didn't respond. She was studying him, Mickey noticed. Trying to convince herself it was really him probably.

"Why'd he pick Christmas Eve to come home?"

"He thought I wanted to come home so he brought me. Said it was a Christmas present. Can't believe he didn't tell me he could do this."

Mickey nodded to himself and sighed. There was no way he was going to be able to keep her attention and he really had to get back to the garage. "Listen I've gotta lock up. How bout I come back and we can go shopping? Get your mum a present?"

"Yeah, sure," Rose replied not really listening, she didn't even hear the door close behind him.

"You and me are so gona have words when you wake up!" she told the sleeping Doctor. "Doesn't this seem like the sort of thing you should've told me about?!" she paused and watched him for any sign of a response but he remained still. "Please wake up. What else haven't you told me?"

She heard the front door go and her mum swept into the room holding a stethoscope.

"There we go. Tina the cleaners got the lodger, medical student. And she was fast asleep so I just took it. I still say we should take him to hospital."

XxXxX


	11. Christmas invasion

The four wandered back up to the flat, shaking off the ash that had gathered on their clothing.

"I've got enough tidying up to do without hoovering that stuff up too! In fact take your shoes off," Jackie told them.

"Mum!" Rose complained. "Will you stop fussing?"

"I haven't got any doors thanks to this one and a tonne of mess to clean up," she reminded them, jerking her thumb at the Doctor. "I don't want to add any more!"

"Sorry Jackie," he mumbled his apology as he bent to untie his plimsolls.

"You're not really going to take them off are you?" Rose hissed.

The Doctor looked up at his companion. "Of course," he whispered, "she might slap me."

"Don't be such a whimp." Shaking her head Rose stepped inside leaving him and Mickey on the doorstep untangling their laces.

The Doctor looked over at Mickey. "Hey, I'm with you. I'd rather a million splinters in my feet than risk one of Jackie's slaps," the boy admitted.

Grinning, the Doctor straightened; plimsolls in hand and stepped over the threshold.

Rose and Jackie were clearing the remnants of Christmas dinner from the table.

"Just leave it by the sink love. I'll deal with it later. Tea anyone?"

XxXxX

Rose watched the Doctor fidget in his seat as they all sat watching television. Well they were all pretending to watch the television but Rose noticed that like her, her mother and Mickey were both watching the Doctor out the corner of their eye.

It was a bit like watching a caged animal. One minute he'd be twisting the ends of his hair, next he'd stretch his legs out. She was sure he was about to jump out of his seat any second.

Sure enough a few moments later he slipped out of the living room, disappearing down the hall. Jackie spared him a full glance as he passed before looking at her daughter questioningly. Mickey on the other hand didn't bat an eyelid; he just turned his full attention to the Christmas movie.

When he didn't return Rose began to worry and went to find him. She didn't have to look hard. He was sat in the middle of the hallway, cross-legged like a pixie with his sonic screwdriver in his hand.

"What are you doing?" Rose asked, flopping herself down next to him.

"I…..am trying to…" he narrowed his eyes in concentration and ran his tongue along his bottom lip, "fix your mum's bedroom door."

"And how exactly are you intending on doing that? It's completely shattered." She picked up a shard of wood from beside her and flipped it in her hand.

"Ah ha! That's the chap!" the Doctor declared cheerfully catching the piece and laying it next to some already carefully arranged pieces on the floor. "Now, if I can just find the right setting…..there we are and…ta-da!"

Rose stared at the wood for a moment before picking it up. "I don't believe it; you've welded the wood back together?"

"Yup. Well technically I just reattached the fibres, you can't weld wood 'cause, well wood doesn't melt but it does mean I can give Jackie back her bedroom door, which I think we'll all be grateful for…"

Rose watched him as he continued to babble on about weird and wonderful sounding things that did and did not melt whilst carefully reattaching bits of wood together.

"You're staring."

His voice filtered through her thoughts.

"Sorry. Just a bit…..weird. You're you but not."

"Try being me!"

"What are you two doing on the floor?" Jackie asked walking to the bathroom.

"He's fixing your door."

"Oh, that's nice. Mind you don't get any glue on the floor."

Rose and the Doctor looked at each other and laughed.

"So what are we doing?"

"Well, as you just told your mother; I'm fixing a door" he turned his attention back to his task, "and you're still trying to settle yourself with me being me. Jackie is… well I don't want to know what Jackie's doing in there and Mickey is being his gormless self."

"I meant us; you really want me to come with you?"

He looked up at her, concern sparkling in his eyes. "Why? Have you changed your mind? I know it's a lot to take in but it…"

Rose pressed a finger to his lips and her eyes lingered too long. She felt a blush creep up her cheeks. "You babble."

"Sorry," he said against her finger.

"I meant what are we doing, as in you, me and the TARDIS? Mum's never gona let us leave tonight."

"Oh right, yes. I um…I wasn't planning on leaving just yet." He stood and propped the main piece of the door against the wall, inspecting its edges. "Hand me that bit would you?"

Rose passed him the wood he'd been working on and watched him grin widely to himself as he pointed his Sonic Screwdriver at them.

"There we are, good as new….sort of. Now all it needs is hinges." He ran his tongue along his bottom lip and made a clucking sound before running off out into the night.

"Where's he off to? Jackie asked from behind Rose.

"Dunno. Said he needed hinges then just ran," Rose shrugged.

"'Ere, where'd that door come from? Looks just like mine!"

"It is yours mum," Rose giggled. "The Doctor put it back together for you."

"Now what's he go and do that for?" Jackie's voice was suddenly soft and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"Probably 'cause you made that crack earlier about the state of the flat being his fault."

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that. Believe me I'd rather he made a mess and kept you safe. Mind you, he's a bit of a looker now isn't he?" she giggled.

"Who is?" The Doctor asked appearing at the front door again, rubbing his hand through his hair, ridding it of any stray bits of ash that were still floating from the night sky.

When he looked back up Rose was biting her lip.

"What?...what?"

Jackie and Rose had burst out laughing.

"WHAT?!"

"Your hair!" Jackie managed to gasp.

"Oh." He furiously patted it down, looking slightly embarrassed.

"What's so funny?" Mickey asked padding into the hall.

"Nothing. Doesn't matter," Jackie told him heading back to the living room.

"Mickey, care to give us a hand?" the Doctor asked hopefully, waving the hinges at him.

XxXxX

Returning to the living room the boys made themselves comfy on the sofa once more.

"What are we watching?" Mickey asked.

"One of the Christmas episodes of 'Friends'," Rose replied with a sigh.

"Which one?"

"Dunno. Hasn't started yet. Have you noticed that Christmas telly gets worse every year? A couple of good programmes followed by a tonne of rubbish."

"That's because we're supposed to all be too drunk to still be awake at eleven pm let alone care," Jackie yawned. "You not got anything worth watching in that box of yours Doctor?"

There was no reply.

Jackie and Rose both leaned forward to see round Mickey and found the Doctor fast asleep.

"'E's not ill again is 'e?"

"I think he's just sleeping," Mickey said softly. "Tell ya what though, that don't seem like a half bad idea. Think I might make a move."

"You're not gona stay?" Jackie was a little surprised.

"No room," he explained not trying to hide the amusement in his voice.

"Wake 'im up. I'm sure he'd rather sleep in that box," Jackie suggested.

"Don't you dare!" Rose hissed.

"I was joking Rose. It's the most peaceful I've ever seen 'im."

The Doctor shifted slightly in his sleep turning away from the room to burrow further into the sofa as Mickey stood.

"Sorry," he whispered, earning soft mumble from the Time Lord. "Night Jackie. Rose, text me before you leave, yeah?"

Rose nodded at her former boyfriend and gave him a kiss on the cheek as he left.

"Right then, s'pose I better get 'is nibs a blanket or something," Jackie sighed.

"Get to bed mum, I'll sort him out," Rose assured her, suddenly feeling very sleepy herself.

"Merry Christmas love." She hugged her daughter tightly before turning to her room and Rose went to the airing cupboard.

When she returned to the living room the Doctor was awake and stood at the window, staring out at the London skyline through the net curtain.

"You get a better view if you move the curtain," Rose told him.

"'s'all right, I've already seen it." He turned and grinned at his companion.

"Thought you might want this," she told him, holding up a blanket, "unless you want to go back to the TARDIS. It's fine if you do but you're welcome to stay here. But it's up to you, I know you don't like domestics and stuff so I'll understand if you…..what?" She stopped mid-sentence as she saw the amused look on his face.

"And you say I babble. I'll stay; one night won't kill me, besides the TARDIS is all the way round the corner."

"Lazy wotsit," Rose teased.

"I'll go if you like," his face lost its jollity and was suddenly etched with concern.

"No!" she winced at the panic she heard in her own voice but the Doctor didn't react to it he just smiled softly.

"I'm not going anywhere just yet," he said taking a step towards her. "I'd never hear the end of it if I left you behind."

"True. I'm still mad at you though."

"What for?"

"Let's start with sending me home for one!"

"When?"

"Yesterday, you remember the games station!"

"Oh… Rose," he tugged on his ear and shoved his other hand in his pocket. "If I hadn't sent you home we'd both be dead. There was no way the delta wave was going to save us. I promised I would always bring you home and I will do anything to keep that promise."

"Including betraying me?"

"In didn't betray you Rose. Betrayal would have been keeping you with me and letting you think we were going to survive when I knew otherwise."

"Fine, I'll let you have that one," she huffed. "What about this whole changing your face though? Why didn't you tell me that could happen?"

"I just didn't get round to it. I wasn't particularly planning on dying!"

"So, what? You didn't think that information might be important? We run for our lives every day. It didn't occur to you that one day you might not run fast enough?"

"No. It's not like we've been aimlessly floating in the ether is it? And it's not something I like to think about. I'm sorry that I scared you and I'm sorry that I never got round to telling you but at 900 years of age somethings are bound to slip my mind!"

Rose could see the genuine upset in his eyes and felt her resolve crumble. "Just, don't do it again," she mumbled.

"I aim not to but I can't promise that I'm never going to die again. But," he took another step towards her and took one of her hands in his, "I can promise that I'll always come back for you whenever possible and that I won't not tell you things you need to know, how 'bout that?"

"Suppose it'll do."

The Doctor grinned and pulled her in for a hug which startled Rose slightly. She was used to being hugged when they'd just got out of danger or when the Doctor was ecstatic about figuring something out but not just because. There were a lot of new things about her Doctor and although she missed the way he was she had a sneaking suspicion that life with the new Doctor would be more exciting if that was possible.

He flopped down on the sofa, pulling Rose with him.

"So what did I miss while I was asleep?"

"Which time?"

"I wasn't asleep just now, I was dozing. I meant earlier, before I saved the day, yet again."

"Not much. Meant to ask. When we were on that ship, before the fight you called that alien something but the TARDIS didn't translate. What did you say?"

"Oh, something far too insulting for young ears," he grinned.

"What did you say?"

"I will not sully your mind with such language."

"Spoil sport. Okay what did you say to Harriet Jones' sidekick then? I mean it must've been pretty bad to cause her such trouble."

"I said 'don't you think she looks tired?'"

"That's it?"

"What? It was enough to kill Margaret Thatcher's career!"

"Seriously?"

"Oh yes."

"Wow, better never get on the wrong side of you then!"

"Good plan."

The pair chatted and giggled for a while, occasionally reminding each other to keep the noise down for fear of waking Jackie.

Eventually sleep took hold and that's where Jackie found them in the morning, both stretched out on the sofa, Rose's head tucked under the Doctor's chin.

Despite the rocky start she had to admit, this Christmas hadn't been too bad all things considered, in fact they'd had fun, after the aliens of course.

Her eyes unexpectedly met a pair of warm chocolate brown ones.

"Tea?" she whispered.

The Doctor gave a small nod and a grateful smile as he gently tried to wake Rose.

XxXxX


	12. New Earth

"You sure you're alright?" the Doctor asked, throwing his coat over one of the support beams.

"I'm fine, honestly," Rose assured him, flopping heavily on the jump seat.

He stepped in front of her and leaned back against the control panel inspecting her face carefully. "Well, there are no obvious signs of any brain damage. You know your name and you remember who I am so that's a good start."

"As if I could for get that!" she smiled.

"Well you never know, you might have been expecting old big ears. It's only been a couple of days and something as new as that can get distorted in the brain with something as dangerous as that machine."

"What was that thing anyway? How did it work?"

"What the Psychograft? Well…. It's a little complicated so I'll give you the condensed version, save on the brain ache for another day. Basically, it transferred her mind into yours forcing your mind into a deep dark corner, making it as small as possible."

"Could it have killed me?"

"Yes," his voice was quiet but his eyes never left hers. "That's why they're illegal, they compress your mind down until there's nothing left."

"Would it have hurt?"

"How did you feel while you were in there? Did it hurt?"

"No I don't think it did. It was like…you know when you're asleep but you think you're at work or something? You know you're in bed, in your own room but part of your brain is telling you you're surrounded by people and you can see both places."

The Doctor nodded. "It wouldn't have hurt. It's just against the rights of the owner of the body. There's no way of controlling who ends up where and what they do. It's basically a forced eviction resulting in murder."

Rose nodded and rubbed her eyes.

"Go and get some rest. You'll feel better in a few hours."

"I'm not tired," she yawned then smiled sheepishly.

"Really?"

"Okay, okay, I'm going," she shakily got to her feet, the Doctor hovering close by while she got her bearings, ready to catch her if she fell.

"Are you going to be alright getting there on your own?"

"I'll be fine, stop worrying."

"Never," he muttered too quietly for her to hear. He watched her carefully make her way down the corridor until she was out of sight.

Sighing he rubbed the back of his neck and set about trying to find something to fix.

_'Ooh, he's slim. And a little bit foxy.' ___

__The Doctor shook his head and frowned. "Now where did that come from?...Oh wait….that was me. Great! I'm going to be having those weird thoughts running through my head all night now!"_ _

__'You've thought so too. I've been inside your head... You've been looking... you like it.'_ _

____"Oh shut up Cassandra!" he groaned, pulling on the repair hatch in the floor._ _ _ _

____XxXxX_ _ _ _

____Rose fell onto her bed and sighed. She was tired but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep._ _ _ _

____The Doctor hadn't commented on anything Cassandra had said or done but in a way it was making Rose feel even more uneasy. Did he believe any of it? Maybe he thought is was just Cassandra winding him up. She hoped so. Yes she'd been looking, every now and then she would watch him, the way he did things. He was so different now and she had to admit she liked it. He'd always been full of energy but it was a more youthful excitement now, like he was actually excited about what they were doing rather than excited about showing her new things. She was going to struggle to keep up with him though. Blimey he was like a whippet out of the starting gate when he started running; he still grabbed her hand though, even when they weren't in danger and she felt the tingle of the universe travel up her arm every time._ _ _ _

____She thought about his face. She could definitely see her old Doctor in there, behind all the hair and the big brown eyes. He still got that steely look when he was angry, although now it was ever so slightly more threatening and she never wanted to be on the receiving end. Other times his eye were so warm it was like looking at melted chocolate._ _ _ _

____Shaking her head she berated herself for being so silly._ _ _ _

____"Alien, Rose. He's a 900 year old alien! It would never work and will never happen." She stood and stalked over to her dressing table and sat on the stool. "He's seen more things than you could ever dream of. Why would he be interested in a 19 year-old shop girl from earth? And why would you even want him to notice? It's just all the space stuff, it's messing with your head. A shower and sleep and it'll be fine." She stood, resolved to put the incident behind her when visions of kiss slammed into the front of her mind._ _ _ _

____No, it was no good; she needed to know he was okay about it. After all who knows, he might decide to dump her off back home!_ _ _ _

____XxXxX_ _ _ _

____The Doctor yelped as the TARDIS sparked him yet again. He raised his fingers to his mouth and bashed his head on the grating yet again._ _ _ _

____"You're enjoying this!" he accused his ship._ _ _ _

____"Having trouble?" Rose's voice had a hint of amusement to it._ _ _ _

____"A little. You okay? I thought you'd be sleeping by now." He pulled himself out from the pit, concern etched on his face._ _ _ _

____"I couldn't. I needed to ask you something?"_ _ _ _

____"Oh?"_ _ _ _

____She saw him tense slightly and she almost backed down. "We're okay aren't we?"_ _ _ _

____The concern on his face morphed into confusion and his shoulders relaxed. "'Course we are, why'd you ask?"_ _ _ _

____"Well I just thought…. After Cassandra you might…. I dunno feel a bit….wary."_ _ _ _

____The Doctor leant back against the control panel and folded his arms, an amused smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, little did Rose realise he was desperately trying to ignore the fact that most of the buttons on her top were still undone._ _ _ _

____"It was a little odd but then our lives would be incredibly dull if odd things didn't happen."_ _ _ _

____"So you're not feeling awkward about….anything?"_ _ _ _

____"Why?" He suddenly looked concerned again. "What did I do? Oh god now you've got me wondering if there's something I did that I don't remember! You'd tell me wouldn't you? If I'd done something…. Embarrassing?"_ _ _ _

____"What aside from checking yourself out you mean?"_ _ _ _

____"Yes, thank you aside from that!"_ _ _ _

____"You didn't do anything Doctor. I think I did though and I just wanted you to know I'm sorry."_ _ _ _

____He frowned. "Whatever for?"_ _ _ _

____"For…kissing you," she looked away sheepishly, unable to meet his eyes. She almost winced as he pushed away from the control panel and took a step towards her._ _ _ _

____"Ah, so that's what this is about. One question; were you in charge of your body at the time?"_ _ _ _

____"No."_ _ _ _

____"Well there you are then!" He spread his arms wide to emphasise his point. "Nothing to worry about." He leant forward and forced her to look him in the eyes. His eyes were soft but serious, just as they had been when he was trying to convince her of who he was after he'd changed. "Everything is okay Rose. We're alive, we're safe and we're together. Nothing to worry about I promise."_ _ _ _

____She felt powerless to do anything but nod in agreement. There was something so powerful about they way he looked at her sometimes that she lost the inability to do anything but nod. She was sure he must think she was a complete idiot sometimes._ _ _ _

____"Now, Rose Tyler. Do you think you'll be able to sleep now?"_ _ _ _

____"Yeah," she told him, her voice little more than a whisper as her lids began to feel heavy. "You didn't hypnotise me or anything did you?"_ _ _ _

____"No," he chuckled. "Why'd you ask?"_ _ _ _

____"'Cause my eyes suddenly feel really heavy."_ _ _ _

____He took her by the shoulders and led her into the corridor. "That is nature. Nothing to do with me at all," he assured her guiding to her room. "Now, you get a good night's sleep. Plenty to do tomorrow."_ _ _ _

____"Why what we doing tomorrow?"_ _ _ _

____"Same thing we do every day Pinky, try to take over the world!"_ _ _ _

____Rose gave a weary giggle._ _ _ _

____"Good night Rose," he whispered as they reached her room. "Sweet dreams."_ _ _ _

____"Night Doctor."_ _ _ _

____She looked so cute when she was half asleep he couldn't help but place a light kiss to the top of her head before leaving her._ _ _ _

____As he walked down the quiet corridor he sighed to himself. This new regeneration had an even harder time of keeping a safe distance from Rose than the old one. In fact he'd go so far as to say if he wasn't careful he would become far too attached to his current companion._ _ _ _

____Mind you Cassandra had drugged him; it was probably that making him feel that way. He almost laughed out loud at himself with that thought!_ _ _ _

_____'Yeah and maybe earth's entire population of pigs is preparing for a ceremonial flyby!' ____ _ _ _

______XxXxX_ _ _ _ _ _


	13. Tooth and claw

Rose looked over at the Doctor as he joined her in howling.

"You're staring, again" he said suddenly, fixing her with an analytical look.

"Sorry. Still getting used to you."

He smiled at her.

"I mean there is no way you would've stood there howling before."

"So are we going to be comparing everything that's different about me?"

"Sorry, I can't help it though. You're more like a big kid now."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Rose just smiled. "So come on then Mister Universe; does this mean that all those stories about Werewolf are true?"

"'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy'. Remember that one Rose?"

"Dickens said it to you in Cardiff," she nodded.

"Shakespeare. 'Hamlet' Act 1 scene 5. Besides rule one of writing fiction; write what you know. All fiction has at least an element of truth in it whether it's the facts or the emotions it all comes from the writer's truth."

"So that's a yes then."

"Yes Rose, most of the stories were based on true events," he smiled.

"I can't believe I got banished from my own country! Does that mean I can never go home?" She saw the Doctor's eyes light up with amusement at the thought.

"Now that would be a brilliant phone call. Oh to be a fly on the wall in Jackie's flat that day. 'Hi Mum," he raised his voice an octave, imitating Rose.

"I do not sound like that!"

"'I won't be coming home for a while,'" he continued. "'Well you see the thing is, we save Queen Victoria from this werewolf, right? Only it wasn't a werewolf it was an alien, anyway she knighted the Doctor and made me Dame Rose but she banished us from ever returning so I won't be coming home. Love you bye!' Oh I can just see the air turning blue in the Tyler residence. Quick where's your phone?!"

"Behave," Rose giggled. "You are still mean when you want to be."

"You don't know the half of it," he mumbled. "Well, 1979 went a bit wrong but I know there's one part of 1979 I can show you that I can't get wrong."

"What's that?"

"The Muppets Movie!" he grinned manically and grabbed her hand, pulling her with him as he ran down the corridor.

XxXxX

He watched her covertly as she laughed and wriggled around on the sofa. She'd stretched herself out when the Doctor had taken residence in the arm chair and slung his leg over the arm.

He loved watching her smile and laugh. It lit up the whole room and made him feel more alive. Traveling the universe was all well and good but it was infinitely better when you had someone to laugh with and he and Rose always found reason to laugh.

Looking at her now he couldn't help but chuckle. She was laughing so hard that she'd drawn her knees up to her chest and tears were rolling down her face.

"It's not that funny Rose," he laughed, the hysteria beginning to spread.

"I know. I…don't …..know why I'm….laughing!" she gasped out before breaking out into more howls of laughter.

Yes Rose Tyler certainly made his life brighter.

"Well as long as you're enjoying yourself," he teased her, using a tone that implied she was mad.

"Are you patronizing me Sir Doctor?" she asked, gaining control of herself.

"Not at all Dame Rose, I'm offended you would suggest such a thing!" He pursed his lips trying to hide his smirk.

Rose picked up the cushion next to her and threw it at him.

"I believe you lost something," the Doctor said, rising from his chair and offering her the offending cushion back.

She eyed him suspiciously.

"What? Rose you wound me with your looks of distrust! What did you think I was going to do? This?" He swiped the cushion at her shoulder and ducked as she threw another at him. "You see…the trick is….to keep hold….. of your weapon, Rose," he told her between swipes.

"What…..you mean like…..this?" She got in a few good body shots before her cushion exploded against him, knocking the Time Lord off balance. He collapsed onto the sofa beside her, giggling.

"Blimey, it's been centuries since I did that last," he panted, gazing up at the ceiling.

"Oh? Who with?"

"Can't remember, it's been that long!"

Rose giggled. "Cassandra was right; you are completely mad!"

"And that's why you like me," he grinned feeling content for a change. He was happy just sat laughing with his best friend, no monsters to chase, no one to save, just the two of them floating through time and space having fun. This was how it was always meant to be. It was how it was in the past at times, just fun. He knew the exact moment it stopped being fun and the thought sobered him for a moment before he pushed it away.

No, no dwelling today he told himself. He will not ruin this memory. This is one he will definitely remember to cheer him from his darker moods. They were less forceful these days.

He looked round at Rose. "Thank you." He smiled at her.

"What for?"

"Making me laugh."

"That's not down to me. You laugh more in general these days."

"Ah but it is because you're here making me laugh." He almost winced as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He usually keeps things like that to himself. Never get too close to people and never let people get to close. That was his general rule. After all they always leave him in the end one way or another and he ends up alone.

Rose sees the unease in him at his own words. "Well one aims to be of assistance," she told him with affected haughtiness.

"Oh does one? Well would one care to assist in making a brew?"

Rose laughed. "One doesn't wish to break one's nails."

"Fine, fine, I'll do it me-self. You want one?"

"Go on then, you twisted me arm!" she said in true cockney style.

The Doctor chuckled and headed for the door.

"Oh and Doctor?" Rose crawled along the sofa and rested her head on the arm. She was giving him her best pleading face. "Can we have the chocolate biscuits too?"

"Ooh Rose Tyler you little beastie."

"Oh meant to ask what does timorous mean?"

"Shy, nervous, timid. Like a mouse."

"You think I'm shy?"

"Oh yes Rose, in that ridiculously short dress you are by far the most timid person I know," the Doctor told her with sarcastic affection.

She picked up a cushion and threw it at him as he ducked out the doorway.

"Missed me!" he called as his footsteps faded.

"I'll get you next time," she muttered, a smile tugging at her lips as she turned back to the long forgotten Muppets movie. Looking down she realized just how short her skirt was and blushed slightly. 'Naked Child', Queen Victoria had called her and when Rose removed her boots and tights for comfort she wasn't far wrong from the waist down! Pulling the blanket from the back of the sofa, Rose draped it across her lap to give her back some modesty.

XxXxX


	14. School reunion

"She alright?" Rose asked as the Doctor stepped back through the doors.

"'Course! Can't keep my Sarah-Jane down for long. Besides she's got K-9 back."

"Shame she didn't come. Could've done with another girl on board." She rose from the captain's chair and stepped beside him, leaving Mickey behind her.

"Don't think I'd have lasted with the pair of you on board. What were you laughing about anyway?"

"Oh we were just comparing notes. It seems there are lots of things about you that stay the same."

The Doctor turned to look at Mickey. "Why do I suddenly have a feeling of dread?"

"No use looking to me mate!"

"Well you're going to be a lot of help. I know I'm going to regret asking…."

"Well let's just say your love affair with the TARDIS is as strong as ever," Rose grinned.

"My what?"

"Apparently the heavy petting is old news."

The Doctor narrowed his eyes as Rose worried her bottom lip between her teeth and raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh. "Why don't you make yourself useful and make us some tea?"

"Ooo, hit a nerve?!" she grinned as she skipped out of the control room.

There were a few moments silence as the Doctor fussed with the control panel.

"Thanks for letting me come along," Mickey said finally. "I know Rose isn't exactly ecstatic about me coming along."

"Has she said something?" The Doctor tried to sound as ignorant as possible to the fact.

"No but despite what you say I'm not an idiot. I know her well enough to hear it in her voice. It's you and her. I know that and I get it…"

"Me and her?" He spun round to look at the boy, almost toppling as he lost his footing in his haste. "Mickey there's nothing between me and Rose. She's my best friend."

"I know that. Told you, I'm not an idiot but I know I don't really fit in with her life any more and you do. I don't wana stay long, honest, I just wana see what's out there. I've helped you fight it and I've seen what comes here but Rose tells me all these stories about what you've seen and I get kinda jealous. Don't tell her I said that!"

The Doctor nodded. "You can stay as long as you like Mickey."

"Well I don't wana get in the way."

"The TARDIS is big enough for that not to be an issue. Really Mickey, it's fine. I wouldn't have said you could come if I thought it would be a problem."

XxXxX

Rose sighed heavily as she waited for the kettle to boil. It was just one thing after another the last two days.

First she met Sarah-Jane and realised she's not unique, not special and when she confronted him about it he looked so angry and hurt.

It was foolish of her to think that in 900 years he wouldn't have had others travelling with him, her problem was she kept forgetting he wasn't human.

No, that wasn't her problem at all. Her real problem was that she was jealous. Someone else had been with him when she hadn't and now he'd gone and invited Mickey on board!

What had he done that for? He must've realised that things had changed between them; her and Mickey were not as close as they once were.

But there was something more. Rose couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't allow Mickey to come along just because Mickey had asked. The Doctor would have no problems in telling him 'no'.

The image of the Doctor's sadness filled her mind as they spoke outside the chip shop.

_'I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happed to someone you…' ___

__Someone you what? What did he stop himself from saying? She remembered how her heart had stalled at that point. The intense look in his eye as if he was willing her to understand but she couldn't dare to think that he meant what would normally end that sentence. She couldn't even allow herself to think the word._ _

___'You can spend the rest of your life with me. But I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords.' ____ _

____That had said it all hadn't it? He'd said that he wouldn't leave her behind like he had the others. That had to mean something didn't it? Maybe she was special to him. Maybe she did mean something after all._ _ _ _

____She pondered this further as she poured out three cups of tea._ _ _ _

____"How long does it take to make a cup of tea?" the Doctor's voice drifted through the air._ _ _ _

____Rose looked round to find him leaning against the doorframe. He'd lost his suit jacket and tie and judging by the fact he had his glasses perched on the top of his head and a smudge of grease on his nose, he'd ended up under the TARDIS control panel not long after she left him._ _ _ _

____"Where's Mickey?"_ _ _ _

____"Off finding a bedroom. You alright? You looked like you were in a world of your own."_ _ _ _

____"I'm fine. I better go find him before he gets lost," she said handing him a mug as she passed him._ _ _ _

____"Where's the fun in that?... Rose?"_ _ _ _

____She stopped as he touched her arm and looked up at him. He was watching her expectantly._ _ _ _

____"I was just thinking about things that's all," she told him, offering a small smile. She knew he wasn't going to let this one go. He seemed a little nervous._ _ _ _

____He raised an eyebrow and guided her over to sit at the kitchen table. "You're annoyed with me."_ _ _ _

____"No! No I'm not honestly I was just mulling things over that's all. Honestly I was just thinking things through."_ _ _ _

____"Such as?"_ _ _ _

____She regarded him for a moment before speaking again; seeing the unease in his eyes._ _ _ _

____"I was thinking about what you said. About how you wouldn't leave me behind and stuff and I guess I was wondering, if you left Sarah-Jane and others behind what makes me so different?" There she'd said it._ _ _ _

____The Doctor leant back in his chair. He hadn't been expecting that. He thought she'd be planning to kill him or even leave._ _ _ _

____"Most leave me Rose. Everyone I know goes away in the end. Living so long sort of guarantees that. I left Sarah-Jane behind because I was called back home. I didn't go back for her because I couldn't."_ _ _ _

____Rose opened her mouth that ask why but saw a familiar sadness she recognised from his previous incarnation and clamped her mouth shut._ _ _ _

____"You Rose Tyler have done more than you'll ever know. And you've domesticated me!" He rose from his seat, sipping his tea._ _ _ _

____"Really?" Rose scoffed following him to the door._ _ _ _

____"Well, in 900 years I never took a companion home to visit their mum until you came along!" With that he strolled off down the corridor leaving Rose watching with a silly smile on her face._ _ _ _

____He'd never taken anyone to visit home once they were on board. Wow, she really was special._ _ _ _

____Happily, she strolled off in search of Mickey. She just hoped she was in time to find him before he disappeared forever into the depths of the TARDIS._ _ _ _

____XxXxX_ _ _ _

____He set his mug down on the control panel and dragged his glasses from his head._ _ _ _

____He'd hoped having Mickey on board would be enough of a distraction for Rose but it seemed she wasn't at all happy about him being there. And he certainly wasn't distracting him from worrying about Rose._ _ _ _

____He was definitely becoming too attached to her. He'd said she could spend the rest of her life with him. It hadn't been an invitation really it had been an example, like 'I can hold my breath for three hours but you can't', but as he said it he found the other meaning to it and found that the thought didn't terrify him as it should._ _ _ _

____He'd also almost told her what he felt, willing her with his eyes to understand what he still couldn't. He didn't know how to describe what he felt for Rose; it was complicated by so many things. She was his best friend and he adored her. But he couldn't deny there was more to it, not to himself anyway._ _ _ _

____Luckily Rose hadn't asked him to complete his sentence again and he was glad. His mouth had run away and part of him felt sure that if he had allowed himself to finish it would have most certainly been a mistake._ _ _ _

____All he could do was hope that Mickey endeared himself to Rose enough to keep her occupied, giving the Doctor time to sort himself out._ _ _ _

____This new regeneration was even more confusing that the last._ _ _ _

____He heard the pair approaching and forced an unconcerned, untroubled look on his face._ _ _ _

____"Right then? Whaddaya say Rose? Pot luck for Mickety Mick's first trip?"_ _ _ _

____"Sounds like a plan seeing as we rarely end up where you plan." She poked her tongue between her teeth and grinned._ _ _ _

____"Once! That's happened once. Still we had fun, didn't we? Even you laughed at being chased by a werewolf!"_ _ _ _

____"Werewolf? What planet was that on?" Mickey asked._ _ _ _

____"Earth, 1879 Scotland in fact. Right then. Allons-y! Look out universe, Mickey Smith is coming."_ _ _ _


	15. The Girl in the Fireplace

"Rose? You even listening?"

"Hmm? Sorry Mickey."

"He'll be alright; he just needs a few minutes to himself."

They were sat at the kitchen table, Mickey munching away on a piece of toast.

"What do'ya supposed happened?"

"Dunno, he'll tell you if he wants to. Says you're his best friend."

"She was so smart and pretty," Rose sighed.

"You okay?"

"I dunno. I've never seen him like that before. He's never run off leaving me with no way home. What was he thinking?"

"You'll have to ask him that. Look why don't you go and talk to him? I'm gona have a shower. Just… don't yell at him. I don't think he needs a Tyler Tornado launching itself at him."

"I wasn't going to yell!" she all but shouted.

Mickey raised an eyebrow. "Two of a kind you and your mum sometimes. Just remember. It's not all about you."

Rose watched feeling a little hurt as Mickey disappeared out the door.

She sat at the table a while longer trying to calm her racing heart.

What was it about that woman that upset the Doctor so much?

XxXxX

The Doctor heard her footsteps walk hesitantly towards the control room. He remained sat on the jump seat staring at the monitor, not caring to move or pretend anymore. Rose was alone and that was fine. He knew she would come and ask questions, he just hoped he had the answers.

Rose sat beside him and remained silent for a few moments.

"You alright?" she asked finally.

"'course."

"Liar."

He snorted and nodded his head.

"What happened?"

"She died," he told her matter-of-factly without turning to look at her. "She died waiting for me to come back."

Rose nodded and watched his face.

The Doctor groaned and rubbed his eyes before standing and leaning against the control panel. "I was going to show her the real stars and she waited for me, just like Sarah-Jane and I didn't return until it was too late. She spent years wanting, expecting me to come back and I didn't."

"Why did you invite her? She didn't like our world when she saw it. What was so special about her?"

"She said she'd wanted to see the stars closer. She was a smart woman. Educated and funny."

"And I'm not?"

"That's not what I meant. You have to remember she's trained to be...seductive. She plays on the things she know will entice. I was a toy to her really, something to make the King jealous."

Rose looked far from impressed, in fact if anything she looked angry.

"Reinette sent me home, Rose. She's the reason I got back. She didn't have to, she could have kept quiet and kept me there but she didn't. It only seemed fair to offer her something in return." He turned to look at his friend, his eyes shining. "I let her down. I let you down. I left you behind not knowing if I was coming back."

"Why did you?" she asked, she couldn't help the shaking of her voice.

"Because there was no other way. Those droids were changing history. It's what we do Rose, isn't it? Set the universe straight. You think I wanted to be stuck there?"

"You left us stuck here!"

"You weren't stuck. The TARDIS would have taken you home. As soon as her connection to me was cut she'd have launched the emergency protocol. I'd never leave you with no way home Rose. I'd never let that happen. I... I was looking out at the stars wondering what you were doing, if you were okay. The thought of being stuck there terrified me, never being able to see the stars up close, the planets. Never seeing you or the TARDIS. I felt lost there. You know me and domestics. I'd never willingly leave you behind."

Rose nodded, unable to trust her voice at the upset on his face.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," the Doctor told her quietly.

"Don't do it again," she told him, her voice trembling.

He nodded and cleared his throat. "You have to promise me something. If we get separated and I'm not back in five and a half hours, don't waste your life waiting for me. Don't end up like her or Sarah-Jane. Live your life without me. Don't waste it because of me."

"I don't need to promise 'cause it's not gona happen."

"Then it won't matter if you make the promise."

"Got an answer for everything haven't you?" she teased but he looked deadly serious and she knew he wasn't going to get sucked into a game. "I promise," she told him, looking him squarely in the eye.

It seemed to be enough for him he nodded and turned back to the control panel.

"Oi!"

He turned back to look at her as she slapped him on the arm.

"You abandoned me with my ex-boyfriend on a space ship 3000 years from home, not knowing if you could get back I think that owes me at least a hug!"

He offered her a sad smile and nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't think you'd be feeling friendly enough for me to hug you," he told her, holding her tighter than usual. "I'll always try to come back for you."

"I know," Rose whispered, burying her face in his shoulder.

XxXxX


	16. Age of Steel/Rise of the Cyberman

Jackie looked up at the Doctor as Rose continued to weep.

He was still stood leaning against the TARDIS just staring into space, hurt and upset plain on his face. He glanced up at the women and couldn't shake the guilt he felt. Maybe he should have put up a fight and dragged Mickey into the TARDIS, brought him home but he couldn't. The boy had found his place in the universe, granted it was an alternate universe but he had found his place, he had meaning and a purpose. The Doctor had seen the determination in the boy's eyes, there would have been no convincing him. Mickey now had a home and a family. He would do great things the Doctor was sure.

But knowing that wasn't helping Rose right now. She'd just lost a close friend. Mickey Smith had been a huge part of Rose's life and she still loved him, maybe not in the way she used to but she loved him none the less.

How could the Doctor ever make this right? Could Rose ever see that there was nothing he could do, that forcing Mickey to come back with them would have been a disastrous mistake both for the boy himself and the alternate universe?

Taking another look at Jackie and Rose, the Doctor turned and went back into the TARDIS. He took off his overcoat and threw it at one of the support beams. Strolling over to the control panel he sighed as he set the TARDIS in motion. A few seconds later all was still and quiet except for the ever present and comforting hum his ship always made. The old girl had taken a battering over the last twenty four hours, crossing through universes and she needed some TLC.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He'd done the right thing bringing Rose home; sometimes all a girl really needs is her mum. No doubt Jackie would have plenty to say about Mickey's desertion given half the chance. Until then the Doctor decided to busy himself repairing some of the damage caused by their latest adventure.

XxXxX

Rose had retired to her old bedroom leaving Jackie alone in the kitchen. She sighed as she poured herself another cup of tea. She was still confused about what was going on, where Mickey was and Rose was making no sense at all. There was only one other person in the vicinity that could shed any light and he'd disappeared barely ten minutes after their arrival. Rose was fairly convinced he'd left her, she even mumbled something about him doing it before but Jackie knew he hadn't gone far, knowing him he was out in the square.

Well if she wanted answers she would have to go to the source.

XxXxX

"Doctor?" Jackie called as she knocked on the door.

Within seconds the door flew open to reveal a very harassed and concerned looking Doctor.

"Is Rose alright? Well I mean I know she's not alright, stupid question really. I meant is she still…. I don't know. I don't know what I meant really." He rubbed the back of his neck and turned, walking back towards the control panel.

"I brought you some tea," she told him as she followed him in, closing the door behind her. "Look at the state of you! Grease all over your shirt and face, hair every which-way and you look exhausted. When was the last time either of you slept?"

"I don't remember," he sighed, sitting heavily on the jump seat.

Jackie shook her head as she poured him some tea from a thermos. "Here get this down you."

"What are you doing here?" he asked eyeing the tea cup cautiously. "You don't normally bring me tea."

"It's not poisoned. I need to know what happened to Mickey. Rose isn't making much sense up there at the moment; all I can get out of her is that he's gone. Gone where Doctor? You said he'd gone home when you arrived. What's been going on?"

"He's not coming back Jackie. You better take a seat." He set the cup down on the consol and rubbed his hands down his face as Jackie sat beside him.

XxXxX

"Poor Rosie," Jackie said for the umpteenth time. "I can't believe Mickey would choose to leave her! It seems so wrong. He'd hang on her every word. Why didn't you make him come?"

"I couldn't Jackie. He needed to stay there, to live his life in that universe. I can't really ask either you or Rose to believe me or understand when I say that I had to let him make his own decision. Mickey found a purpose and he was happy. He fitted into that world seamlessly. He replaced his alternate self, no problems, no questions, no damage to the time lines."

Jackie shook her head in disbelief. "You know she thinks you've gone? She said that they all leave her; her dad, now Mickey and you."

"Me? I'm not going anywhere! I just thought you'd prefer it if there wasn't a big blue box parked in your living room for god knows how long."

She smiled at him softly. "You did the right thing, bringing her home."

"Sometimes you just need your mum," he told her quietly, avoiding her gaze.

"Even you?"

He snorted but didn't answer.

"Have you eaten?" Jackie asked, abruptly standing.

"What?" The Doctor looked at her completely perplexed.

"It's a simple enough question. Have you eaten?"

"Erm, no. Not really. Been seeing to the old girl."

"So I see," she told him, eyeing the stains on his shirt. "Go and get clean clothes and I'll wash that one while you eat."

He sat staring at her for a few moments.

"Well come on, I haven't got all night," Jackie told him impatiently. "My girl thinks you've gone and left her, like every other man in her life. I understand why you're down here, you think it's the right thing to do but right now she needs you up there, letting her know you're still here. I know we don't always get on and god knows I've hated you sometimes but I've always known how much you care about that girl and at this moment you need to show it. Now hurry up and get some clean clothes before she thinks I've deserted her too."

After a moment the Doctor nodded. "You go on up, I'll be there in a minute," he assured her and disappeared down the corridor.

XxXxX

Jackie almost breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the front door close. True to his word he'd only been a few moments.

"Bring those filthy clothes in here," she called out. "Toad in the hole alright for you?"

"Thanks Jackie." The Doctor appeared in the doorway. "How is Rose?"

"See for yourself."

Taking a deep breath the Doctor left the kitchen and knocked on Rose's door. There was a muffled response on which he entered.

"Hello," he said quietly.

Rose rolled over on her bed in surprise. "You're still here?"

"Of course, where did you think I'd be?" he asked, moving further into the room.

"Dunno, I thought you'd gone."

"No, I just moved the TARDIS out of your mum's way."

"But you were gone ages."

"The girl needed a bit of TLC. She had a bit of a rough time of it over the past couple of days so I thought some time out might be in order. And the TARDIS needed a bit too."

Despite her sadness Rose gave him a small smile. "I'm glad you're still here."

"You are stuck with me Rose Tyler," he announced stuffing his hands in his pockets.

She looked at him in the muted light of her lamp and held her arms out to him.

He was sitting at her side in an instant, gathering her into a warm embrace as she buried her face in his shirt.

"He's going to be okay isn't he?" she asked.

"Who? Mickey? 'Course. He's got his gran and an important mission. For the first time in his life he's one of the most important people in the universe. Without him and Jake destroying the Cybers, there'd be no one left. He's fine Rose. I promise. He's fine. No longer 'Mickey the Idiot'."

Rose nodded against his shoulder. "He was pretty brave in the end really."

The Doctor pulled back to look at her. Her face was flushed and her make-up had almost been completely cried off. He smiled softly at her. "Mickey was one of the bravest young men I've met in a long time. Always ready with the laptop, hacking into government programs. He proved himself to be not so much of an idiot on many occasions despite what I may have said to him. Some people just need a push in the right direction."

"Why did you let him come along this time? You didn't when he asked before."

The Doctor smiled again. "He was too scared to come last time. He asked me not to let him come but not let on that it was because he was scared. When he asked this time he wasn't scared. Everyone deserves the chance to grow and he had his uses. Seemed mean not to give him that chance."

"So you didn't know any of that was going to happen?"

"No, what makes you think I would?"

"Dunno, just being a Time Lord I thought maybe you'd seen it."

"I don't look into people's individual future, Rose. That would cause too many conflicts. I could cause paradoxes of epic proportions. Imagine if I saw someone die and I decided to stop it. That one act could change the course of history. It could destroy the universe and believe me when I say there are enough beings willing to do that given half the chance without adding any deeds of my own to the list. I didn't know, Rose, I promise you. It was the right thing to do, letting him stay there."

Rose nodded. "I just miss him. And I know it's stupid because he's only been gone a few hours but the thought of him not being here. I took him for granted and now I can never tell him that I did love him."

"He knew, Rose, honestly he did. He needed to find his own place and he found it, just not here."

"He said I didn't need him," her voice cracked. "And the thing is, now I'm home I think he's right. I want him here because he's my friend and I've known him forever but that's such a selfish reason to want him here, in case I need him. I couldn't even argue with him, tell him he was wrong when he said it."

"He made his own decision, Rose." The Doctor stood and held out his hand. "Come on, you can help me eat your mum's Toad in the Hole. Have to say, it didn't look like any toad I've ever seen."

Rose stared up at him for a moment, a bubble of amusement settling the guilty ache in her stomach slightly. "You're kidding right?"

"What?"

"You do know what Toad in the Hole is?"

His mouth bobbed a few times until he finally admitted; "no, not really."

"It's basically just sausages in a giant Yorkshire pudding," she informed him, taking his hand and walking to the bedroom door.

"Then why's it called Toad in the Hole?"

"No idea, maybe we could look it up on Google or something. Until then it's going to remain one of life's mysteries. Come on Spock; let's let mother force feed us."

"Oi, don't knock it. She's doing my laundry. Got grease all over my shirt."

Rose rolled her eyes at him. "There's a surprise."

"Come on you two, park yourselves and get that down you," Jackie said, setting the plates on the table before taking her own seat.

The Doctor sat and picked up his glass of water, looking over at Rose. "To Mickey; not such the idiot after all."

Rose and Jackie raised their own glasses.

"To Mickey," Jackie said.

"Where ever he is," Rose finished.

XxXxX


	17. Idiots Lantern

Rose sighed heavily as she flopped down on the jump seat.

"Blimey, now I remember why I wear trainers most of the time!" she chuckled as she kicked her pink shoes off and wriggled her toes.

The Doctor smiled as he set the TARDIS in motion. "Right, time to get this rubbish out of my hair!" he declared, scrunching his nose as he tried to run his fingers through his hair. "Won't be long."

Rose watched him disappear down the corridor. He'd been unusually quiet for the last hour or so. They'd stayed for a while and enjoyed the party but the Doctor had kept to himself, never leaving her sight and not joining any conversation. She'd get to the bottom of it. Normally he was bouncing around and making a nuisance of himself. Maybe he'd be more like his old self after a shower. Speaking of, Rose thought the idea of a shower sounded divine.

XxXxX

The Doctor balled up shirt and threw it across the room with a growl. Seeing his best friend stood before him without her face; it broke his hearts and filled him with more anger than he'd felt in a long time. That worried him. He knew that if anyone ever hurt Rose he'd be angry. More than angry he'd be furious but he'd never felt as vengeful as he had in that moment and the pain he felt at the mere thought he might not get her back...

She seemed alright. She'd been laughing and joking with the residents, totally unfazed by what had happened and that was his amazing Rose. She'd lost her friend last week and today she'd lost her face but she was smiling about it. He'd never understand her he decided as he stepped under the spray of the shower, rubbing shampoo into his gelled hair, but it didn't matter. Rose was fantastic and he loved her; that much he knew he just still wasn't sure what sort of love it was. He occasionally thought of them as a couple, when they were out sight seeing and it was obvious most people they met thought they were together too and that didn't bother him. He'd never bothered to correct anyone but when he thought that they might actually be able to have something more he found he almost sabotaged himself; first he invited Mickey along then he ran off after Madame Du Pompadour. He hadn't lied to Rose when he'd explained why he'd invited Reinette he just hadn't told her everything. He hadn't told her Reinette was another distraction much like Mickey. He liked Reinette, she was intelligent and charming and no doubt about it she was beautiful. In fact in some ways she reminded him of Rose, she was feisty and made him laugh; there was a connection. It was a different connection but there was one.

Turning off the water he stepped out and towelled himself dry, slipping into a clean pair of trousers.

XxXxX

Rose looked up from her seat in the arm chair as the Doctor entered the living room. His hair was dripping wet and he was still buttoning up his shirt. She almost laughed at the concentration on his face.

"Having trouble?" she asked with a grin.

"Hmm?" he looked up and faltered at the sight of her smile. He couldn't help but return it, having Rose smile up at him was the most welcome sight he could think of.

"What's up? You've been odd all afternoon."

"No I haven't," he said sitting on the sofa, running his fingers through his wet hair, slicking back.

"Yes you have. Normally no one can get you to shut up but talking to you at the party was like pulling teeth, so come on spill."

"Just a bit tired that's all."

"If you say so," Rose sighed. "So what are we watching?" she asked reaching for the remote."

"Nothing," he answered a little too quickly.

She frowned as she looked back at him. "Scared of the haunted fish tank?" she teased with a smile on her face.

"What? No, 'course not."

"Oh my god, you are!"

"I'm not, just never anything worth watching on a Thursday night."

Rose stood and moved to sit beside him. "It's not going to eat your face."

The Doctor's gaze travelled over her face as if checking every single feature was there.

She studied him in the same way and saw a sparkle in his eyes. "We're still here."

"I know. I was so…"

"What?" Rose prompted him as he shook his head and looked away. "You were so what?"

"Angry, pained, scared," he shrugged unable to find strong enough words. "You were right there in front of me, faceless and I suddenly didn't really care about the other faceless people or the potentially faceless. I just wanted to see you. It broke my hearts to see you like that, not knowing if you even knew what was happening, not knowing how much you understood."

"I knew you'd come for me. I knew you'd find a way. Never doubted it; not for a second. You always come, even if I have to wait five and a half hours."

"Won't catch me doing that again. You're sticking with me next time! Got it?"

"Yes boss!" Rose grinned. She reached up and ruffled his damp hair. "That's much better. I like the messy hair. The slicked back quiff isn't the best look for you."

The Doctor picked up a picture frame, inspected his reflection in the glass and laughed. "The 'just-rolled-out-of-bed-look', hmm?"

"Ruffled is much more attractive on you. The Teddy boy look makes you look a bit sinister."

"I'll remember that," he grinned back at her. "Right then. Suppose the telly is safe."

"You want to scan it don't you?" Rose smirked.

"Well, maybe just a quick once over. Not having any one stealing your face again, or mine for that matter. It was pretty painful."

"Tell me about it. Wait, she tried to eat you too?"

"Oh yes," he said, pulling his sonic screwdriver from his pocket. "She was hungry."

"Why did she let you go?"

"I was armed." He twirled his screwdriver before pointing it at the blank television screen. "And I was too smart for her to cope with. Too rich for her stomach as it were."

"So is it safe?" she nodded at the television.

"It seems to be."

"Right then, what are we watching?" Rose handed him the remote as she leant her head against his shoulder.

"Good to have you back," the Doctor said quietly.

"It's good to be back."

XxXxX


	18. Impossible Planet/Satans Pit

Rose watched from the jump seat as the Doctor circled the control panel, flicking switches and pressing buttons.

"Well all in all she's not in too bad a shape, considering. Like I've always said; made of strong stuff, my girl. TARDIS isn't looking too shabby either." He winked and smile at Rose, causing her to give him a small smile.

"Then again…" his smile slipped and he moved to sit beside her. "Okay?"

"I guess. You scared me."

"Sorry. You understood though didn't you? You didn't just agree with me because you thought you should?"

"No, you know me. Argue black was blue if I had too. Some times I'm more like my mum than my dad but I understood. Without the TARDIS we had no hope of ever getting home. Just wasn't expecting to loose you down there that's all."

"Oh I wasn't lost, just….. misplaced for a while."

"You didn't think you were ever going to come back when that cable broke. Admit it."

"True, true. I didn't. I thought I was well and truly stuffed."

"Ida said you fell. You didn't fall did you? Not really. Knowing you you probably let go."

The Doctor gave her a small half-smile. "You know me too well Rose Tyler. We were cut off with no way back. I couldn't just sit in the dust waiting for the air to run out."

Rose nodded. "So you decided you'd carry on and die alone?"

"No one wants to die alone Rose."

"Then why did you leave Ida?"

"Because I didn't want to give up the hope that I might find my way back. I've never been good at being a victim; I wasn't going to start on that planet." He didn't add that if he was going to die he'd rather spend his last few moments with her.

"So are you ever going to tell me what you really think it was? What do you believe, Doctor?"

He regarded her for a moment, a twinkle in his eye. "What do you think? What does Rose Tyler believe in?"

"I would have laughed if someone told me the Devil existed. But even after everything I've seen I still don't know. I mean, the Devil. Part of me thinks it's so far-fetched, it's got to be like a hoax or something but then we started falling into the black hole... I mean if you hadn't found the TARDIS then we'd…" her voice faltered.

"I told you I'd always come back for you when ever possible. I promised didn't I? And you know me, I never lie. Not to you. Plus your mum would hunt me across the universe and into the black hole if I lost you! Not something I'd relish I can tell you."

Rose giggled. "Daleks and Cybermen - no problem. Mention my mother and you're quaking in your trainers!"

"Mother's are scary. Well I say mothers, I mean your mother. She could pick a fight with the most vicious race in the universe and she'd win with just one look!"

"She's not that bad." She smiled up at him.

"True. Got you smiling again though didn't it?!"

"You always make me smile, especially when your hair sticks up in all directions."

"Well, I've nearly always had a lot of hair. Only seems right to let it do its own thing once in a while."

"Who can argue with that?" Rose ruffled his hair and the Doctor's laugh filled the control room. His eyes sparkled brightly as he stood.

"Right then, Miss Tyler, where to this time?"

"Somewhere we're not likely to get separated, just for a while."

"I like your thinking. Right then. Drama-free entertainment." A mischievous grin crept onto his face as his fingers flew across the keyboard on the consol.

"Where are you taking me?" Rose stood and moved to his side, looking at the monitor which, as ever, proved pointless as Rose never understood a thing that appeared on it.

"You'll see," he told her, tapping her nose.

"That sounds just as dangerous as 'pot-luck'!"

"Oh ye of little faith. Our destination is guaranteed trouble free. I promise."

"So why not tell me where we're going?"

"See if you can guess. It has carriages that travel faster and higher than anywhere else. It also has the best fish and chips in the solar system."

"God I don't know, could be anywhere with you driving!"

"Blackpool!"

"Blackpool?"

"Yes Blackpool. Sun, sea and sand. Ice cream, candy floss and a brilliant pleasure beach. Okay so it might not be the most spectacular place in the world but its fun and familiar."

Rose grinned at him. "Sounds perfect, as long as it's not raining that is."

"It's not raining," he assured her before collecting his coat from the support beam and slipping it on.

"So Doctor, you never did tell me. What do you believe in?"

His hand stilled on the door latch before flinging the door open. "I believe in very few things, Rose."

"That's not an answer."

The Doctor chuckled and looked round at her. "It's like I said to the Beast; I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen many kinds of gods; the good, the bad and the ugly. And out of all that - if I believe in just one thing... I believe in you, Rose Tyler. That's what I believe in." And with that he stepped out into the sunshine of Blackpool. The sound of cheerful screams and laughter filtered through the air as Rose stood staring at the open doorway, musing at the Doctor's words.

"Come on Rose! There's a roller-coaster with our name on it!"

XxXxX


	19. Love and Monsters

"I'm just going to phone my mum."

The Doctor rolled his eyes as they walked over to join the crowds.

"Hi mum, it's only me. You alright?... Oh right…..Say it like what?...I did not!...Just a bit odd that's all. You've never mentioned him before….. the laundrette?...Again? Blimey, that thing's always blowing a fuse. Yeah we're okay. Nothing much, having a quiet day today, just a bit of fun. You sure you're okay?...You just sound a bit…I dunno…... We'll come home soon for a visit though yeah?...okay….we're always careful! Bye!"

"Ooo you little fibber!" the Doctor said.

"What? We always try to be careful, not our fault if it doesn't work!"

"I think you're spending a little too much time with me," he told her.

"What?" She couldn't hide the look of panic on her face.

"Well, you're even starting to sound like me!" he grinned

XxXxX

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this!" Rose complained, daring to look over the side.

"Oh come on Rose, it's not like there's any danger to it?"

"What did you have to say that for?! Now we're bound to get stuck or something!"

"Oh don't be so soft. Look we're nearly there, it'll be all over soon and you're going to love the rush on the way down."

"Oh God!" she moaned.

"Rose Tyler…. Are you afraid of heights?" the Doctor leaned in and asked her quietly.

"No! No not at all. 'Course not!"

They neared the top of the track and Rose could see the expanse of Blackpool's sea front, all the visitors swarming around looking like dots on the ground. She let out a yelp and squeezed her eyes shut, grasping for the Doctor's hand as the car paused.

The Doctor chuckled. "Are you sure Rose?"

"Okay, maybe a little bit."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yeah."

"Then open your eyes."

As she did the car plummeted forward and round a bend. She could hear the other thrill seekers behind her screaming and laughing as the car whipped round the track and Rose found herself joining them. She looked round at the Doctor who was grinning madly. He looked relaxed and content as he allowed his eyes to drift shut and just feel the air rushing by.

The rollercoaster began to slow as it came to its platform.

"Well?" the Doctor asked, helping her out of the car.

"Well…. I'm still alive."

"You can't tell me you didn't enjoy it even a tiny bit."

"It was alright I guess," she sniffed avoiding eye contact.

"So that wasn't you cackling in my ear then?"

"I do not cackle!"  
The Doctor grinned at her almost admission.

"You don't play fair!" She slapped him playfully on the arm when she realised he'd tricked her. "I don't though, do I?"

"Don't what?"

"Cackle."

"Sometimes, when you're being very mischievous but not always, no."

"Oh."

The Doctor took her arm and threaded it through his. "It is nothing to be ashamed of Miss Tyler; a good cackle can be very attractive."

"Really?" she had that tone that said 'I don't believe you one bit'.

He looked down at her, "really," he assured her then grinned. "Come on, where to next?"

"Actually, I'm starving," Rose told him as her stomach rumbled.

"Right then, fish and chips?"

"Sounds perfect."

XxXxX

The Doctor folded his arms and leant forward onto the table, staring out of the window to the rolling sea. The sun shone down and made the water sparkle and the sand reflected the light giving it a warm glow.

He smiled to himself. It was the simple things about this planet he loved the most. How a sandy beach could entertain people young and old for hours. It didn't matter what age you were, making a sand castle or burying someone up to their neck was always great fun. Unless of course you were the one being buried, then it was very uncomfortable. Sand had an annoying habit of getting in all the wrong places and the wrong angles.

He laughed as he watched a teenager try to jump a wave and fail, only to succeed in soaking all of this clothes and falling back onto his friend behind, causing them to fall under the water.

Yes, simple things were a nice change.

XxXxX

Rose watched the Doctor pick at his chips as he watched the world outside. She smiled when she noticed the dimple appear on his cheek when he smiled and laughed. He'd brought her here to cheer her up and it was working. She loved travelling to all the exotic planets and visiting different times and places but sometimes the most ordinary and familiar places were the ones that made her feel warmest.

"You want to go play in the sand don't you?" she asked finally, watching his eyes sparkle just a little brighter as he turned his head to look at her.

"What? No, sand's far too gritty in England. Get it in the wrong place and…." He winced for effect and Rose giggled.

"Who said anything about getting sand in places? I was talking about making sand castles or something."

"But it always manages to sneak in somewhere, just this stray single grain of sand and you're stuck with it for ages."

Rose raised her eyebrows at him, clearly not being taken in by his protests in the least.

He sighed. "Fine you got me. I want to make a huge sand castle." He bounced in his seat, reminding Rose of a small boy impatient to get down from the dinner table.

"You are such a child," she told him with a smile on her face.

"And you love it!"

"Come on then." She jumped up from her seat, taking the Doctor's hand and they ran out.

"Careful of the horses," he warned her.

"The horses? Why? Have they been possessed by some man eating alien?" she teased.

"Nope but you're about to tread in a nice little parcel one left behind."

Rose looked down a second too late. "Eurgh!"

"I did warn you! Come on; let's get you on the sand."

"But the sand will just stick to it!"

He looked at her with a wry smile before shrugging out of his coat and laying it on the beach. "Sit."

Rose did as she was told. "What are you doing?" she asked as he reached for her trainer.

"I'm going to wash it off."

"Where?"

"In the sea of course! Really Rose Tyler, didn't you ever go to the beach when you were a child?"

"No," she said quietly. "Mum never got the chance to take me. It was always too far and expensive by train and we didn't have a car."

"Oh." The Doctor remained quiet as he unlaced her shoe and wandered down to the sea front.

Rose's reverie was broken as she watched the Doctor try to stay out of the water, leaning over at the waist and wiggling the front of her shoe into the edge of the tide as it came closer. When it got too close he'd run backwards almost falling over people in the process.

He was an idiot sometimes, Rose thought, but she loved him anyway.

Finally he gave in and plonked himself down on the sand and threw off his shoes and socks, rolled up his trouser legs and waded in up to his ankles.

Rose laughed at the look of shock on his face when he realised just how cold British sea water was, and if he thought it was cold then it must be freezing. She looked around and noticed here weren't many people in the sea, even if it was a fairly warm day. There were a couple of swimmers who looked like they possible came out here every day for a swim judging by the fact they were actually wearing swimming hats and there were a few children paddling in the surf but that was it.

"There we are," the Doctor announced as he dropped down onto the coat beside her. "One clean shoe!"

"And two very dirty feet," she said, nodding at him.

"Ah, yes. Never mind."

"What about all that talk of getting sand in awkward places?"

"Toes are easily fixed. You just rub them. Now…" he gazed around behind them and cheered. "Be right back."

"Where are you…..?" Rose didn't get a chance to finish her question; he was already half way up the beach.

A few moments later he was back. "There we are!" he said, dropping a bucket and spade on the ground beside her.

She looked up at him and burst out laughing.

"What?...What?"

"I can't believe you are actually wearing one!"

"What's wrong with it? It's tradition!"

"Please tell me it doesn't have flashing lights too!"

"Oh it does, look! See the words light up!"

Rose was lost to the giggles as she fished out her phone. "Hold still," she gasped. "I have got to get a picture of that!"

The sight of the Doctor in his flashing 'Kiss me, quick' hat was just too good a sight not to record.

"When you've quite finished…." He rolled his eyes and flopped down onto the sand, shovelling sand into his own bucket.

Rose bit her lip thinking how cute he looked with his legs stretched out and his bucket planted firmly between them.

"You can't make sand castles staring at me Rose," he said without even looking up.

"How do you do that?"

"Sixth sense. Are you going to have fun or just watch me?"

"Um, yeah why not. First time on a proper beach, can't break with tradition can I?"

"Absolutely!" he grinned, pulling a flag out from his pocket and handing it to her. "It's for the top when you've finished," he told her gleefully.

Rose beamed at him when her phone rang.

"Guess who," he smirked and looked up at her, waiting for her to answer it and confirm he was right.

"Mum?...What is it? What's wrong?"

The Doctor's mirth faded away as he saw the look of worry on Rose's face. He scrabbled beside her, listening in to the conversation.

"Mum… mum, calm down. What did he do?...Right…..Oh….What does he want with the Doctor?...Are you sure he was human? Mum…. Listen you have to calm down I can't understand you properly."

The Doctor gestured for the phone. "Jackie? You alright. No it's fine. Tell me what he said…..right…..so he never said why? Well no, I suppose you wouldn't want to. It's alright Jackie. What was his name? That's not a name you hear very often is it? Have you still got his phone number?... No, no. You stay where you are," he turned to look at Rose and saw the anger on her face. "We'll sort it out. I will Jackie. Yes we'll be home in time for tea…Shepherd's pie? Oh that'll make a nice change." He rolled his eyes and sighed. "No I'm not taking the mickey at all Jackie. Go and make yourself a cup of tea. We'll see you soon." He hung up and handed the mobile back to Rose, fishing around in his pocket.

"What are we doing?" she asked as he sat back down on the sand rubbing at his sandy feet.

"Well I thought, if someone has gone to that much trouble looking for me, I really should make an appearance." He pulled on his socks and shoes.

"Even with the hat?"

"Nope, you can have that. Call it a souvenir!" he declared, dropping the hat on her head. "Oh, nearly forgot!" He crawled over his coat to where his bucket lay abandoned. He lay on his front and turned it over, patting the top. Pulling the bucket straight up he grinned as his sand castle stayed in place. "There!"

"Don't forget the flag," Rose told him, lying beside him.

"I'll let you do that," he smiled at her.

Rose grinned back and delicately pushed the flag in the top.

"Perfect. Come on, let's go and find young Master Elton."

"I've got a few choice words for him." She grumbled as she waited for the Doctor to shake off his coat and shrug into it.

"I'm sure you have and words are fine but no violence." He stared off back towards the TARDIS.

"What if he starts it?"

"That's a grey area that I can only pass judgment on in the heat of the moment."

Rose huffed. "Your no violence rule is really annoying sometimes."

"I'm jut trying to save mankind from a Tyler slap! Those things hurt you know!" He rummaged in his pocket for the key.

"Wimp!"

"Wait 'til you're on the end of one!"

"I'm sensible enough never to upset my mum that way without making sure it's someone else's fault first! Then they get the slap!"

"I remember. Come on then, let's get it over with. You're mum's cooking Shepherd's Pie!" he told her with false enthusiasm as he held the door open for her. "Doesn't she know how to cook anything else?"

"You mean that's edible? Then no."

XxXxX


	20. Fear her

Rose watched impatiently as the Doctor chatted with Trish. She wanted to go back to the TARDIS, to curl up in its warmth and put it all behind them. Losing him, the sense of foreboding at his strange warning; _'a storm's approaching'. _The look on his face and the tone of his voice had sent a shiver down her spine. After a few moments pause he'd snapped out of his trance and pulled her towards the crowd of neighbours celebrating and enjoying the rest of the fireworks.__

__Just when she thought she had him pegged he always threw a spanner in the works, she was always learning something new about him and today's revelation had really knocked her._ _

__He'd been a dad. He'd had children and he'd never mentioned them before._ _

__She couldn't quench the pang of jealousy she felt at the thought, she knew it was irrational, nothing would ever happen between them and it was stupid to think that he'd never had a family in his 900 year experience. She'd just never thought about it before._ _

__Rose found herself wondering how much he still had hidden. First she learnt that he couldn't save everyone and sometimes he couldn't try. Then she realised he got just as scare as anyone else and that mad him very dangerous. Then he regenerated; an ability he neglected to mention; another secret he'd kept from her and one she thought he should have shared._ _

__Of course none of it was really any of her business, it just hurt sometimes that he knew so much about her, her past and her family and yet she knew very little about the person she thought of as her best friend and loved._ _

__Rose sighed as she saw the Doctor smile softly at a joke shared between the two parents on the doorstep. There are just some parts of the Doctor's life she would never be privy to. But she had him in her life and that was something very few people could claim to._ _

__XxXxX_ _

__He knew she was watching him and he was waiting for the inevitable question. He hadn't missed her reaction to his admission; he wasn't sure what had possessed him to say it. He was usually so good at keeping things to himself so he'd shocked himself when he'd told her he'd been a father. It was so long ago but he still thought about the family he no longer had._ _

__Now he had Rose, she was his hand to hold and he needed that more than air sometimes. She was his beat friend and the one person that made him feel alive. Seeing the world through her eyes every time he opened the doors was one of the most exciting things about bouncing the universe._ _

__One day he would tell her how much of a difference she had made to his life….one day._ _

__He made his excuses to Trish and said goodnight, knowing he wouldn't be back and slowly made his way over to Rose._ _

__XxXxX_ _

__She was stood, arms wrapped around herself, staring up at the night sky. If she was honest she was trying to sense what it was the Doctor had, _'Something in the air. Something's coming'. _. She didn't like the sound of that one bit and the more she thought about it the more it concerned her. The Doctor wouldn't be drawn into explaining it or even having a guess at what was coming, he seemed to want to ignore it. Maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought if he was ignoring it, the Doctor never ignored anything important or dangerous. If he could sense it he'd head it off, she knew he would.___ _

____"That was a big sigh," the Doctor said, stepping up beside her._ _ _ _

____"Bit tired that's all."_ _ _ _

____"Really?" He turned to look at her, studying her face carefully. He could see the questions bubbling away in her mind, aching to be asked but something was stopping her._ _ _ _

____He was giving her the opportunity to ask and she knew she'd be a fool not to take it when it was being handed to her on a plate. But the fact he was willing was enough for her, she could see by the look in his eyes he was steeling himself to give her the answers she wanted and she felt herself smiling at him._ _ _ _

____"Really, come on let's go home," she said, taking his hand._ _ _ _

____The Doctor froze. "Home?"_ _ _ _

____"Yeah, home. You know, where we live, where we sleep."_ _ _ _

____"You mean the TARDIS?"_ _ _ _

____"Yeah. Where did you think I meant?"_ _ _ _

____"Oh…. I dunno, I mean…" He tugged awkwardly on his ear and Rose's smile widened._ _ _ _

____"You thought I meant to my mums," she laughed._ _ _ _

____"Well, it's just you said home…."_ _ _ _

____"Then I'd say lets go to my mum's."_ _ _ _

____"Oh right. Of course. Let's go home then," he grinned and squeezed her hand. "So where to next?"_ _ _ _

____"Bed," Rose said decisively._ _ _ _

____"Sorry?"_ _ _ _

____"I want to have a nice long shower followed by a nice long sleep before you drag me into more trouble if you don't mind. Although, going to my mum's might not be such a bad idea, I need some washing done."_ _ _ _

____The Doctor groaned. "Fine but we're not staying for dinner. I'm not eating another one of her Shepherds Pies; I'm still trying to digest the last one."_ _ _ _

____"Behave! Besides, be grateful she likes you, if she didn't just think what she'd serve."_ _ _ _

____"Yeah, I meant to ask about that," he began, rummaging in his pockets for the key. "Why the sudden change of heart?"_ _ _ _

____"Well, sending me home for one thing, even if I did give you a hard time, she loved you for it. You kept your promise that's enough for her." She stepped through the open door. "Oh and there's always the fact that she thinks you're a little bit cute." She chuckled as she left him stunned looking through the door at her._ _ _ _

____"You're joking!"_ _ _ _

____"Nope, this new body of yours definitely made an impression on her."_ _ _ _

____"I knew she liked the look of the old me but…. Oh god, I'm never going to be able to look her in the eye again!" he groaned stepping into the TARDIS and moving over to the controls. "I mean, having your mates mum fancy you isn't something you strive for, you know?"_ _ _ _

____"Never mind," Rose said moving beside him. "I still love you anyway." She stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek before retreating to her bedroom._ _ _ _

____The Doctor watched her go with a soppy smile on his face._ _ _ _

____Yes, one day he would tell her exactly how special she was, when he was less of a coward._ _ _ _

____Until then he would just have to keep making sure she was smiling, because her smile lit up everything._ _ _ _

____XxXxX_ _ _ _


	21. Doomsday

He stared at the control panel, not really seeing it. The TARDIS seemed so empty and quiet and he didn't like it. He knew he would miss Rose when the day finally came but he never dreamed he'd never be able to see her again, growing up from a distance. She'd been a force of nature and brightened his day just by walking in the door and now he'd never be able to tell her just how very special she was.

The Doctor wiped his hands down his face as tears spilled onto his cheeks. He felt alone and it was more painful than he remembered.

Rose Tyler had brought him back to life, seeing the universe through her eyes. The way she felt sorrow for other beings no matter what they'd done or who they were; the Dalek, Cassandra, even Elton after he'd upset Jackie. The thing about Rose Tyler was that she was extraordinary in so many ways and so very human.

She'd chosen him. He sent her away to safety, to be with her family but she'd come back, alone.

He'd told her how stupid it was, that she'd never be able to see her mother again and he knew he'd never forget what she'd said;

_"I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never going to leave you." ___

__No one had ever chosen him before given the chance. They all chose to leave him or were taken away. None of them had chosen him over their own family before. But Rose had and that choice was ripped away from her._ _

__At least she was safe, he knew that._ _

__His hearts had almost stopped as she flew towards the void but he'd felt a fleeting sense of relief when Pete had appeared. But it was only fleeting._ _

__As the winds died down the impact of what had just happened had hit him._ _

__Rose was gone and she was never coming back. She wasn't dead, he knew that, but she might as well be for him. He could never see her again; he would never know that she was okay without him._ _

__Of course he knew she would be really. Everyone was okay without him but it didn't stop him wondering or worrying. She'd been his best friend and he loved her to pieces. There had been so many things he'd meant to tell her but like always he failed and hid them._ _

__And that's what he needed to do now, hide. Float through the universe like he had before, finding one disaster after another so that he never had any more time to reflect on what he lost. And he'd do it on his own. But there was one more thing he had to do because, if he didn't at least try, he'd never forgive himself._ _

__XxXxX_ _

___Rose... ____ _

_____Rose... ____ _ _ _

_______Rose... ____ _ _ _ _ _

_________There's one tiny little gap in the Universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection; I'm in orbit around a super nova.I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead. Here you are. Living a life, day after day; the one adventure I can never have. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Am I ever gonna see you again? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________You can't. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________What're you gonna do? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________On your own? …..I lo-….I love you. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________Quite right, too. And I suppose... if it's one last chance to say it... Rose Tyler... ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________XxXxX_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________She'd never forget a second of those two minutes on the beach. The look of such heartbreaking sadness on his face. It was plain for all the world to see that he loved her, even if he'd never got the chance to say it. And Rose clung to that belief as she lived her life the way he wanted her too. It had taken him months to get his message to her and she knew what that meant._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________'I've been to the year five billion, right, but this... now this is really seeing the future. You just leave us behind. Is that what you're going to do to me?' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________'No. Not to you.' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________'But Sarah Jane... you were that close to her once and now... you never even mention her. Why not?' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________'I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone who you—' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________'What, Doctor?' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________'You can spend the rest of your life with me. But I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords.' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________He'd found her, he'd found a way to talk to her even for just a few minutes and that meant more to her than anything he could have said. She knew the Doctor would never really tell her he loved her, she wasn't even really sure that love for him was the same as it was for humans, but she must've meant something because he kept his word. He could have just flown off without another thought but he didn't; he didn't leave her, he searched for a way, he burnt up an entire sun to see her one last time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________She wondered if he'd found someone to hold his hand, if he'd found someone to take the darkness away that she'd seen in him from time to time, and part of her was jealous, but she knew she didn't want him to be on his own. She'd made her choice but fate didn't want her to have it her way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________Rose pulled her key out of her pocket as she stared out of her window. The TARDIS would always feel like her real home and her thoughts strayed from the Doctor to Jack, and all those she'd met while travelling and it made her ache. But she wasn't going to cry anymore, the Doctor wouldn't want that. She was going to continue to do her job, working on the rift. Because if Rose Tyler knew one thing, she knew that she would never give up the hope that she might one day be able to see him once more, even if it's just to see that he's alright._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________Once, Rose Marion Tyler would have thought of herself as a bit of a hopeless dreamer but now, after everything she'd seen and learnt from the Time Lord, she realised there was nothing hopeless about it. She was a hopeful dreamer and that was a million times better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	22. Runaway bride

Donna stood at her bedroom window and watched the snow continue to fall outside. Part of her couldn't quite believe any of it was real. Aliens and spaceships, but she'd seen it with her own eyes. She'd helped an alien save the earth from….aliens. And despite what he'd said she was convinced he did that nearly every day. He seemed too at home in a life and death situation but he seemed lonely.

She hadn't missed the sad looks when he thought no one was looking; at the reception and on the roof top. She only really saw how right she was when she'd told him he needed someone, when she'd finally asked what his friend's name was. The crack in his voice and the glassing over of his eyes told her how much he missed his friend. It made her wonder what had happened. He said she was still alive but he'd lost her. Maybe it was something as simple as a falling out, although judging by the way he seems to live his life she somehow didn't think that was the case. He'd obviously been very found of this Rose and her absence hurt him.

A thought suddenly struck Donna that almost made her laugh out loud. She'd assumed this Rose was human but she might not have been. After all, the Doctor had said that being human was a choice for him. But then he'd said he'd spent Christmas with her and her family. She could just imagine him in a hat from a Christmas cracker, laughing at the awful jokes from inside.

For an alien he was fun and she actually thought she might miss him but she hadn't been remotely tempted when he'd said she could go with him. As fun as he was he terrified her and she didn't think she'd be strong enough for him. He needed someone to challenge him, to make him stop and think. Donna couldn't imagine herself being that sort of person because, despite all the bravado and her big mouth, she'd been scared out of her wits today.

She admired the Doctor for what he did and, if he'd save the Earth as regularly as he hinted at, she was glad he was on their side. He would not be a good enemy to have.

She wondered how many people knew who he was or what he did. How many people knew that they were alive today because of him? No one had thanked him for today; in fact no one knew what had happened underground except for her. As far as the rest of the country was concerned, the Prime Minister had saved the day by shooting down the Racnoss' ship.

He reminded her a bit of Robin Hood; saving those less fortunate, or in Earth's case, inferior, and then running off into the stars, ready to fight another day. Only real difference was the Doctor didn't have a band of merry men to keep him company.

She sighed and watched the snow ease. The Doctor was gone and she was alone again and for a moment she felt empty. But the feeling soon ended when she heard her mother yelling at her dad for some reason or another.

Unlike the alien, she had a family, for better or worse. He was alone, truly alone and Donna couldn't help but wonder if anyone else in the universe knew, or even cared.

If he'd stayed a moment longer, looking at her with those big brown tearful eyes she might have done something drastic like hug him. But he'd hurried himself behind the door of the box and disappeared into the night, jetting off like a giant, gleaming shooting star.

The only problem with shooting stars is that they burn too brightly and eventually they burn out.

XxXxX

The TARDIS relaxed into floating in the vortex as the Doctor stomped around the control panel, fixing things that didn't really need to be fixed as usual. If he didn't keep himself busy he would lose all the composure he'd fought so hard to keep all day.

He'd had a few wobbles. Every blond he had a moment to notice reminded him of Rose and then Donna had asked her name. He knew that if he didn't get out of there soon there was no way he'd be able to keep it at bay.

No one had ever really asked about past companions before but he got the feeling it wasn't Donna's curiosity that made her ask. She didn't seem the type to care who he traveled with. And then he realized. All day he'd referred to her as 'my friend', as if he couldn't bear to say her name. It was only when Donna had asked that he'd said it. He hadn't even really had a chance to process what had been said on the beach, Donna had been right there.

Ironically the Time Lord ran out of time, he'd been about to tell her everything, tell her how special she was, how much he was going to miss her and how much he loved her. He'd prepared himself for it. There would be no fall out from it, the world wouldn't have collapsed and he wouldn't have to worry that it might ruin their friendship as there was absolutely nothing he could do about it now even if he wanted to. Then she told him she loved him and he felt trapped between elation and devastation at how much it was hurting her.

He'd wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be alright like he always did but he couldn't. He was denied the one thing that he wanted most; his hand to hold, being held by and holding his best friend and, if he was honest and sentimental about it, his savior.

Without Rose he would have continued to exist, traveling from place to place, averting the occasional disaster, but it wasn't a life, not until Rose blew into his life and woke him up.

That's when he stopped and sat heavily on the jump seat. Ignoring it wasn't helping, it was just making the urge even harder and more painful to control. His head ached and he felt nauseas with it.

Dropping his head to his hands the Doctor let out his tears, finally after hours of running around after brides and giant spiders. His body shook with his grief and relief at letting it go. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried over anyone and that worried him too. He'd never got that attached to anyone before, he'd never loved anyone like this before, he couldn't have done otherwise it would've hurt, leaving them behind or losing them, just as much as it did now.

For once the Doctor cried himself dry, until his body ached and he felt exhausted. Dragging himself from the seat he wondered along the corridor to his seldom used bedroom. After washing his face he flopped on his bed and closed his eyes as sleep crept in.

He would always miss her, would always wish she was with him, sharing the universe with him, taking in the sights and inspiring him to live them anew. But most of all, the Doctor would always be proud of Rose Tyler, for everything she did in this universe and all he knew she would do in Pete's world.

XxXxX


	23. Smith and Jones

Alarm bells were already ringing in his head. He only invited her along because he wanted a break from being on his own. He really was better off that way but every now and then he wanted a bit of company.

She wasn't staying though. He was adamant about that. He wasn't ready to have someone else in his space full time, especially someone who was flirting with him. Well, he thought that's what she was doing but he found it hard to tell these days. He thought back on Rose. She never really flirted with him, unless he started it. Twisting something she said into something else. She'd just grin at him with her tongue between her teeth and he knew he'd baited her.

That was one of the things he missed, being able to have a laugh, no expectations just two friends giggling and laughing their way through space. Of course it wasn't the only thing; Rose had been a force of nature, never too afraid to jump in feet first.

That's what he'd admired about Martha up on the moon; she'd kept her head when all those around her were panicking, she'd jumped into the situation no questions asked. Well very few questions anyway.

He really shouldn't have done that genetic transfer, if there'd been any other way he wouldn't have, knowing how humans take things like that. Should've known it would give the wrong impression no matter what he told her. Still she'd just said she was only interested in humans. He hoped that was true. Not that it really mattered; she was going home after this trip. Back to her family. Just like Rose.

XxXxX

Martha watched as he leapt around the consol, spinning dials and flicking levers. She still found it hard to think of him as an alien even though she knew it was true. He looked so normal. He looked like every other human being on the planet. Well apart from the fact that he was madder than most and definitely cuter than most men she knew.

Maybe it was the danger they had been in that had made him so attractive, shame it wasn't wearing off. She found her eyes drifting to his bum every time he sprinted passed her or leant over the consol. Running was obviously as good at toning as everyone said it was, she actually wanted to reach out and…...

Martha shook the thought away as she gripped one of the railings a little tighter as the ship shook.

The Doctor was talking but she couldn't hear what he was saying.

"What?" she yelled over the rumbling.

"Wasn't talking to you, never mind," he answered.

Yep, he was definitely mad, completely nuts. Still, it didn't make him any less attractive, if in fact, that was what he really looked like.

She hadn't thought of that. He'd said earlier that the Judoon could have been looking for a shapeshifter. Could Time Lords shape shift? Did he really look human, was that his true form? She knew he had two hearts and she found herself wondering if he had two of anything else.

Bad Martha! Bad Martha! When did her mind descend to the gutter? Oh yeah, after he kissed her, saved the hospital, with her help, then saved her from a disastrous night with the family. Quite the hero he was turning out to be so she decided she should make the most of this unique opportunity.

'Just one trip to say 'thanks', you get one trip, then back home. I'd rather be on my own'

She hadn't quite believed him when he'd said that. He didn't look like he wanted to be on his own, obviously she was just not the person he really wanted to be with. Still, things change. He might grow to like having her around, she was sure she could get used to the TARDIS. All the things he could take her to see. All the where's and when's. Her brain almost ached as she tried to imagine them all.

Where would they end up this time and when? Where was he taking her? The bubble of excitement grew.

XxXxX

Had he just caught her watching his bum? No, can't have been, must have been his imagination. She said herself she was only interested in humans and he'd felt the flush of relief rush over him.

He didn't need any more complications on his ship. Things with Rose had been complicated sometimes. Although she hadn't appeared to expect anything from him he found himself wanting to give her everything, including himself sometimes and he knew she'd take it, but common sense had always won out and everything remained unsaid. A fact he regretted now but he was almost convinced Rose knew how he felt about her. She wouldn't; have stuck around so long and tried to stay with him if she hadn't.

Still things with Martha were not complicated in the least. One trip to say thank you and to break up his time alone for a few hours and then that was it; he'd take her back home and get back to doing what he did best; getting into trouble without even looking for it, saving the universe then brooding a bit, saving the universe again, getting into even more trouble and brooding a bit more. He'd had lots of practice over the centuries and had it down to a fine art now.

One thing did make him wonder though. He'd invited Martha along for a one off thank you but he'd invited Donna with no time constraints. Would he have got bored and wanted to be on his own if Donna had come along? Would he have killed her through sheer frustration or would she have driven him to drink? Maybe, just maybe she would have killed him, she had given him a murderous look many times in the first few moments of meeting him and he was sure her bite was worse than her bark.

Maybe he'd invited her because he didn't want to go back into an empty TARDIS; maybe that was all it was. He'd literally just said goodbye forever to his best friend and the thought of being alone, without a distraction, had unnerved him a little but he was used to being alone again now. He didn't feel the need to have someone with him all the time; just knowing they were on board

He glanced over at Martha, gripping the rail tightly. She looked out of place to him, like she didn't quite fit.

No, Martha Jones was not staying, she was just a distraction. One fun, trouble free visit. A sightseeing trip, nothing more. He was sure he could manage that for a few hours. Seemed only fair.

"So, forward or backward?" he called.

"What?"

"Forward or backward in time?" he asked with just a hint of impatience.

"Oh, I dunno. Hadn't thought," Martha replied.

"Right then, driver's choice it is." He flicked a few switches and the TARDIS lurched in another direction causing them both to grab for the controls.

"We're really travelling through time?"

"Yes we are."

"But how do you travel in time? What makes it go?"

"Oh, let's take the fun and mystery out of everything. Martha, you don't want to know. It just does. Hold on tight!" he told her, turning a wheel at his side.

The TARDIS lurched, throwing them aside.

"Do you have to pass a test to fly this thing?" Martha asked getting up from where she fell.  
"Yes, and I failed it," he told her with a small amount of glee as he shrugged on his coat and threw hers at her. "Now make the most of it. I promised you one trip and one trip only." He ran to the doors. "Outside this door, a brave new world."

"Where are we?" Martha asked, barely able to contain her excitement.

"Take a look. After you."

XxXxX


	24. The Shakespeare Code

Martha sat heavily on the jump seat watching the Doctor giggle to himself as he dashed to the consol, so many thoughts swirling in her mind it was hard to put them in any kind of order.

She hadn't really known what to expect if she was honest but she was sure it wasn't aliens with a world domination bid in the middle of Shakespearian London.

Trying to settle with the fact she was in the presence of one alien was odd enough. Shakespeare was right; she was amazed the Doctor existed. She also couldn't figure him out.

One minute he'd be off hand the next he seemed almost glad she was there.

He was impatient, that was for sure; "oh I hate starting from scratch", and very odd, the way he'd babble to himself as if there was no one else in the room but it was kind of sexy. She thought her heart would stop when he'd unbuttoned his jacket and flopped down on the small bed, inviting her to join him.

She thought she'd misunderstood so she waited, watching him as he stared straight ahead, she could have sworn she actually heard the wheels in his brain whirring as he thought on the night's events.

Then he'd totally surprised her by telling her he'd read Harry Potter! Now, there were many things Martha could believe of him but reading Harry Potter was not one that would have sprung to mind.

She was pondering that thought when he'd asked; "are you going to stand there all night?" and her stomach flipped but she didn't miss the impatient look he gave when she asked him to budge up.

Had he ever shared a bed with Rose? Did she use him as a pillow or something? Was that why he gave her that look? Wondering if she'd somehow offended him, Martha flirted a little but he wasn't listening to her. He spoke right over her but when he rolled on his side to face her; he seemed to gaze into her soul, as if the answers were in there somewhere. She was beginning to fall into a sort of trance, gazing back into his big brown eyes but she was snapped back out of it pretty sharp-ish with three little words;

"Rose would know."

She felt her heart sink and a pang of jealousy struck, yet again, for a girl she'd never meet as she realised he wasn't looking at her, he was looking through her. He looked sad and lost as he gazed passed her to the wall, longing for his lost friend; the one who, apparently, had all the answers. When he looked back at her there was a flicker of something, as if he had drifted away for a moment then suddenly realised who was with him before he rolled onto his back again.

With a brusque tone he'd dismissed her;

"You're a novice, never mind. I'll take you back tomorrow." As if she was an unwanted gift.

She watched for a moment as he stared back at the ceiling, losing himself in whatever thoughts there were, unable to comprehend his sudden change in mood. One minute he'd be laughing about something as silly as Harry Potter and the next he looked like he had the weight of the universe on his shoulders.

She felt the annoyance and hurt at his comments, as if she were worthless, an unwanted inconvenience. He seemed to get close to letting her into some secret about himself and would then shove her away.

She remembered thinking as she blew out the candle that if that's the way he wanted it then fine, she wasn't going to stay where she wasn't wanted.

The next thing she knew, the Doctor was off the bed and running before Martha even had the chance to absorb the scream properly. He obviously hadn't slept, he was far too alert. She found herself wondering if he ever slept, as she chased after him. Did his mind ever close down?

Martha would say she got her answer inside the Globe as she watched him pace around the floor.

To anyone else he would look completely mad; bashing the top of his head as if it would bring him the answers. But she'd learnt quickly that she loved watching him work things out. When he came up to the stage, waxing lyrical about the power in words, she couldn't help but smile. He looked like an excited child, stroking the surface of the stage and she loved the excitement and passion he showed so easily for things.

Her eyes travelled over his face, noting the freckles she thought she'd seen in the gloom last night. Such a human thing to have, it was so easy to forget that the man stood before her wasn't really a man at all and had two hearts.

She remembered the feeling of satisfaction when he smiled at her TARDIS analogy.

"Oh. Oh. Martha Jones, I like you."

And she loved how he wasn't easily fazed unlike most men she knew, she laughed when Shakespeare had flirted with him and he'd just rolled his eyes. Although he had walked into that one she supposed.

"We can all have a good flirt later."

"Is that a promise Doctor?"

The first time she caught even a glimpse of real anger was as he dismissed the jailer. The tone of his voice measured, but there was hardness in his eyes that would be unnerving to anyone on the receiving end.

Martha felt she'd learned a lot about him but knew it was only a drop in the ocean compared to what there was to know.

She knew that he was intelligent and brave. Sympathetic to all those in need and despised injustice. But there was one thing she hadn't heard from him that bothered her more than she'd like. The ghost on his shoulder, the one that saddened him. Martha wanted to know more about her. What happened to her and what she'd meant to him but she was afraid to ask. She didn't think she'd known him long enough to ask.

She'd caught a hint of an answer on All Hallows Street.

As she fell she was vaguely aware of him catching her and she could hear their voices as if they were in the distance, part of a dream that was fading away.

"No name. Why would a man hide his title in such despair? Oh, but look. There's still one word with a power that aches. "

"The naming won't work on me,"

"But your heart grows cold. The north wind blows and carries down the distant….Rose,"

"Oh, big mistake. 'Cause that name keeps me fighting."

He used no violence of that she was sure. The Doctor, like the Carrionites, believes in the power of words. He could probably talk his way out of most things.

Martha remembered her fear at seeing him fall to the ground in a heap at the Carrionites trick and her astonishment at how quickly he recovered, bounding out the door like a puppy after a stick. It just endeared him to her even more.

There she was in the middle of Shakespearian London with one of the most romantic writers the world would ever know and she was still enamoured with the alien.

"The Doctor may never kiss you. Why not entertain a man who will?"

What did he know? He'd known the Doctor for even less time than she had. Sure, Will was charming and had the poetry of words but the Doctor was something else and Will knew that. He wasn't a stupid man but she had to admit she never expected him to accept that the Doctor wasn't human and Martha was from the future so easily. That was something that really surprised her.

As Shakespeare flirted with her during their farewell she couldn't help but look up at the Time Lord. The look on his face had her caught between humour and disappointment. She wanted him to be a little annoyed maybe, impatient, jealous even but all she saw was amusement. Still it was early days. People change and they had really only known each other for a day or two and it was quite nice being wooed.

That was until Elizabeth the First entered the building and called the Doctor evil. He was far from evil as far as Martha could see; he'd saved her and the world twice in the time she'd known him.

Giggling as he slammed the door shut on the Queens guards, he ran to the consol and fired up the engines.

Martha threw herself onto the seat catching her breath as the Doctor stripped himself of his coat, throwing it haphazardly over one of the support beams. And that's where they were now.

The Doctor had been fiddling with the control panel for a while after an extremely turbulent take off and hadn't said a word to her since his giggling stopped.

"What now?" she asked finally not wanting to sit in silence with her thoughts any longer.

"Just one trip, that's what I said. One trip in the TARDIS and then home. Although, I suppose we could stretch the definition."

Martha began to swing her legs in anticipation, holding her breath in hopes that he'd ask her to stay.

"Take one trip into the past, one trip into the future. How do you fancy that?"

"No complaints from me!"

"How about a different planet?"

XxXxX

Had to admit, he'd liked having someone around, he wasn't quite ready to be on his own again yet.

Even the mention of Rose still hurt and he found himself thinking about her and talking about her when he shouldn't. He needed a distraction. One more trip wouldn't make any difference. He'd take her home after that. He was better off on his own. Most of the time.

XxXxX


	25. Gridlock

"But what did he mean, the face of Boe?"

The Doctor stopped and turned to face her.

"'You are not alone.'"

"I don't know," he told her honestly.

Martha stepped towards him, smiling. "You've got me. Is that what he meant?"

The Doctor shook his head, the corners of his mouth twitching in sad amusement. Martha still thought of things being simple, as if being with someone meant you weren't alone. But the Doctor knew you could be surrounded by people and still feel like the loneliest being in the universe. "I don't think so, sorry."

"Then what?" she asked, unable to hide the sulkiness of her voice.

"Doesn't matter. Back to the TARDIS, off we go." He turned to head off again when he heard movement behind him. Turning back he found Martha sat in a chair, legs crossed and arms folded defiantly. "Oh right, are you staying?"

"'Til you talk to me properly, yes. He said 'last of your kind', what does that mean?" she demanded.

"It really doesn't matter," he told her, hoping to sound convincing. He didn't want to talk about any of it. Not with Martha. He'd barely told Rose anything about his past and Rose had never pushed. She seemed to just accept there were somethings he didn't want to share even when she had the right to know. If she'd asked more recently he probably would have told her, and if he hadn't lost her to the rift he definitely would have. He would have been all she had really, sure she'd had friends but she rarely saw them while travelling with him. They became a family of two in the TARDIS and that was the way they liked it.

"You don't talk. You never say! Why not?"

The Doctor didn't answer, his ears pricked up to the sound of voices. It was one of the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard. Full of love and hope for the future the people of the city now shared.

'Fast falls the eventide.'

"It's the city," Martha breathed, as enchanted as the Doctor, all anger gone.

'The darkness deepens.'

"They're singing." She looked over at him and watched as his eyes began to glisten. When he glanced at her she could see the unshed tears that were threatening.

'Lord with me abide.'

The Doctor looked at her. She no longer looked angry, she looked sad, almost pitying and he hated that look. He could just walk away, she'd follow eventually, she had to to get home but something had changed in the last few seconds. He realised unlike with Rose, he'd lied to his companion, something he'd always said he'd never do. She wasn't staying so what was the harm, this once, in telling his story? It wasn't going to be easy, it never was but Martha would only ask again and again until he got her home if he didn't tell her.

'When other helpers fail.'

It took him a few moments to find the right words and a few tries to get them out.

"I lied to you. 'Cause I liked it. I could pretend. Just for a bit I could imagine they were still alive underneath a burnt orange sky."

Martha's jaw dropped, she didn't really know what she'd been expecting him to say but what he said next bowled her over.

"I'm not just a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords. The Face of Boe was wrong. There's no one else."

"What happened?"

The Doctor hesitated for a moment, unsure that he wanted to continue but seeing the look on her face he came to a decision. Sighing, he picked up a chair and sat opposite.

"There was a war. A Time War. The last Great Time War. My people fought a race called the Daleks, for the sake of all creation. And they lost. We lost. Everyone lost." He gazed off, past her shoulder. "They're all gone now. My family, my friends, even that sky. Oh, you should have seen it, that old planet." His face broke into a smile momentarily before the corners of his lips turned down, holding back the tears that were glistening even more. "The second sun would rise in the south, and the mountains would shine. The leaves on the trees were silver, and when they caught the light every morning, it looked like a forest on fire. When the autumn came, the breeze would blow through the branches like a song and the fallen leaves would create a carpet that sparkled against the red grass."

Martha sat enchanted by him, imagining his home while never once looking away from his face. He looked wistful and proud as he thought on his planet and Martha couldn't help but ask. "What happened to it? You said even the sky was gone. Where did it go?"

He looked back at her, his eyes suddenly darker but Martha stood her ground.

"It's all gone. There's nothing left."

"But how? How does a war destroy an entire planet? Was it some kind of nuclear blast?"

"You could say that." He stood abruptly, stuffing his hands in his pocket. "Come on then. Time to get you home."

"Wait a minute. That's not an answer!" she called as he began walking in the direction of the TARDIS.

"Does it really matter?" he sighed, turning to face her.

"Yes!" she told him incredulously.

"Why?" he snapped. "Why does it matter how my home was destroyed? It's gone. That's all there is to it."

"No it's not. I want to know you! I'm travelling around through time and space with someone who hides who he is, don't I deserve some answers?"

"You could have stayed home, no one made you come." He softened at the look on her face. "Sometimes it's better to remember the way things were rather than how they are."

"You don't believe that."

He gave a self depreciating laugh. "No I do. I just can't do one without the other." Giving a deep sigh he gazed at the toes of his plimsolls. "Something happened that caused our primary star to explode. It burnt everything in its path." He looked back at her, his face devoid of emotions, completely unreadable. "There's nothing left Martha, nothing but rocks and dust."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah." He pressed his lips together. "Well, I certainly know how to entertain, don't I?! Let you get kidnapped and trapped on an underground motorway, nearly get you killed a few times at different points in time and space." He gave her a half smile. "Sorry."

Martha shrugged. "It's not all that bad…. Did you get into trouble with Rose?"

"All the time," he chuckled. "Always running, never staying still. Rolling from one place to the next." He stopped at the monitor on the wall and gazed at the view. He and Rose had stood on that grass and watched New Earth. She'd jumped up and down beside him, excitement and happiness colouring her face. They'd stayed there for ages, lying on his coat, watching the cars flying by as he told her the city's history.

He drifted off for a few moments, remembering her laugh at him and saying how different he was. She'd kissed him in the hospital. Okay so she wasn't in control of her body but he hadn't realised at the time, not immediately anyway and although he'd been stunned he had enjoyed it. It had been a long time since anyone had kissed him like that and now here he was, back on New Earth without her. It felt wrong.

"Anyway," he sighed, returning his attention to the present. "Come on you. Back to the TARDIS."

Martha sighed beside him as they strolled back to the ship.

"Hasn't been much fun has it?" he asked.

"Actually it has, a little scary, but fun."

"Sorry."

"Why? This is your life isn't it? This is what you do, you save people."

"I suppose so." He reached in his pocket for his door key.

"So… who saves you Doctor?"

He gave a slight frown and his eyes darkened as he slid his gaze to her. "I don't need saving," he told her quietly, stepping through the door into the control room. "Right then." He clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "Martha Jones, are you feeling lucky?"

"What?"

"Fancy anywhere or when in particular or shall we just let the old girl choose?"

"I thought I was going home?"

"Well you can if you want to; I just thought seeing as this wasn't exactly trouble free maybe I could give you a replacement journey. Just the one, see if I can take you somewhere without getting one of us kidnapped or something."

"Really?"

"Yeah why not? Unless you want to go home."

"NO!" she said a little too loudly and quickly.

"Just the one trip mind."

"That's what you said last time," she said with a smile.

"So, which is it to be?"

"I don't mind, I'll go anywhere. You choose."

The Doctor nodded and set the TARDIS in motion.

'You are not alone.'

He shook his head at the echo. The Face of Boe was definitely wrong.

Sure, he had company right now, but he was more alone than ever.

XxXxX


	26. Daleks of Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks

"Just proves it. There's someone for everyone," Martha said happily.

"Maybe." The Doctor's voice was so quiet she almost missed it but as she looked up at him she saw the sadness on his face and she knew she'd said the wrong thing.

Rose obviously meant more to him than just a friend. She must have because he seems to die a little inside each time he's reminded of her. The spark dies from his eyes and he seems colder and older and a little more tired.

This had been the third trip she'd officially had with him now, if you didn't count the trip to the moon and she was still no closer to figuring him out. All she really knew was that her crush on him was getting stronger. A lot stronger, first Shakespeare had noticed and now Tallulah.

"I've seen the way you look at him. It's obvious."

Martha smiled to herself as she stepped into the TARDIS once again remembering how Tallulah had assumed he was gay.

Sometimes he'd be serious and severe;

'Never waste time on a hug!'

But like the flick of a switch he could be joking and even flirting, of course it was always at the most inappropriate time.

'Yeah, well you can kiss me later.'

She couldn't lie to herself; her heart had skipped a beat when he'd said that. But her rational mind kicked her when he finished the sentence.

'You too Frank, if you want.'

Frank just smiled and let out a little laugh as they trudged their way along the tunnels

XxXxX

The Doctor's head was spinning and it wasn't often that events had that effect on him.

"They survive. They always survive, while I lose everything,"

He could still taste the disgust, loathing, and anger he felt at first sight of them. And was a shocked to feel more than a little hatred of his own for a species, something he never thought would consume him in such a way.

He thought losing Rose had at least rid the universe of the Daleks. Turns out it was for nothing. Rose lost the life she knew and he lost her all for nothing. If the Cult of Skaro had survived he wondered how many more could be out there. He hoped against hope that Caan was the last but the Doctor now knew that either the universe has a sick sense of humour or he must've done something really awful once upon a time. Was this pay back for how he ended the war? Was he being punished for doing the only thing in his power to save the rest of the universe or was he being punished because he survived when the rest burned?

As he stood in Hooverville, he'd felt the chill of déjà vu. The flames and explosions, people screaming and dying all around, for a moment he imagined himself back home or at Canary Wharf. He knew in that instant he would have to sacrifice himself again to save the rest of the universe, because the Daleks wouldn't stop at conquering earth. The TARDIS would have taken Martha home, where she belonged. There was no way he could have let the Daleks win, not this time. He would end the battle they had started all those years ago; the battle he'd fought again beside Rose. He was determined to make things right and if that meant giving himself up then he would. There was no one to miss him anymore, no one to save him from himself, no one to care that he was no more.

So he stood there, arms out yelling into the darkened sky, waiting for the laser to take away his life in such a way that regeneration was impossible. And although he probably should have, he hadn't felt even a moment of fear standing there. Maybe Lilith was right, maybe death had been waiting for him a long time.

But it wasn't his time yet. The universe wasn't finished with him it seemed as the Daleks changed their minds. And he wouldn't stop fighting, Rose wouldn't want him to, she'd unleash a Tyler slap if she knew he was even thinking about giving up.

So he would fight until he couldn't fight anymore. Didn't mean he would ever forget her, or stop missing her, nor would he ever not want to bound around the TARDIS looking for her, to tell her things and share jokes.

Martha had her moments but now it really was time for her to go home, no more trips, no more detours or scenic routes. Just one more destination, her home.

XxXxX

"Thought I'd lost you for a minute there on that roof," Martha said, drawing his attention as they stood at the control panel.

"Maybe you did. Still, I'm here now." He gave her a smile that wasn't exactly reassuring.

'Alright, so it's my turn. Then kill me. Kill me if it will stop you attacking these people.'

'Then do it, do it, just do it. Do it. Do it.'

"You weren't really going to let them kill you though, were you, back in Hooverville? Everyone was ducking and screaming, running away but you just stood there, watching them, making no attempt to run. You spoke about the Daleks before; they were the ones who destroyed your home."

"Yes."

"You wouldn't really have let them win though right? I mean you had a plan to stop them killing you….didn't you?"

He looked at her for the first time since they'd entered the ship; his eyes were so dark they were almost black and the green light of the central column made him look so sinister Martha felt a chill.

"If that's what it took to stop them," he told her evenly.

"So you would have left me behind? Alone in a different country, not even in my own time?"

"The TARDIS would have taken you home."

"How was I supposed to know that? What, have you got some sort of death wish or something?"

"It's a different morality Martha Jones," he told her as he threw his coat over one of the columns and began flicking switches. "It's always about the bigger picture, the greater good. One person verses the safety of the entire universe? I pick the universe. I have to. If they had taken over Manhattan, Earth would soon follow and once Earth was taken it would be the solar system and they would keep breeding and spreading and conquering like a disease. They've taken the good things in my life and destroyed them leaving nothing but destruction and hated in their path. That's no way for any species to live."

Would he ever have done that to Rose? She wanted to ask but infuriatingly his argument made sense.

"But even after they'd changed their minds, in the theatre, did you know then that they wouldn't kill you?"

"There were no guarantees but I knew the Dalek humans wouldn't, not with my DNA."

She stared at him for a moment as the TARDIS set off.

When he'd walked across the back of those seat he seemed to float, like some unearthly being, which she realised he was. But seeing him standing there, hands in his pockets facing up to two Daleks, it was one of the most enigmatic things she'd ever seen.

Earlier in the day he'd stood in the centre of all four Daleks, talking to them as if they held no danger to him. His bravery still had her in awe.

The TARDIS began to jolt and vibrate so Martha grabbed hold of the consol to keep her balance until it steadied again.

"There we go, perfect landing. Which isn't easy in such a tight spot," the Doctor said happily.

"You should be used to tight spots by now! Where are we?" Martha asked, excited at the prospect of another adventure.

"End of the line."

Martha runs to the doors, a grin plastered on her face.

"No place like it," the Doctor calls after her.

"Home? You took me home?" she asked as he stepped out behind her smiling happily.

"Back to the morning after we left. So you've only been gone about twelve hours. No time at all really."

"But all the stuff we've done, Shakespeare, new New York, old New York."

"Yup, all in one night. Relatively speaking, everything should be just as it was. Books, c.d's, laundry." He picked up a pair of her knickers and held them out to her to emphasise his point. "So, back where you were, as promised.

"This is it?"

"Yeah, I'd should probably…" He was cut off as the phone rang.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled as she left eh answer phone to pick it up. It was her mum, as usual.

He smiled and chuckled as he mother told her she knew she was probably there and that she should turn on the t.v to see Tish.

As Martha reached for the remote control, the Doctor stepped beside her to watch, out of curiosity.

"With the push of a single button, I will change what it means to be human."

XxXxX


	27. Chapter 27

He'd sounded so tired and Tish had seen the genuine feeling in his face. He'd been talking from experience. But who was he? Martha had never really said. How could he feel all of that, how could he know from experience when he couldn't be much more than in his thirties?

Tish Jones' life had taken a drastic turn today. She'd known her view of the world would have changed if Lazarus' experiment had worked but she never thought she'd be stuck in the middle of a Science Fiction horror.

Martha had jumped into the fray, always backing the Doctor no matter where he went or what he did.

Tish didn't really understand the relationship between her sister and the Doctor but she supposed Martha knew what she was doing. Her mother was almost catatonic that Martha had gone after him but Tish could see why.

He was a mystery of a man but he was definitely handy to have around.

Her mother had said that Mr Saxon had sent information that he was dangerous but Tish wasn't sure how much she should believe. Who did he pose a danger to?

He'd saved them all without knowing any of them, her mother had slapped him and he still ran to the rescue. He was brave and brilliant and she could see how he could be dangerous but there was something about him that made her feel at ease, as if just his presence could make everything right.

Martha could get into enough trouble by herself; she didn't need anyone else's help but she could look after herself. Martha had always been the most independent of them all, never one to follow people blindly.

Maybe it was the mystery of him that Martha liked; the break from the normal.

She'd listened to every word said in the Cathedral and the more she listened the more questions she had.

"The blitz, I was there."

She'd watched the Doctor listening as he circled Lazarus, looking for something, a solution? A way out? A way to end it? His mind seemed to be working all the time, never stopping.

"Facing death is part of being human, you can't change that."

"No Doctor, avoiding death, that's being human. It's our strongest impulse, to cling to life with every fibre of our being."

"There's no such thing as an ordinary human."

"You're so sentimental Doctor; maybe you are older than you look."

"I'm old enough to know that a longer life isn't always a better one. In the end, you just get tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of losing everyone that matters to you. Tired of watching everything turn to dust.

If you live long enough, Lazarus, the only certainty left is that you'll end up alone."

"It's a price worth paying."

"Is it?"

Yes, Letitia Jones had a lot of questions about the Doctor but if Martha trusted him then that was enough for her. For now anyway.

XxXxX

The Doctor walked slowly through the corridors of the TARDIS, a cup of tea in hand.

He'd allowed Martha on board but he wasn't entirely sure it was what he wanted, not full time.

He stopped in the doorway of a room he rarely entered. Since playing the organ in the Cathedral he'd had a hankering to play. He'd found it quite therapeutic.

Setting his cup on the shiny wooden surface of the piano top, he sat on the piano stool.

He stretched his fingers and let them run over the keys.

'It's quarter to three,

there's no one in the place,

'cept you and me.

So set 'em up Joe,

I've got a little story,

I think you should know.

We're drinking my friend,

To the end of a brief episode.

So make it one for my….'

He shook his head and sighed. It felt a bit wrong having someone else on board after all this time. There had never really been any question when it came to Rose. She was on board; it was up to her if she stayed. His decision today had been forced on him really but maybe he had spent enough time on his own.

"Some people live more in 20 years than they do in 80. It's not the time that matters, it's the person."

Part of him hated that Rose still played on his mind so often, it still hurt, even after all this time and he worried that it wouldn't stop. Maybe that was a good thing, reminding him that he was capable of loving but Rose had been one of a kind for him. She may even have been the love of his life. She'd done so much for him; she'd made him who he was, literally and metaphorically.

He really needed to try and focus on the future, he had someone new to look after now, to keep from getting killed.

"Look around you, nothing but death and destruction."

Francine was right about that, death and destruction did tend to follow him around but if he dwelled on it all too long he would end up in a very dark place like he had at Christmas. He went too far with the Racnoss and Donna was right. He did need someone to stop him, like Rose had. He needed someone to pull him out of the darkness of his existence sometimes. Maybe Martha would be good for him.

Taking a deep breath he put his fingers back on the keys.

'Goodnight my Angel time to close your eyes,

And save these questions for another day,

I think I think I know what you've been asking me,

I think you know what I've been trying say.

I promise I would never leav you,

And you should always know,

Wherever you may go, no matter where you are.

I never will be far away.

Goodnight my angel now it's time to sleep

And still so many things I want to say,

Remember all the songs you sang for me a

When we went sailing on an emerald bay,

And like a boat out in the ocean,

I'm rocking you to sleep.

The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart,

You'll always be a part of me.

Goodnight my Angel now it's time to dream,

And dream how wonderful your life will be.

Someday your child may cry and if you sing this lullabye

Then in your heart there will always be a part of me.

Someday we'll all be gone but Lullabyes go on and on

They never die, that's how you and I will be.'

It occurred to the Doctor that his existence had been more than a little melancholy of late. He missed the feeling of lightness that he used to feel as he drifted from one place to the next. For almost a year he'd felt like that every day and he hoped that the feeling would return one day.

XxXxX

Martha waited until the song finished before she opened the door.

The Doctor was sat staring at the piano looking a little lost and confused.

"Alright?"

"Mmm?" he looked round at her. "Oh yes. Been a while since I've played."

"It was nice."

"Good old Billy Joel," he sighed, getting to his feet. "Found a room?"

"There are hundreds of doors, what are they all for?"

"Dunno, what ever I want them to be I suppose."

"I tried one just down the hall from yours but it was locked."

"Mmm, yes well, some of them are in use."

"Ooo, for what?"

"Nothing you need to worry about."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Locked doors on a ship that holds one man?"

"It wasn't always just me," he reminded her.

"Oh, right." Rose's room, she added mentally. Should have guessed. "Earlier, when you were talking to Lazarus about being tired and how a longer life isn't always better; you were talking from experience weren't you? Just how old are you?"

"What an impertinent question!" he joked with a smile. "I've been around for 900 years give or take."

"You're 900 years old? Blimey, I knew you were older than you said. Back in the hospital you had your date of birth as 1981, I knew then you weren't only 26. No way."

"Oi! Careful, I'm close to being offended."

"Well be honest, 36 definitely but 26 is pushing it. So….how long have you been on your own?"

"Long enough."

"So what now?" Martha asked, changing the subject and stifling a yawn.

"Looks like sleep for you and a change of clothes for me. Told you things go badly when I wear this suit."

"And I told you, it's not the suit, that's just you."

He regarded her for a moment with a slight smirk before retrieving his mug from the piano.

This was it, Martha had to ask, she had to know. "Who was she Doctor? Rose, what was she to you? Really?"

The Doctor's gaze became wistful as he stared off into some imaginary distance, a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"She was….," his smile grew slightly as he gave a small, quiet laugh. "She is the best friend some one like me could ask for." He nodded. "Goodnight Martha Jones."

"Goodnight Doctor."

They both waited for a moment before either one moved, not really knowing what to do.

The Doctor moved first, heading for the door and paused in front of her. "Welcome on board." He gave her a soft smile and left her in the piano room.

"Thank you," she replied belatedly, once again left alone to figure him out.

XxXxX


	28. 42

The Doctor stared at the control panel as Martha said her goodbyes.

He'd nearly lost it all; the TARDIS, Martha.

Watching Martha drift away from him without knowing if he really could bring her back, he felt helpless. He'd lost enough people in his lifetimes already; he didn't want to add another to the list.

It turned out that Martha hadn't really needed him once she was back on board. She'd saved him and the ship pretty much by herself.

He shouldn't have been surprised; Rose had done the same often enough but there was always the knowledge that Rose would always want him around, by her side when she did.

Martha was more independent than Rose.

He watched on the monitor as Martha kissed a man she barely knew and wondered if he would ever have the courage or want to do that.

Unlike Rose, Martha didn't need him in her life. They weren't as close and probably never would be. Getting close to anyone was a bad idea with his life style and before Rose, the only person he'd been really close to had been Sarah-Jane and he'd let her down. That was what he did; he either let them down or hurt them, usually both.

So he'd made his decision, keep them all at arms length, never allow himself to get too involved with anyone's life and he'd be fine.

And unlike so many before her, Martha had a purpose. She knew what she wanted to do with her life so her presence would only ever really be temporary in the grand scheme of things, no matter what she thought or felt now.

He wasn't stupid, he knew Martha had a bit of a thing for him, but that would wear off. She was probably just in awe of the fact he could take her anywhere in the universe and time. The shine would soon dull on that experience.

He'd been glad she was there today though. He'd never admitted he was scared before, not even to Rose but today he'd felt lost with no way back. Now he knew how Rose must've felt, left on her own; all that time ago on Krop Tor. At that moment he really believed he was going to regenerate again and he wasn't ready for that. Last time it hadn't been such a wrench. He had come through the darkest times of his lives, so the regeneration was like a full stop at the end of a sentence. But today the thought scared him, if he had regenerated today he'd have lost a part of himself. He had happy memories in this form and although all incarnations share the same memories their thoughts and feelings on them sometimes changed and he wasn't ready to let anything go, not just yet.

But, life was getting easier; he had Martha to distract him from himself. Before he knew it he'd be bouncing around the universe happy as Larry. Well, maybe, but the thought was good.

XxXxX

Martha sighed and rolled onto her back. She was having real trouble sleeping. Occasionally she'd hear the Doctor pad past her door, muttering to himself and she wondered if he wanted to talk to her.

He'd looked almost like he was braking when she'd come back on board, as if he'd lost something that meant a lot.

She wondered, for a spilt second if it had been her, if he'd seen her kissing Riley and felt alone or maybe even a little jealous. Well she hoped more for the latter. Deep down she knew he'd been disturbed by how scared he'd been, one thing she did know about him; when things were going wrong he didn't like not being in control and he'd never normally admit to being scared. He'd had to rely on her today and that can't have been easy.

She heard him padding back along the corridor and she leapt form her bed and ran to the door. Waiting until he was right outside she threw the door open, making him jump.

"Blimey! What's wrong?" he asked, concern plain on his face at his companion's urgency to leave her room.

"I was just going to ask you the same thing. You've been pacing up and down this corridor for ages."

"Sorry have I kept you awake?"

"Not really just thought, you know, you might want to talk….or something."

"About what?" He folded his arms across his chest and leant against the wall opposite her.

"Oh I don't know, today….nearly dying?"

"Nope, not really."

"Then what's with all the pacing?" she asked wincing at her barely hidden tone of annoyance.

"Sorry having a bit of a sort out in the control room. I keep finding things that don't belong there. You teenage girls are really messy you know that? I'll stop and save it for another day."

"Teenage girls? I'm not a teenager, haven't been for a few years now."

"Ah, yes, sorry. Anyway, I'll find something else to do."

"Don't you ever sleep?"

"On occasion. Just not tonight."

"Oh okay, well do you want some company?" Martha reached behind her door to retrieve her dressing gown.

"No. I'm fine thank you," he told her brightly and internally wincing at how much he sounded like his previous self when he was being less than honest.

"Oh. Right, well, I'll just try and get some sleep then."

"Good, good. I'm sure the TARDIS will be happy to help. Pleasant dreams." With that he carried on down the corridor towards his room, hoping that would be the end of it.

Martha sighed. She'd hoped he would open up to her, telling her how he felt, more secrets that he hadn't shared with others but since he told her about his home he was even more guarded, never getting into personal details.

Flopping down on her bed she suddenly felt weary.

'I'm sure the TARDIS will be happy to help.' What did that mean?

She yawned as she crawled under the covers. One day she'd ask about the TARDIS, there were times when it really became creepy; it seemed to know just what she needed.

XxXxX

The Doctor walked over to the box he'd placed on his bed and peered inside as if he was expecting something to jump out. He smiled to himself as he pulled out a photo packet, wondering what delights it held.

He almost laughed out loud as he looked them over. His first Christmas with Rose. They all looked so silly with their Christmas hats all askew and Jackie had way more than one too many.

All four of them were all huddled in, trying to make sure that they all got in the photo. He remembered it seemed to take forever for the timer to go and take the photo but it had been worth it. It was a happy memory immortalised. The day Rose really got to know him.

He stuck the photo to his wall and picked up the rest of the box, ready to make one more trip for the evening was over for him.

Quietly slinking down the corridor, further away from Martha he entered another room. One he spent very little time in anymore for obvious reasons. She wasn't there.

He carefully set the box down on her bed and removed the knick knacks he'd founding various hiding places in the control room.

The last item was Rose's purple top. He remembered when she'd presented it to him, complaining of a hole in the side after their encounter with Cassandra and like a dutiful friend he'd fixed it for her, eventually. Unfortunately she'd never got to see the repair, things always got in the way and the top was soon forgotten. Until she'd gone.

He remembered the very day he found it and how his chest ached. The hurt wasn't so much now but it was still there and in a way that was good. It reminded him he was still alive.

Smiling he laid the top out on Rose's bed and left. If they ever did find each other again, maybe he'd remember to give it back to her.

XxXxX


	29. Human Nature/Family of Blood

Martha prepared herself for a melancholy Doctor.

The last few weeks had taken their toll on her, so he was bound to be feeling the effects.

He'd fallen in love and lost her. Martha had almost lost him and been stuck in the past.

In short the whole series of events had been pretty traumatic for the both of them and it had made Martha really stop and think.

If he had fallen for Joan, then maybe that meant Doctor was ready to move on from the infamous Rose.

What she found though as she entered the control room was completely unexpected.

XxXxX

"It's cold outside,

there's no kind of atmosphere.

I'm all alone, more or less.

Let me fly far away from here,

Fun, fun, fun,

in the sun, sun, sun.

I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose,

drinking fresh mango juice,

gold fish shoals nibbling at my toes.

Fun, fun, fun,

in the sun, sun, sun.

Fun, fun, fun,

In the sun, sun, sun.

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam

Booomm."

The Doctor chuckled to himself and shook his head as the TARDIS gave a whoosh to finish off his song.

He actually felt quite good today. He'd been working away for hours and felt like he'd done a good job.

The use of the chameleon circuit had taken its toll on the TARDIS' electrics. The poor girl was getting old and he was sure that having Jack Harkness under the panel so often hadn't helped. In fact, the more he thought about it the more convinced he was. She never used to spark or play up as much before he'd picked the Captain up.

At least Martha had no clue about the control panel and showed very little interest in finding out anything about it. Although he thought that was more to do with the fact that she was always watching him.

His mind drifted back to his time as John Smith and he began to wonder if things had gone differently if he'd been there with Rose. Would John have fallen for Joan or would he have been charmed by Rose?

His stomach tightened at the thought. What if he'd have kissed her as he had Joan? He knew now that Rose loved him but would he still have known what sort of love it was if they hadn't been separated? Would things have changed between them? Would he have let them? Would they have ruined their friendship?

Part of him was glad Rose hadn't been there. He would have hated himself if it had all gone wrong and Rose had left him because of it.

"You're happy this morning for someone who was in hiding in a pocket watch for weeks," Martha commented as she entered the control room. "Didn't know you liked Red Dwarf."

He looked up and smiled. "How can you not? It's a classic! Of course it's completely unrealistic but that's the whole of television. Shame there aren't more shows worth watching."

"So what else do you watch where you're not finding trouble?"

"Nothing really, I always find something that needs tending to," he grinned and turned back to the wires.

"So you're okay then?"

"'Course, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well I just thought after Joan and everything…." Her voice trailed off as his face grew slightly cold.

The Doctor knew Martha had felt hurt by John's affection for Joan and there was nothing he could do to make that better. She was his friend and nothing more.

"Martha, I couldn't control how John felt anymore than I can control my own heart. We're not the same person. He's in here somewhere but he's a completely different personality."

"He's not so different. Giving up what might make him happy to save everyone else. Don't you ever get tired of it?"

"Once or twice but it's not meant for me."

"What will be will be?" Martha asked incredulously.

"Right. If something is meant to be then it will find a way."

"Are you really trying to tell me you believe in fate? You're a scientist; doesn't that go against your whole….life?"

"Just because my people were based in science, doesn't mean that's all there is for me. Got to have a little faith in something Martha."

"So, you believe in blind faith?"

The Doctor paused for a moment. 'If I believe in one thing, just one thing… I believe in her.' "Why not, you humans have your fantasies; they're what make you human."

Martha frowned at him. "But that's so….so…."

"So what?" He looked round as her and quirked and eyebrow.

"I dunno, just weird, believing in something you can't prove."

"You don't believe in things you can't prove? God, the tooth fairy, Father Christmas."

"When I was a kid maybe, yeah."

"And you don't believe any more?" He leant back on the consol and folded his arms across his chest.

"I'm a little bit too old for the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny."

"You're never too old Martha. You just forget the little lies you believed as a child because as you get older they get masked by the bigger ones."

"The bigger ones?"

"Yup. As a wise man once pointed out; Justice, mercy and duty are all fantasies."

"What?! That's insane!"

"Is it?"

"Of course!"

"Why?"

"You're really trying to tell me that Justice doesn't really exist?"

"Not as a fact, no." He saw her get exasperated. "you know, for someone training to be a doctor you can be a little slow on the uptake Miss Jones. Think about it, justice is set down by peoples belief of what's right and wrong. There is no fact about it."

"Um, it's fact that there's law!"

"There are laws, yes, but who makes them? People. Men and women. But think about how they make their laws. They're made by peoples faith in right and wrong."

"So if I went out and murdered a whole bunch of people, would that be right or wrong?" Martha challenged.

The Doctor stalled for a moment thinking of his own actions in the past. "It would depend on the circumstances. Many people who have, believed they did it for the right reason."

"When is there ever a right reason?"

"Sometimes Martha, sometimes there is no other way out. Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture." His face had become hard again as he turned back to the control panel and Martha sat dumbstruck for a moment, worried that he was actually making sense.

"'You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?'" he said quietly. "Terry Pratchett, 'The Hogfather'. Incredibly intelligent man. Far too intelligent to be human. So what shall we do today Miss Jones?"

Yet again the Doctor had flicked his switch and gone from dark to light in seconds.

He looked at her and saw the uncertainty on her face. "The harder the struggle, the more alive you feel."

"Do you feel more alive for the struggle?"

"Sometimes."

"Only sometimes?"

"Can't always feel alive Martha; that would be exhausting."

"Even for you?"

"Especially for me. 900 years of life." He puffed out his cheeks. "That's a lot of lively feelings."

"Friends make it easier though right?"

"Yeah," he agreed quietly. "Yes they do."

XxXxX


	30. Blink

The Doctor heard the front door slam shut and he finally sat up on his bed.

They'd been stuck here for two weeks now and it was driving him stir crazy. At least they had separate bedrooms.

Martha had begun to fuss over him like a mother hen and it drove him mad. He knew she meant well, in fact apart from having to work in a shop to support him she seemed to be in her element, but carpets and walls weren't for him, neither was sharing such a small space.

Staying at Jackie Tyler's flat, on the rare occasion he was bullied into it, was bad enough but at least he felt safe from prying eyes or roving hands.

Martha however had become more touchy-feely than ever since they'd been stuck here. He hoped she wasn't getting any ideas, he really should put her straight, but what do you say in a situation like that? Would it make things more awkward?

As it was, he spent most of his time hiding in his bedroom trying to find a solution to their problem.

Being stuck in the 60's wouldn't be so bad if he at least had the sanctuary of the TARDIS to go to, even if she wasn't working. He missed his ship, his home. She was the one piece of Gallifrey he had left. He had happy memories in that big blue box but he knew if he couldn't stop the Angels then there would be nothing left, they would rip her apart, killing her.

Right now he could use Rose or Sarah-Jane, they always found the right words to encourage him or inspire him. He missed having friends around.

Martha was… he didn't really know what Martha was. Sarah-Jane had been a good friend to him and Rose…. well Rose had done more for him than anyone else in his 900 years and he'd loved her, he still did if he was honest with himself but she'd also been his best friend. She'd never demanded anything of him, just honesty and trust, things any friend should expect.

He'd known she loved him long before she'd finally said it but it hadn't bothered him, because it hadn't changed her motives, it hadn't clouded her.

Martha on the other hand was a different story.

Flirting with Rose had been playful, gentle. When Martha flirted it was pretty full on and the Doctor never felt like he wanted to join in incase she took it to mean something. That was the thing with Martha; she was always looking for something in him that he couldn't give. She was a lovely girl and he enjoyed her company, he just wished her crush would go away, then life would be so much easier.

XxXxX

"Honey, I'm hooommmme!" Martha called.

The Doctor winced. He wished she wouldn't say that. He knew she was only joking but it made him feel….uncomfortable to say the least.

"So, what have you been up to today?" She appeared at his bedroom door.

"Well I went to see Billy and he knows what he has to do. Now it's our turn."

"Our turn?"

"Time to go back to the house."

"You are kidding?!"

"Nope." He popped the 'p' as he slid his coat on. "Come on; lot's of things to do. First; time to give Sally Sparrow a helping hand." He picked up a purple see-through folder and waved it at her before rolling it up and stuffing it into his coat pocket.

"What's in that thing anyway?" Martha ran down the stairs to the street just to keep up with him.

"All the information we'll ever need. Well, most of it anyway."

"Aren't those Angels going to be there?"

"Hopefully they won't have got here yet but that's why I had to wait for you. I need you to watch my back, and my front, well all of me really, to make sure they don't creep up when I'm not looking."

"Would they do it again though?"

"Not normally but then again, I'm not a normal victim!"

"You can say that again," she muttered.

XxXxX

Martha shuddered as she stepped through the front door. "So what are we going to do? Write a letter and hope she finds it?"

"No, bits of paper are far too easy to lose. Time for a bit of decorating."

"What?"

"Grab that will you?" He nodded to a tin as he grabbed a stepladder.

"Care to explain?" Martha huffed as she followed him into the main room.

"You'll see." Setting his load in the floor, he dug around in his pocket and pulled out a paint brush before prying the lid off the tin.

"Right then, let's see." Loading the brush with paint, the Doctor climbed the stepladder and held it to the wall.

"You can't do that!"

"Why not? No one's going to live here between now and then. No one's going to care. Besides, do you want to be stuck here forever?"

"No."

"Well then. I've always wanted to do a bit of graffiti." He smiled and began painting.

"'Beware the Weeping Angels. Oh, and duck! No really, duck! Sally Sparrow. Duck, now.'" Martha read. "Duck? Duck for what?"

"No idea. But that's what she said it says. See?" He pulled a photo out of his pocket and showed her the wall. "Who am I to argue with the future?"

"Usually, the first in line," Martha smiled and the Doctor froze, his face losing all amusement.

"What made you say that?" he asked.

"Dunno, just an obvious comment. Why?"

"Doesn't matter." He shook his head, clearing Rose's voice from long ago, back when he was a different man. Not now, he mentally chided himself, now's not the time to be getting lost in his thoughts. "Well. That's all we can do here for now. Have to wait until that dries before we can paper over it. I'll come back at do it tomorrow while you're at work."

"You going to be alright on your own?"

"'Course, there aren't any Angels. Not even in the garden so they haven't arrived yet. Perfect."

"Okay so what's next?"

"This." He held up some sheets of paper. "A recorded message for Sally Sparrow and only for Sally Sparrow. I've given the list of DVD's to Billy ready for when they finally come out. All I've got to do is record it."

"On what?"

"What do you think I've been doing with my time? I've been modifying a video recorder. Come on, back ho… Let's get back."

"Do you ever stop moving?"

"Nope. Stop moving and you get caught."

"By what?"

"Whatever's trying to catch you." He looked at her for a moment too long then turned and swept out of the door.

XxXxX

He sat down on a chair and pulled out his glasses.

"Yup, that's me," he said straight to the camera.

"What?" Martha asked.

The Doctor sighed and got up switching the camera off. "I'm going to be talking to this camera for a while, and none of it is going to make much sense to you right now, but please, just stay off screen and be quiet." He switched the camera back on and repeated his actions.

"Yup, that's me…. Yes, I do…. Yup. And this….. Are you gonna read out the whole thing?... I'm a time traveler. Or I was. I'm stuck in 1969."

Martha jumped in. "We're stuck. All of time and space he promised me. Now I've got a job in a shop. I've gotta support him!"

"Martha!" the Doctor moaned.

"Sorry," she muttered looking at him sheepishly and skulking out of shot.

He sighed and waited a few seconds. "Quite possibly…..Afraid so….38….People don't understand time. It's not what you think it is….complicated….very complicated… People assume that time is a strict progression from cause to effect, but actually, non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."

Martha had to stifle a giggle as a look of confusion crossed his face. That was the Doctor, so clever he even confused himself sometimes.

"It got away from me, yeah…" he continued reading his side of the script. It was a very surreal experience even for Martha. She was used to him talking to himself but that was a whole new level of strangeness.

"Well I can hear you….Well, not hear you, exactly, but I know everything you're gonna say….Look to your left…..I've got a copy of the finished transcript, it's on my Autocue…..I told you, I'm a time traveller. I got it in the future. Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey…."

Martha almost laughed out loud then. It sounded like such a silly sentence coming from someone like the Doctor, someone so scientific. It was such a… un-scientific, childish phrase.

"What matters is that we can communicate. We've got big problems now. They have taken the blue box, haven't they? The Angels have the phone box? ….. Creatures from another world…..Only when you see them. The Lonely Assassins, they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from, but they're as old as the universe, or very nearly. They've survived this long because they have the most perfect defence system ever evolved. They are quantum locked. They don't exist when they are being observed…."

Martha tuned out at this point; she'd heard it all before. It was one of the first things he told her when they ended up in 1969. That and how stupid he was not to recognize them. He'd beat himself up for hours over that, getting them stuck there, although Martha suspected that he was more worried about the TARDIS than getting her home. He was a bit lost without his ship. More than once she'd found herself wondering how things would have been if he'd been stuck here with Rose instead. Would he have made more of an effort to make the best of it or would he be sulking around and hiding as much as he was now. She had a sneaking suspicion he would be making more of an effort and that hurt a bit. She knew he didn't feel the same way she felt but she had hoped over time that may have changed, but he seemed just as far away as ever. He never flirted, not even as a joke and it made things a little awkward at times, especially when he was the only person she could really talk to. They'd made an agreement not to get too involved in their surroundings while there was still a hope of getting home.

"And you can't kill a stone…Course, a stone can't kill you, either, but then you turn your head away. Then you blink. And oh yes it can."

Martha gave an involuntary shudder as his tone changed.

"That's why they cover their eyes. They're not weeping they can't risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. Loneliest creatures in the universe."

Martha heard the wistful sound in his voice and knew he wasn't just talking about the Angels. Even with her there, even when she was around he still felt lonely and that hurt her. She didn't want him to feel that way, she hated that he thought he was completely alone in the universe.

"Well, I'm sorry. I am very, very sorry. It's up to you now. The blue box. It's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever, but the damage they could do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me…And that's it, I'm afraid. There's no more from you on the transcript, that's the last I've got. I don't know what stopped you talking but I can guess. They're coming. The Angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away and don't blink. Good luck."

The urgency in his voice gave Martha goosebumps. After a few seconds she switched off the camera.

"That it?" she asked.

"Yup. That's it." He picked up the transcript and slipped it back into the plastic folder. "Get this video to Billy then all we can do it wait."

"Do you think it will work?"

"It has to," he told her. "If it doesn't they'll win and that could be the end of everything. I need my ship back."

The last sentence caught in his throat. He didn't want to be stuck here. He wasn't sure why this time was different than Krop Tor, it just was.

Back then he was more worried about Rose than himself. Getting her trapped away from her family on a strange planet that could fall into a black hole at any moment.

Maybe that was it; there wasn't any immediate danger to them. The Angel's didn't have the TARDIS key and wouldn't be able to get in without it for years. He didn't like to think it was because the company was different, that wasn't fair on Martha. Although, if he were honest, Rose would have made some joke about him being rubbish and say the right thing. Martha was still at the stage where every now and then she would panic about her family and job.

But this time was different; he knew he was going to get home. He just had to be patient.

Unfortunately for the Doctor, that was not one of his strong points.

XxXxX


	31. Utopia/Sound of Drums

Jack watched Martha disappear out into the dark as the Doctor lit a fire with his Sonic Screwdriver.

The Time Lord sat heavily on a chair. Crossing his ankles and folding his arms across his chest, he stared at the laptop monitor, not really seeing anything.

"What happened to her, Doctor?"

"Who?"

"Rose. You said she was trapped in a parallel universe but you didn't say how she got there. Records are a bit hazy on Canary Wharf. One of my team was there but he doesn't remember much."

The Doctor rubbed his eyes. "We opened the void, sucking the Cybers and the Daleks back into nothingness. But we'd been through the void; we ended up on a parallel world by accident so we were covered in the void stuff too. We were holding on to these clamps, watching the Daleks and Cybers whiz past but something went wrong. Rose reached for one of the leavers to set it back upright but she lost her grip. I watched her get sucked towards the void and I... I don't know how but Pete came back from the other universe and caught her before she fell through. He took her to the other side with the rest of her family. We won…. but I lost Rose."

Jack sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "And you can't bring her back?"

"Nope."

"Not even travel back to save her yourself?"

The Doctor looked up at him and frowned. "Never interfere with established time lines, Captain, you know that."

"But it's Rose."

"I know."

"You don't even know if she made it to the other side."

"I saw her, just for a moment, before everything sealed off. She's with her mum and Mickey. She's even got her dad. She's better off there."

"Bet she doesn't think so."

"Maybe," the Doctor sighed.

"What?" Jack narrowed his eyes as the Doctor turned back to look at the monitor.

"What?"

"You had that tone. The one that means there's more. I can tell, even in this body."

The Doctor chuckled in spite of himself. "You are infuriating sometimes, you know that, Harkness?"

"So, what am I missing?" Jack moved to sit closer to the Time Lord.

"Before I opened the void I sent her away, with her mum, to the other universe."

"Why?"

"I wasn't sure we'd survive and I wanted her safe."

Jack nodded.

"She came back. She chose to stay with me instead of be with her family. It was an either/or decision and she chose to come back. No one's ever chosen to be with me over their own family. Never. She knew she would never see them again and she still came back for me."

The Time Agent smiled. "Never could compete with you when it came to Rose, even with those big ears and nose." There was a heavy pause before Jack spoke again. "What do you think she's doing now?"

"Living her life I hope."

"Without you?"

"Of course. It seems too many people waste their lives waiting for me to come back. This time I really can't get to her, no matter how much I might… Last I heard she was working at Torchwood in her universe, saving them from themselves." A proud smile split his face and his eyes sparkled as his focus drifted off into a fantasy of what Rose was doing right now. Chasing an alien maybe or examining some alien artifact.

"Do you miss her?" Jack asked.

The Doctor looked back at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Okay dumb question…..How much?"

"She was my best friend, Jack."

"Is that all?"

"That's all it could ever have been."

Jack smiled knowingly and the Doctor chuckled, shaking his head. "So you never told her?"

"Nearly, I almost got the words out but time wasn't on my side."

"Meaning?"

"Time ran out and the connection severed." The Doctor pushed his glasses up onto his head and rubbed his tired eyes.

"The Lord of Time runs out of it. Wow, that's some wicked irony." Jack saw the hurt on the Time Lord's face and placed his hand on the Doctor's shoulder. "Rose was a smart girl. If you looked at her the way you do when you talk about her, she knew."

The Doctor frowned at him.

"Any one you talk to about her can see it, your whole face softens, you get a twinkle in your eye," Jack winked. "And your voice gets all sexy and husky."

He ignored Jack's last comment. "You're the first person I've ever really spoken about her to."

"Martha seems to know about her."

"She just knows Rose was here before her."

"So why me?"

"You knew her, she affected your life," he shrugged.

"Admit it, you like me."

"You give me the creeps," the Doctor contested.

"So says the man who can change his face and lives in a box."

The pair chuckled.

"Hurst doesn't it?" Jack continued "Missing someone."

"I miss plenty of people. Goes with the territory of having no home and living for 900 years."

"This is me. You don't need to pretend. She was a force of nature. I saw how much you lo…cared about her." He changed his sentence as the Doctor narrowed his eyes at him. "Look you can not say the word for as long as you like, but we both know it's true. You did her and she did you."

"I know, she told me."

"When?"

"The last time we spoke, when we were saying goodbye."

"And you went to say it back and…"

The Doctor nodded.

"Ouch. I'm sorry."

"You said."

"But I am. So…. It really hurts then."

"Do we have to keep talking about this?"

"No…. Look, Doctor, I know we've had our differences and you did abandon me but you're the only person who understands me. If I really can't die, I might need your shoulder to cry on in a few centuries time and I loved Rose too. Not in the same way but…we shared lots of adventures together. So, I'm not far away, you know, when you miss her too much."

The Doctor nodded. "Nearly all the time and it still feels like cut glass, when I'm reminded."

"I'm not going far Doc."

"It's Torchwood's fault, Jack."

Jack winced; he still hadn't found the right moment to tell the Doctor about that part of his life yet. "How so?"

"If they had listened to me Rose and her mum would still be here. All those people wouldn't have died."  
"How long has it been since we last saw each other?" Jack moved the subject to slightly safer ground.

"Since I ran away from you? About two years I supposes, give or take a bit. No where near as long as it has been for you."

"What's a couple of centuries between friends? I've been waiting for you to come back here."

"I'm sorry, Jack."

"I know. You had other things going on. Only two years huh? Lucky you."

"Mmm." The Doctor nodded but he looked anything but lucky. He looked old around the eyes, like all 900 years of his life were on show.

"You need to sleep more," Jack told him.

"Sleep is a dangerous thing, Jack."

"Afraid to switch your brain off?"

"My brain never switches off, that's the problem. When you sleep you have no control over what you think about."

"And when you're awake you do?"

"To an extent."

"What do you think about when you're asleep?"

"Oh, everything," he sighed. "The turn of the universe, stars dying and being born. I feel all of it."

"Monsters?"

"Those too. Creatures that would give even your wildest nightmares a run for their money. And every person I've ever met."

"That's a lot of thinking."

"Hence the no sleeping. It's easier not to." The Doctor turned his attention back to the laptop and began typing, a clear indication that the conversation had run its course.

Jack stood and stretched. A sound from the front of the warehouse caught his attention.

Martha appeared, hurrying towards them, plastic bag in hand.

"How was it?" the former Time Agent asked.

"I don't think anyone saw me. Anything new?"

"I got this tuned into the government wavelength," he told her tapping his wrist computer as she handed him his fish and chips, "so we can follow what Saxon's doing."

"Yeah, I meant about my family," she snapped.

Jack raised his eyebrows as she stalked over to the Doctor.

"Still says the Jones family taken in for questioning. Tell you what though, no mention of Leo."

"He's not as daft as he looks. I'm talking about my brother on the run. How did this happen?!"

"Nice Chips," Jack commented, sitting himself in a seat.

"Actually, they're not bad," the Time Lord agreed.

Martha perched on a barrel and looked at them as if they were completely mad before catching Jack's eye.

"So Doctor, who is he?"

As they listened their imaginations took them away to the most beautiful place, warm and shining, they were entranced by the Doctor and he seemed to be getting lost in his own world, savouring some of it, wanting to shake off others.

Jack remembered hearing stories of Gallifrey when he was a boy, it had always been nothing more than a fairy story, a legend but here was a Time Lord, the last of the Time Lords sat eating fish and chips with him while his world fell apart again. The stuff of legends and Jack was proud to call him a friend, no matter what had happened in the past.

The moment was broken was Jack's wrist com bleeped.

"Um, since we're telling stories, um, there's something I haven't told you….."

XxXxX


	32. Last of the Time Lords

"So Rose is really gone. Man that feels weird to say. You without Rose." Jack shook his head. "It's like you without the TARDIS or your sonic screwdriver."

"Jack, I was around long before Rose."

"Okay so it's weird for me to think of you without her. You were a team, the TARDIS Two! Until I came along, then it was the TARDIS Trio."

The Doctor offered a weak smile as they continued to stroll down the TARDIS corridors.

"So, you've travelled with lots of people then?"

"Yep."

"So what made Rose so special?"

"She pulled me out of the dark."

Jack frowned at him.

"When I met her, the Time War had ended, I was on my own, the last and I didn't deserve to still be here. I drifted from place to place, fixing things as I found them, causing trouble too. But there was no life in it, I was just floating. Then, there she was. She took my hand and ran; no screaming, no awkward questions. She was just there and soon I found I'd begun to care about things again, I felt alive. She saved me, Jack. Rose never pushed me when I wanted to keep things to myself. She was just there for me."

"Rose always could read you pretty well. Martha's not so good at it though?"

"She's a great girl."

"She fancies you."

"I know," the Doctor sighed.

"Not what you want?"

"I just want a friend."

"Martha is never going to be just a friend while she has the hots for you. She's always going to want more and she's only going to get hurt."

"I can't make that decision for her, Jack. She needs to work that out on her own. You could stay though. Your room is still where you left it."

Jack looked at him in shock. "You don't want me hanging around, cramping your style."

"Afraid you won't be the most desirable man on the ship?" the Doctor chuckled.

"Yeah, that's definitely it!" Jack laughed. "Thanks for the offer Doc, but you'd hate having me here."

"No I wouldn't. I haven't been fair to you in the past and running away from you was a cowardly thing to do and I am sorry. But you're a friend, and friends are always welcome."

"Thanks, Doc. But I've got my own life right now. In the future, maybe, who knows? I got plenty of years ahead of me."

"Come on then, let's get you back to boring old Cardiff."

"You haven't spent any time in Cardiff lately, have ya Doc?" Jack clapped the Time Lord on the back as they made their way back to the control room.

XxXxX

Martha watched him bounce around the control panel as the TARDIS sprang to life.

There was so much about him that she didn't know and she was sure she never would.

Sometimes when she looked at him she saw a kid a Christmas- his eyes sparkling with excitement and it almost hid the sadness behind; the obvious sign that something was missing and that he mourned that loss. Sometimes it was obvious what was missing, or rather who but other times Martha found herself wondering.

He'd spoken of Rose a few times but never in great detail and little more than her name. She thought he might say more as time went on but just when he looked like he might, he'd catch himself and change the subject, distracting them both from the mention and memory of her.

Martha knew little about the girl other than they travelled together and now she was gone. She'd known neither how nor when up until now- she only knew that it wasn't his choice and that it hurt him.

"Did you love her?" she asked before she knew what she was saying. It was a thought, a wondering, she hadn't intended on saying it aloud.

The Doctor's hand froze as his gaze snapped up to look at her. She'd caught him so unaware that he didn't have time to pretend that he hadn't heard or put up his usually steely barriers.

"What?" His voice was so small that Martha almost didn't ask again.

"Rose, did you love her?"

He looked back down at the monitor and clenched his jaw a few times.

"Of course, she was my best friend," he said finally.

"That's not what I meant," Martha told him.

"She was my best friend," he repeated more firmly, not trusting himself to say anything else or look up at her.

"Did she love you?"

"Yes." His tone was short and clipped, telling Martha that his defenses were well and truly recovered and in place.

Sighing softly she excused herself knowing what she had to do.

Martha never thought she'd be the one to make the decision. She'd always thought deep down one day he would just drop her off home and never come back. But things were different now.

Before he sent her on her journey all those months ago she'd heard him talk about the infamous Rose Tyler to Jack and in those few short sentences she'd realized just how deep the hurt went. And despite what he'd just said, Martha knew that Rose was more than just his 'Best Friend'; she had touched him in a way that had burned into his soul and there was no way Martha could compete with that. She would always be second best to the shadow that loomed in his mind.

It wasn't his fault. He'd lost everything that had ever meant anything to him. He'd lost his home and family and friends in a war that up until now he thought he was the only survivor of.

Earlier today she'd seen the hope in his eyes, the hope that he could save the Master from himself, hope that he wouldn't be alone anymore but the Master refused to repent and regenerate; leaving the Doctor once more alone in the universe. No matter how many people he surrounded himself with, he would never be able to fill that hole.

She walked down the corridors of the TARDIS, one last look before she left him. She could feel the lump in her throat and the guilt of leaving him but she had to go. Her family needed her and she had nothing to stay for. Unlike Rose, the Doctor didn't return Martha's affections.

It made her wonder; did Rose ever know how he felt? He said so little about himself was he like that with Rose? The Doctor she knew would never have told her, of that she was sure but she hoped Rose would have known somehow. Dying without knowing is one thing; living without ever knowing would be so very much worse.

She hadn't missed a second of the Doctor's conversation with Jack that planet. She'd heard the thickness in his voice when he'd said how he's lost her, that he could never get her back. And at that point, at the end of the universe, Martha realized she really was competing with the impossible.

But Martha Jones was far from useless; she'd helped the Doctor and Jack save the world from the Master, she'd faced down Daleks and witches, Pigmen and Space Rhinos, Plasmavores and raving loony Scientists. Oh no, Martha was by no means useless.

It hadn't been an easy decision; she'd thought about it the whole year she'd been spreading the word. Today was just the grand finale. They'd reversed everything for the world, all except those nearest to the Doctor.

Her family remembered, Jack remembered and the Doctor did. How many other things did these two remember that the universe was oblivious to?

For a few brief moments the whole world knew who the Doctor was and what he'd done for them but then, just like hitting erase, it was all gone from their minds. He was once more their unknown savior, the man no one would ever notice.

He said that's the way it should be and he was happy with that but Martha would never forget what he'd done and she would make damn sure her family all remembered who they owed their lives to so many times over.

The Doctor was the most remarkable being in the universe. That was one thing

Martha was sure of about him and as she went back to see her family, she knew the next time she set foot on this ship it would be to say goodbye, not for good but for now.

She felt certain their paths would cross again whether she contacted him or not, but saying goodbye now was the right thing to do. She just hoped one day he would be able to say his goodbyes to the ghosts that plagued him; that he could forgive himself and one day let someone in.

XxXxX


	33. Voyage of the Damned

was her smile that caught his attention first. So open and friendly, she was pretty too. Quick witted and a bit of a dreamer. She'd reminded him of Rose a bit, but then Christmas in general reminded him of her.

He thought he'd lost her one Christmas but she'd surprised him and taken his hand with a smile. But, too soon after, she was really gone.

This time he'd lost someone who could have come close to making things right again.

Astrid was fun, full of life, a bit of a kindred spirit. She'd been so excited when he'd taken her to earth. He missed that excitement. He missed seeing the joyous smile on someone's face at seeing something new.

Just once he'd like to be able to do it without ruining someone's life; Rose was in the wrong universe because of him. Martha's family had seen the most terrible things, things that would haunt them for the rest of their lives, and now Astrid had lost her life, to name but a few.

He'd always said the curse of the Time Lords was outliving those you loved; when in truth his curse was far worse. He didn't just lose people, he cost them their lives. Everything they thought they knew about him was wrong. Bad luck didn't cover it. Trouble following him around didn't come close. He wasn't cursed. He was the curse.

Rose once said "everything comes to dust" and when he was around that was never truer.

He tried to do the right thing but somehow it always went wrong somewhere. He always lost someone.

When Astrid had looked at him before she fell it was a look he'd seen before on people he loved. It was the one that said goodbye and watching her fall away from him, completely helpless to save her, brought back echoes of times past.

Maybe he was meant to be on his own. Things are less complicated on your own, no one's feelings to hurt, no awkwardness.

So here he was, alone on his ship. It was almost silent apart from the gentle hum of the engines, and so empty it seemed cavernous. Sometimes bigger on the inside wasn't such a wonderful thing. Sometimes it made him feel so small and lonelier than ever.

But on a plus side, here he was; floating around in space with no real destination, no one to make a decision with, and no one to worry about. No one to laugh with, no one to enjoy travelling with. No friend to make him feel just that little bit less lonely.

Yes, he was definitely better on his own, that's what he'd keep telling himself. Things were safer when he was on his own.

XxXxX


	34. Partners in Crime

She knew he'd been here. He was still going, saving the world, her world. Her real home. She just wished she could see him. She'd stayed away from him until now, knowing she would have to wait until the time was right, until he needed her to save his life. But it didn't make it any easier. She still loved him, she still wanted to run into the TARDIS and spring into his arms the way she always used to, but she knew he would be hurt. She couldn't stay here, no matter how much she wanted to.

Behind her she heard a woman talking loudly on her mobile.

"I gotta go. Really gotta go, bye…..Listen."

The red-head approached her.

"There's this woman who's gonna come along, a tall blond woman called Sylvia. Tell her, that bin there. Alright it'll make sense, that bin there." And with that she ran off.

Rose sighed and took one last look around, fighting back the ache in her chest. Stepping back from the railings she began to walk away, fading into nothing, as if she was never there.

If she had stayed just a few seconds more, she would have heard the most beautiful sound she had ever known. The sound of the universe, the sound she once home.

XxXxX

She stopped at a door and turned the handle. As the door swung open she dropped her bag and stepped inside.

It was definitely a girl's room. As she looked around she spotted a familiar purple top laid out on the bed.

It was Rose's room. He'd kept her room and Donna wondered why. Maybe it was in case she ever did find her way home or maybe it was because he couldn't deal with it.

When she'd asked about Rose she hadn't missed the look in his eyes when he looked at her and told her she was still lost. He still missed her, it still hurt that she wasn't there and it made Donna ache for him. Not because she wanted him for herself but because she could see how empty he felt.

Checking out in the corridor for any sign of the alien, she stepped further into the room and began to wander round.

"You know, when checking a corridor, it's a good idea to look in both directions," the Doctor told her, leaning against the doorway.

"I was just…"

"Being nosey?"

"Not my fault. It was unlocked and you said to find somewhere to put my stuff."

"Yeah, well not in here."

"As if! You really think I'd do that?" She looked at him. "This is Rose's room."

"Was," he corrected.

"Well, all her stuff's still here so I'm going with 'is' Rose's room."

He smirked.

"Not ready to let it go?"

"No need. Not like I need the room."

"I suppose not. She liked you," Donna said, nodding at the dressing table. The mirror was almost completely covered with pictures of him. "Not fond of the camera herself?"

"No, not really." He stepped up beside her, hands stuffed in his pockets. "I'm not either come to that."

"That'll be why you're never looking or trying to hide." Donna smiled at him.

"Didn't know she was taking half of them. You humans and your need to document everything."

"You love it."

"Yeah, yeah I suppose so. It's one thing in your favour, I'll give you that."

"Oh very gracious!"

The Doctor grinned widely. "Come on you; let's find you your own room."

"Doctor?"

He stopped picking up the bag she dropped and turned back to face her.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Letting me come. Letting me see Gramps."

"Well, it is such an inconvenience, I just don't know where I'm going to put you." He rolled his eyes and smirked. "Come on trouble."

"Trouble? Me? Have you seen yourself?!" she said following him.

"I tend to avoid mirrors."  
"Why, worried you won't be as attractive as you think? I told ya, that Martha was mad. And blind"

"No, just reminds me I'm not ginger," he told her in all seriousness before turning away and allowing himself another smirk.

Oh yes, having Donna on board could be great fun. True she possessed the ability to drive him mad, if their first encounter was anything to go by but she was also a lot of fun, something that had been missing from the TARDIS for a very long time.

And something that was most welcome.

XxXxX


	35. Fires of Pompeii

"You know something? I think Rose would like you."

"Why'd you say that?" Donna frowned at him.

"You tell me off, tell me when you think I'm wrong."

"She do it a lot, did she?"

"At first. Didn't need to after a while."

"Cause she always stopped you?"

"Don't think I really needed it all that often."

"So going too far is a recent thing then?"

He looked away from her and back at the control panel, looking for something to fiddle with. "Thank you," he said finally.

"What for?" Donna frowned.

"Making me go back."

"You wanted to, just needed a nudge in the right direction." She offered him a small smile when his eyes flicked up to look at her.

"Yeah, maybe."

"And for what it's worth, I think she'd be proud." Donna looked at him meaningfully.

"No she wouldn't. She'd have slapped me 'til my teeth came loose."

Donna couldn't help but laugh. "I think you're right. I think we'd get on."

"Just as well you'll never meet then. Go on; get that ash out of your hair."

She knew she was being dismissed but she wasn't going to take offence, she'd seen how much this adventure had ripped him apart, despite how much she had yelled at him. "Right, yeah. And back into normal clothes!"

"Oh I dunno, it quite suits you."

"Careful, that was almost a compliment."

"I don't do compliments….Well not often. They usually get me into trouble."

"I'm not even going to ask!" Donna held up her hand and walked wearily out into the corridor, leaving the Doctor alone.

He sighed and sat heavily on the jump seat.

Today he'd killed 20,000 people to save the future of millions more, but he didn't feel any better. Like the destruction of Gallifrey, he knew this event would never sit right with him. Knowing that he was the cause of one of the biggest tragedies in history was something he would never be able to ignore. Another shadow over his head, another guilt to add to the ever growing list.

Donna was right when she said it wasn't fair, but then there was nothing fair about the universe, she would soon find that out for herself.

In the mean time though, he was glad she was here. She was turning out to be exactly what he needed.

There was no jealousy when other friends were mentioned, only friendship.

Yes, Donna Noble was different, she was a breath of fresh air. That morning when they'd arrived in Pompeii he'd felt like his old self, he felt like bouncing on his feet with excitement, a grin plastered on his face. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt like that.

Life was looking up, he finally had a friend.

There was just one question that bothered him; that he couldn't fathom an answer for.

'She is returning'.

Who? Who was returning? The Doctor hoped he'd be able to find out soon so he could face whoever she was head on. He was not ready for another attempt to take over the world.

XxXxX

Donna sat in front of her mirror, brushing her hair out. She felt a tear roll down her face. She could still hear the screaming of the city, all those people dying and there was nothing she could do.

She'd seen the despair on his face as he explained his life to her, the way he saw the universe and how it worked. She'd yelled at him, telling him what he was doing was wrong even though she could see the logic in what he was saying.

If he changed history then it would change everything that came after, that much was obvious, but at the time all she could think was that he was going to let all these people die. And then to make matters worse it was up to the Doctor to make it happen. He had to choose between 20,000 people of the entire world. It wasn't even really a decision by that point but she could see him struggling with it as much as she was. The Doctor wasn't happy about anything he'd done; none of this was about his anger this time, not like the Racnoss.

Donna wiped the tears from her face and looked up to see the Doctor reflected in the mirror, hovering in the doorway.

"You alright?" he asked, not really looking at her.

She turned on her seat to look at him. "Yeah, you?"

He took a deep breath and nodded.

"Can I ask? Why weren't you going to save anyone?"

The Doctor leant against the doorjamb, his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets. "I wanted to run away. I'd made the choice; I had to live with it. I'd done enough damage." He shrugged.

"What made you change your mind? Me yelling?"

"No," he almost chuckled. "No, not you yelling at me. It was the look in your eyes. I could see everyone I've ever known or loved. My planet, my family, my friends. I saw everyone I've ever lost along the way. Those I couldn't save; those who died to save me or because of me. 900 years worth of loss I saw in your eyes in that moment and I knew they'd all be ashamed of me. I've….I've lost a part of me, it seems to go walkabouts when I'm not looking and the line disappears from sight."

"Just as well you've got me then."

"Yeah. Thank you Donna."

"All I did was shout at you."

He shook his head. "No you didn't. You were willing to die in that volcano. No screaming, no hysterics. You said that we didn't matter. And that was amazing. I don't know I could have carried it through without you."

"Yes you would. You had to. You're the Doctor; it's what you do, no matter how much it hurts. I get that."

"The bigger picture."

"Right. The bigger picture. Makes sense."

"There are going to be times when you don't like what I have to do, Donna, but I need you to understand, there are certain rules I have to follow to keep the universe turning. If I change the past then I could create a paradox that could destroy everything. That's why I have to keep things in the past as they are and I'm the only one who can."

"Is that what your people did?"

"Pretty much. They sat up there watching down on everything, controlling time travel, making sure everything stayed as it should. Now all that's left is me, I have to do it on my own."

"No you don't. 'Cause I'm going to help you. It's my universe too."

The Doctor smiled at her. "You know what, Donna. I have a feeling you're going to keep surprising me."

"I like to keep people on their toes. Besides, I get the feeling you don't like it when things are predictable."

"You've been paying attention," he chuckled.

"So where are we off to tomorrow?"

"No idea!" the Doctor grinned widely. "Night Donna."

"Night Doctor." She watched him leave and turned back to the mirror. She liked to see him smile, there was a sparkle of wildness when he grinned that was contagious. In fact everything about him was contagious.

When she'd first met him, the sadness in his eyes was heartbreaking and it hadn't got any better, but it seemed less often. Like he said, he needed a mate, a friend, someone to share things with that didn't expect anything from him.

Donna didn't know when she'd become that sort of person, but she suspected it had started sometime after she'd appeared on the TARDIS.

XxXxX


	36. Planet of the Ood

"So there are lots of different songs for different situations then?" Donna asked as she and the Doctor strolled down the corridor of the TARDIS.

"Yup, a song for every occasion. Weddings, bar mitzvahs, Christmas."

Donna snorted. "I meant; they have songs for different parts of their life, different emotions?"

"Everyone does in a way, even you. Just not everyone can hear them."

"But you can all the time, right?"

"Yup," he popped the 'p'.

"Doesn't that drive you mad?"

"Never known anything else. It's part of being a Time Lord."

"What did he mean when he said that your song must end soon? Which song?"

"Don't know," he shrugged.

"And you didn't want to ask?"

"I did, he said every song must end."

"That's not an answer though is it? He didn't mean you were going to die or anything?"

"Who knows? There are many different songs that make up a life Donna. Its like, when you pass someone in the street and the air they give off leaves you in no doubt how they're feeling. That's you hearing their song, you just don't realise it."

Donna nodded. "That's sort of mental. So what were you really doing last time you met the Ood?"

"We landed on this space station," he stopped and gazed at the ceiling as if trying to recall every detail. "Right on the edge of a black whole, the planet was just orbiting round it, which by the way is supposed to be impossible but there we were. As usual it all goes wrong and we lose the TARDIS into the planet during an earth tremor. So there we were, stuck in the middle of a nightmare, no way out and hundreds of years from Earth…."

"We?"

"Sorry?"

"You keep saying 'we'? Who's 'we'?"

His eyes dulled a little. "Rose. It was me and Rose."

"Oh. Right, hundreds of years from earth…" she prompted.

"Yes, no way home, no way to talk to her mum. I'd promised her mum I would always take her home and when I told her I couldn't keep that promise, do you know what she said? Everyone leaves home in the end. I think I was more worried than her for the most part. Anyway, turns out there's this creature buried in the centre of the planet, just dying to get free and he begins to control the Ood using the telepathic field. They went berserk, chased Rose and the others all round the base. I was pretty lucky, by this point I'd gone down into a hole that stopped at the centre of the planet. Then we were really in trouble. The lift cable snapped, I got stuck on the planet with one of the crew and lost contact with Rose and the others, and we were fast running out of air. I thought we'd had it. Anyway, long story short; I find this creature, who by the way really said he was the Devil, made sure he stays trapped on the planet only when I did that the planet lost orbit and started plummeting into the black hole. Found the TARDIS and saved everyone that could be saved. The Ood weren't among them. There wasn't enough time, even for a Time Lord."

"A Time Lord who runs out of time? That's ironic."

"Mmm, seems to happen quite a lot these days. That thing was right about something though, all the taunting about our fears. I told them just to ignore it but he said it would happen and it did."

"What did?"

"I'll never forget that for as long as I live. I didn't believe him; I told her he was just trying to scare her. He said she was 'the lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child, who will die in battle so very soon.'"

"But you said she wasn't dead."

"She isn't really. But officially, if you look for a record of her, she died in the battle at Canary Wharf, just a few weeks after."

"Then he was wrong."

"She isn't here though is she? To everyone but me she's dead. Everyone who knew her now thinks she and her mum were murdered with everyone else, so in a way, he was right. He said she'd die in battle and she did. But I couldn't save the Ood," he abruptly took the conversation back to its original point. "And I was so concerned about that black hole and my friend that I didn't even stop to wonder where they were from."

"Well, it kind of stands to reason if you've got the Devil living in the flat below."

The Doctor gave her a half smile and shrugged. "Maybe Sigma's right, maybe my song is about to end."

"So which song would you like to end?"

"Sorry?"

"Well if we all sing different songs for different things, which one would you like to end?"

"Every one of your songs is a part of you, why would you want any part of that to end?"

"Because it hurts? Because it makes us feel less than brilliant, like something is missing. Why would you want to hold on to that?"

"Because without those songs you might not be the person you are. You might become less than you should be."

Donna just smiled sadly. "Or maybe, just maybe, you don't really want it to end because you'd feel like you'd forgotten."

"Forgotten what?"

"What ever started the song in the first place. There's so much life in you. I look and you and I see so many things; a kid at Christmas, an excited scientist. Someone completely bonkers and giddy but do you know what I don't often see?"

The Doctor frowned. Donna was far smarter than he'd ever really thought to give her credit for, which was one of the reasons he liked her. She was so normal and so human.

"You being really happy. I don't think I've ever seen you happy for more than a few moments at a time. It's like you catch yourself being glad for something and you stop. I couldn't live like that."

"That's why you're human, Donna."

"And thank God for that! Being inside your brain would wear me out in ten seconds flat!" she exclaimed, giving him a nudge, lightening the mood that she realised she'd just created.

"Hmm, you inside my brain? That is a dangerous notion, and hopefully one that will never be put to the test!"

"I'm quite happy in mine thank you. Tell ya what; I could murder a cup of tea. Fancy it?"

"Nah, I'm alright thanks. Think I might check on how many more of those recall messages have been received."

"Suit yourself. I'm gona have a nice warm cuppa and explore a bit more."

The Doctor nodded. "Don't get lost!" he told her with a smile before returning the way they had come, back to the control room.

Donna sighed and rolled her eyes before heading to the kitchen. For a smart being, he really did like to play dumb.

XxXxX

Flopping down onto her bed, Donna looked over at her c.d collection.

"Life songs hmmm? What would I pick? God knows, too many songs out there. 'Lady in red' is the obvious but that's really a boring choice if you've got no one to dance with." She looked around her as she realised she was talking to herself aloud. "And I'm going as barmy as him!"

Sighing she moved over to her c.d's and began to scan the backs of them, looking for songs that might mean something to her.

One single she'd bought on a whim a long while ago now, she almost laughed at the thought. Someone her age going out and buying a single like that, then she read the lyrics on the inside sleeve.

She carefully put the disc into her player and hit play. It was such a sad song really but it had a hint of hope to it when she really listened. She must have been seriously depressed when she bought it.

'And maybe, I'll find out  
A way to make it back someday  
To watch you, to guide you  
Through the darkest of your days  
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all  
Then I hope there's someone out there  
Who can bring me back to you.'

Donna smiled to herself. She'd never met her and was never likely to, she didn't even know what she looked like but she could just imagine this as the Doctor and Rose's song. If life songs had lyrics, she would put this right up there in the possible 'perfect match' section.

'Run away with my heart  
Run away with my hope  
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how  
My life and love might still go on  
In your heart, in your mind  
I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go.'

Yup, that would definitely be the song she'd choose for them, well Rose anyway. She knew Rose was younger than her, she could tell that from the little he said about her. Maybe something a little more subdued for his side of the song, a little more mature?

She'd never really thought of herself as an old romantic but today she was feeling very soppy. She'd had her fair share of doomed relationships. Lance was a prime example. Granted not all of them were only marrying her to hand her over to an alien that he had a questionable relationship with, but they were all weird or just plain wrong in their own ways.

Moving along her shelf she looked for something that screamed 'Doctor'. She almost laughed out loud when she spotted it. Placing the next c.d into the player she knew just which track to pick.

It was such a short song but it was so simple in its content that Donna could just see him almost singing it quietly to himself while no one else was around.

'I am glad  
At least in my life  
I've found someone  
That may not be here forever  
To see me through  
But I found my strength in you  
'Cause in my mind  
You will stay here always  
In love, you and I  
You and I, you and I  
You and I  
In my mind  
We can conquer the world  
In love, you and I  
You and I, you and I'

The Doctor had loved this Rose, really loved her. Donna had figured that out on their first meeting, you'd have to be blind, deaf and a complete imbecile not to know the truth, even if he never admitted it. She just hoped one day he would realise he could still enjoy himself without feeling guilty. That smiling didn't mean forgetting.

Hitting eject on her player, Donna reached for something that would definitely make her smile.

'Do I attract you,

Do I repulse you with my queezy smile?

Am I to flirty, am I to dirty,

Do I like what you like?

I can be wholesome,

I can be loathsome,

Just I'm a little bit shy

Why don't you like me?

Why don't you like without out making me try?'

She danced around the room with pure abandon, rapidly cheering herself up as she went. She used to do it as a child and it still worked.

"Donna?" the Doctor's voice filtered through the music.

She stopped dead and looked round at him.

"I did knock, a few times," he barely hid his smile. "Having fun?"

"Upping my mood," Donna explained a little breathless, hitting pause on her c.d.

"Just wanted to make sure you realised not all songs have meaning."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Name one."

"Name one what?"

"A song that doesn't have any meaning."

"Oh, well…."

"You can't can you?" she smirked.

"Yes I can."

"Oh really?"

"Yup, 'Agadoo'."

"Sorry?"

"You know, 'Agadoo'. It gets played at children's parties. I mean why would you push a pineapple or shake a tree? Makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever."

Donna regarded him for a moment and wondered how he'd react if she told him that that song did, indeed have a meaning and it wasn't innocent. "Fine, I'll give you that one," she said finally, deciding to let him win.

The Doctor grinned as she pressed play.

'I can be brown,

I can be blue,

I can be violet sky,

I can be hurtful,

I can be purple,

I can be anything you like,

Gotta be green,

Gotta be mean,

Gotta be everything more,

Why don't you like me?

Why don't you like me?

Why don't you walk out the door?'

"So you gona dance with me?" Donna asked as the Doctor continued to hover in her doorway.

"Think I'll pass thanks, but you carry on."

"Then what you hovering there for?"

"Well I was going to ask if you wanted that cuppa."

"Already had one thanks."

"Oh, right, fair enough." His eyes slid to the right and he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets.

Donna smirked, waiting for him to scuff the carpet with the toe of his shoe like a child. "Come on. Tea I've already done but I'm sure there's something in that kitchen of yours that's more attractive."

"How about ice cream?"

"Oh, now you're talking! What are we waiting for? Lead on!" she took his arm and tugged him down the corridor, all the while singing along to the rest of the track before it ended.

XxXxX


	37. The Sontaran Stratagem/Poison Sky

"Mickey, enough. I have to try. They're running out of time and if we don't hurry he's going to die. Alone. No changing his face and body, no coming back. Dead, end of the road. Kicked the bucket." She shook her head. "I can't stop trying. Without him our old universe could be destroyed."

"Look, I get that you still care, that much is obvious, but it can't be that bad. I mean the end of the universe?"

"How many times has he saved us?"

Mickey shrugged.

"We would have died long ago if it wasn't for him and without him that universe doesn't stand a chance."

"Are we sure we're right about this? I mean we could have misread the situation."

"Micks, come on. You know this equipment better than anyone. We need to stop it before it all kicks off and for that we need Donna. If she's not with him he'll be killed. They'll win and it'll only be a matter of time before they punch through the void and come after our universe."

"We can cope with them, we know we can."

"But we owe it to the Doctor, our friends and families still in that universe to help stop them."

"Even if it means going there yourself? Are you ready to see him again?"

Rose looked at him and suddenly looked unsure. "I don't know. Who knows how long it's been for him. He might have forgotten all about me by now."

"Not likely! You two were….what were you in the end?"

"Friends."

"Nah. There was more to it, even if neither of you did anything about it. You loved him and I reckon the feeling was mutual. He wouldn't have forgotten you."

"You're forgetting Sarah-Jane."

"He didn't forget about her, he just didn't mention her. Slight difference. If I were him you'd be all I talk about. Rose, look, I never thought I'd admit this but- the time I spent with you two on the TARDIS. I know I'd been replaced long before, but while I was with you I realised I hadn't just been replaced, I'd been traded in for a flashier model and I saw the way he looked at you. He looked at you like his universe revolved around you most of the time. He won't have forgotten about you, Rose Tyler. And if he has I will jump over there and kick his alien butt like the rest of the trash we deal with, got it?!"

"Yes, Mr. Smith," Rose nodded and grinned. "I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes but if I had to get trapped anywhere, I'm glad it was with you."

"You and me go way back. You'll always be my best girl."

Rose threw her arms around her friend. "Thank you Micks, for everything."

"Come on, let's get this mission started. Just remember; we don't have the exact co-ordinates so it might take a while to find her."

An image began to fiz onto the screen.

"Does that look like the TARDIS to you?" he asked.

"Could be," Rose squinted at the image. "That's her! Donna! Donna! Donna!"

The screen went blank

"Lost the signal, it's not strong enough. Where ever he's parked, it's not on earth."

"Well he did have to burn up a sun to say goodbye. We don't have enough power to force through."

"I still can't believe he did that! I mean he was always so against destroying things- even spaceships trying to kill us, but he'll burn up a planet's sun just to say goodbye. And you reckon he might have forgotten you," Mickey shook his head. "We'll try again."

"No, there's no time. I'm going to have to go myself. Find the right point and stop it happening."

"Rose, what if you get stuck there?""

"I'll find a way back, Mickey."

"You sure that's what you want?"

Rose frowned at him. "You after my job? You make it sound as if you want me to stay there."

"We all know you're not happy. You're harder than you were and you're lonely. We all see it. You get more and more like the old version of the Doctor by the day and that's not you. You were the one with all the enthusiasm, the one who got a sparkle in her eye when trouble might be round the corner, the one who got excited at just the thought of finding something new out there. Where have you gone?"

"I'm still here. I just grew up."

"That's not growing up, Rose. I look at you and you look like our Rose but it's all missing behind the eyes. I love you; we all do but ….. it feels like you're slowly dying and we don't know how to help you. You keep pushing everyone away; pretty soon you're going to be really alone."

"You planning on walking out on me like the rest?"

"Your real dad died to save the world, you were there! In fact so were me and the Doctor. And the Doctor didn't walk out on you, he tried to keep you with him, he could have sent you away again but he didn't. Is that really what you think? No one's left you intentionally. Well, except when I came here but you didn't need me."

"Yes I did! You were my friend! One of the few people I trusted and you chose to stay here instead of be with me."

"I wasn't with you! You were with him. You never needed me Rose, I was the one who needed you, I relied on you, you gave me everything and looked after me. I didn't do anything you needed."

"You were there. After everything you were there, that was enough."

"Look, I'm never gona leave you again, I promise. It's you leaving us, that worries me. You're slipping away Rose, and I don't know how to bring you back."

"I'll be alright," she assured him.

Reluctantly Mickey nodded. He hoped she got to see the man who haunted her still, and he hoped she found some closure if she really was planning on coming back, Maybe saving him and seeing him would give her the lift she needed. If anyone could save her, the Doctor could.

XxXxX

"So that was Martha," Donna smiled as they entered the TARDIS.

"Yup."

"Looks like her crush on you has worn off."

"Uh-huh, good."

"Really? Not a teeny bit disappointed that she isn't still burning that torch?"

"Not in the least, it makes things far to complicated."

"Well, between you and me, she's still got a spark for you so you needn't feel completely unwanted."

The Doctor chuckled and shook his head. "Oh Donna. One day you'll learn."

"Learn what? That you're going to protect yourself from every girl that shows an interest? 'Cause you know, youth isn't eternal. You already look older than when we first met. Maybe you should start wearing night cream. You can borrow some of mine if you like." She laughed as he turned and scowled at her. "Ooo, hit a nerve?"

"Donna," he warned.

"Alright, alright, no need to get your pants in a bunch. So you met the Sontarans before then?"

"A long, long time ago. Lifetimes, literally."

"And you were really going to commit suicide alone to save the world?"

He looked at her briefly before he dropped his gaze to the control panel, setting the TARDIS into flight. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Donna watched him and saw something that looked like guilt flash across his face. "Recently?"

"Could say that."

"Are we going to play twenty questions or shall I just phone Martha and ask her?"

The Doctor's head snapped up. "How'd you know she was there?"

"I didn't, it was a lucky guess. It's either me, Martha or Rose. Other than that one time in Pompeii, it wasn't with me 'cause you wouldn't look like you feel guilty about it. Which leaves Rose or Martha. Well, can't see you ever doing that to Rose; leaving her behind. Stands to reason it must've been Martha." Her voice softened as she saw the sadness seep in. "What happened?"

"I was tired."

"Of what?"

"Everything," he snorted. "The universe's sick sense of humour, fighting, just tired. I lost Rose fighting the Daleks and I thought they were gone too but they weren't, they keep coming back. I lost Rose and we didn't even win the fight. They always win and I always lose. It was the last straw. I just didn't care anymore, I wanted them to stop killing people and they wanted to kill me so that was the deal; kill me and leave Earth alone. Problem was we were in 1920's New York and Martha was right behind me."

"She thought you were going to leave her behind."

"Yes. The thought never even crossed my mind. I didn't think about her. I just saw a way out and tried to take it."

"Sounds like you almost had a bit of a death wish there," Donna tried to make light of it but the look on his face told her she was spot on. "Oh."

"I've lost everything that's ever really mattered to the Daleks, my home, my family, my friends."

"Rose," she finished for him.

The Doctor shrugged not knowing what else to say.

"Sorry," Donna muttered. "I didn't realize. Still you're better now. Martha did you good; you're still alive and breathing."

The Doctor bobbed his eyebrows. "Right, time to move on, where to?" He pasted on his wild grin, wanting to change the mood.

"You're in charge," Donna sighed, taking the hint.

"Am I? Makes a change."

"Well, we could always go back and see my mother if you like," she suggested, barely containing her smile.

"Um, no thanks. I've had enough of mothers to last me another millennia."

"Better think of somewhere fun then!"

"Blimey, I have to do everything round here," he grumbled with mock exasperation.

XxXxX


	38. The Doctor's Daughter

"Right, time to move on, where to?" He pasted on his wild grin, wanting to change the mood.

"You're in charge," Donna sighed, taking the hint.

"Am I? Makes a change."

"Well, we could always go back and see my mother if you like," she suggested, barely containing her smile.

"Um, no thanks. I've had enough of mothers to last me another millennia."

"Better think of somewhere fun then!"

"Blimey, I have to do everything round here," he grumbled with mock exasperation.  
Donna didn't respond; she was watching him intently as he wandered around the control panel.

"What?" he asked, not looking up.

"You'd have been a good dad."

"Pfft, I was never there. Always off exploring or getting myself into trouble."

"And there was me thinking this was a recent development," Donna rolled her eyes.

"I was always in trouble. Got myself disowned by my parents, got banished from Gallifrey. I spent more time off my planet than on it. I was always a bit…."

"Prone to wanderlust?"

The Doctor smiled at her, "yeah. I never spent as much time with my family as I should."

"Do you regret it?"

"Always. I just took it for granted they would always be there and be happy to see me when I went home. Time Lord arrogance; never even considered that one day it wouldn't be there."

"You've got a time machine though. You could go back and visit them couldn't you?"

The Doctor shook his head. "It used to control time travel you see. So, to stop any harm to the timelines, it was always set that if one day it was destroyed then it would be erased from time. Stops anyone traveling through time and stealing technology you see. It's gone and even I can't see it again, even if I wanted to. It became a legend, a non-existent place of fairytales."

"Does Martha know?"

"Know what?"

"That you were a dad once."

"No. Never came up."

"So it's not just with me then."

"What isn't?" He frowned at her as he leant against the control panel.

"That you talk and talk but never give anything away about your past."

"Oh I don't know, I've told you more than I've told most."

"'Most' being...?"

"Everyone."

"So why me?"

"I don't know, maybe because you nag." He smirked.

"I do not!"

"Yes you do and I'm grateful. Rose never really nagged me to tell her anything, I think she always assumed I would tell her if I wanted to. She just accepted that there were things I didn't want to talk about so close to the war. When I met her I was still a bit….lost I suppose. For the first time in all my lives I was well and truly alone, it was a bit raw and she never pushed me. By the time I wanted to tell her things she was gone."

"What about Martha?"

"I told her about my home and that it was gone, but that was all."

"Why?"

"Because we were on an alien planet and she refused to move until I told her."

"I meant 'why was that all you told her'?"

"Oh….I just didn't want to tell her anything else." The Doctor shrugged. "She was never meant to stay for as long as she did. She was company. I'd spent a long time on my own between first meeting you and then meeting her. I thought maybe having someone around for a day or two would do me good. But by the time her ultimatum came I realised I didn't want to be on my own, and that was selfish."

"You knew she had a crush on you?"

He nodded. "I should have said 'no' and left her behind."

"No you shouldn't. If you had a death wish when she was around then if she wasn't you might actually have been killed."

"Could say the same about you."

"And Rose, and everyone else you've met along the way. It's okay to miss them."

"Miss who?"

"Everyone you've cared about. You know, sometimes you're more human than you realise."

"That comes from spending so much time with you lot."

"Why do you?"

"Because you're all brilliant! Okay maybe there's a few dunces in the class, but for the most part you are all fantastic. Millions, no BILLIONS of years from now you're spread out throughout the universe carrying on, surviving, and never giving up. There aren't many species that do that with the compassion that you lot do. You're all so young in the universe, still learning but that's what I love about you. You never give up, not on anything; you'll keep trying with every last breath. You lot are just….fantastic!" He beamed at her and Donna couldn't help but laugh.

"You're mad."

"Possibly."

"No possibility about it, you are completely bonkers." Her smiled faltered. "Would you really have let Jenny come?"

"Couldn't have left her there could I? Like you said, she was part of me and one day I might have been able to look at her without being reminded or feeling that hole. But I never would have left her behind. I never willingly leave anyone behind."

Donna nodded. "You gona be alright if I get some sleep?"

"Of course, I'm always alright."

She eyed him for a moment. "Alright then. I'll see you in a few hours, try not to crash land us anywhere else?"

"Wasn't my fault this time. Speaking of which though, I really should check she's alright."

"Have fun," Donna chuckled as she left him alone in the control room.

The Doctor sighed and sat down on the jump seat. His mind began whirring back to the last time he had anything that resembled a family.

He'd taken Rose home after their first encounter with the Cybermen and Mickey had chosen to stay behind. The only thing he could think of was taking her to see her mum.

Jackie shook her head in disbelief. "You know she thinks you've gone? She said that they all leave her; her dad, now Mickey and you."

"Me? I'm not going anywhere! I just thought you'd prefer it if there wasn't a big blue box parked in your living room for god knows how long."

She smiled at him softly. "You did the right thing, bringing her home."

"Sometimes you just need your mum," he told her quietly, avoiding her gaze.

"Even you?"

He snorted but didn't answer.

Jackie was sometimes far too observant when it came to him, no matter what he never said. In fact it was the people who'd spent the least time with him that observed the most;

"But your heart grows cold. The north wind blows and carries down the distant….Rose,"

But Donna and Martha both shared one opinion of him;

"You don't talk. You never say! Why not?"

"You talk all the time, but you don't say anything."

Obviously they had different ways of pointing this out; Martha had been annoyed where as Donna, like Rose, was just curious but never really pushed. Not that Donna needed to. He seemed to find it easier opening up to her, he supposed that was because she was truly a friend to him with no other complications, wanted or other wise.

There was only one other person he'd really opened up to and that was about Rose;

"You're the first person I've ever really spoken about her to."

"Martha seems to know about her."

"She just knows Rose was here before her."

"So why me?"

"You knew her, she affected your life," he shrugged.

"Admit it, you like me."

"You give me the creeps," the Doctor contested.

"So says the man who can change his face and lives in a box."

The pair chuckled.

"Hurst doesn't it?" Jack continued "Missing someone."

"I miss plenty of people. Goes with the territory of having no home and living for 900 years."

"This is me. You don't need to pretend. She was a force of nature. I saw how much you lo…cared about her." He changed his sentence as the Doctor narrowed his eyes at him. "Look you can not say the word for as long as you like, but we both know it's true. You did her and she did you."

"So what made Rose so special?"

"She pulled me out of the dark."

Jack frowned at him.

"When I met her, the Time War had ended, I was on my own, the last and I didn't deserve to still be here. I drifted from place to place, fixing things as I found them, causing trouble too. But there was no life in it, I was just floating. Then, there she was. She took my hand and ran; no screaming, no awkward questions. She was just there and soon I found I'd begun to care about things again, I felt alive. She saved me, Jack.

Rose never pushed me when I wanted to keep things to myself. She was just there for me."

"Rose always could read you pretty well. Martha's not so good at it though?"

"She's a great girl."

"She fancies you."

"I know," the Doctor sighed.

"Not what you want?"

"I just want a friend."

He missed Jack, he had to admit. There was something about him that you just couldn't help but be fond of but he was okay without the Doctor. Jack had his own life and his own team and one day their lives might clash and that would be fine because he'd trust Jack with the universe.

And the Doctor was okay. He would never forget Jenny, but he wasn't going to let himself dwell on what might have been. He'd done that enough over the past few years; he wasn't going to add another to the list.

Taking a deep breath he rose from the seat and went to fetch himself a cup of tea.

He didn't see the monitor's picture fizz or distort. He didn't notice the woman who could turn his whole existence around screaming his name silently to his back. He didn't see, so he doesn't know that every universe is in trouble and that she is returning.

He doesn't know but the time isn't right yet. There are still adventures for him to have, things for him to learn. But when the time is right, he will know and nothing will be the same, for any of them.

XxXxX


	39. The Unicorn and the Wasp

"Well, no one knows how they're gonna be remembered. All we can do is hope for the best. Maybe that's what kept her writing. Same thing keeps me travelling." He smiled at Donna. "Onwards?"

She smiled back. "Onwards! Here's a question for you. Earlier, I said how weird it was meeting Agatha in the middle of a murder mystery and that it'd be like meeting Charles Dickens at Christmas with ghosts. You said there was no Noddy but didn't say anything about that."

"That's because I did meet Charles, at Christmas, surrounded by ghosts."

"You're kidding me?"

"Well they weren't really ghosts they were a race called the Gelth who survived in gas. They were inhabiting dead bodies."

"Like Zombies?"

"Yup. Nearly got us killed. We were trapped in a morgue surrounded by them. I really thought we'd had it for a moment, but good old Charlie-boy helped save the day." He grinned.

"Who else have you met?"

"Oooh, let's see. Well in the last few years I've met Charlie, obviously, Madame Du Pompadour…"

"Wasn't she some tart to the King of France?"

The Doctor narrowed his eyes slightly. "That's a bit harsh."

"Sorry, but any woman who goes off with another woman's husband or fella is a tart if you ask me."

"And he isn't in the least bit to blame?"

"Well of course, but then he is a bloke. All of them think with their trousers."

"Right, well. Anyway me and Martha met Will Shakespeare with a trio of witches."

"Oh now you're just taking the mick."

The Doctor bent down and picked up the globe he'd pulled out of the trunk and gave it a shake. "There you are; Carrionites, better known to humans as witches."

Donna took the globe in disbelief. "That's just mad."

"Oh you don't know the half of it. Zombies, Loch Ness Monsters, Werewolves."

"Werewolves?"

"Oh you'd have loved that one. Tonnes of running in that adventure. We landed in the middle of Scotland 1879 and literally walked into the Scottish Royal Guard. Turns out they were escorting Queen Victoria across country. After a bit of blagging we got invited along for some of the journey. The usual mayhem ensues and we end up getting chased around this big house by a werewolf who wanted to take over the world."

"Normally I'd call for the men in white coats but you're actually serious aren't you?"

"Yup!" he grinned his usual excited childish grin. "We laughed so much and got told off. Then despite saving her life she banished us! The cheek of it."

"You keep saying 'we'. That was you and Rose?"

The Doctor gave a small nod. "You always ask about her."

"Well she was obviously a big part of your life and meant a lot. Avoiding talking about her doesn't make it feel easier, believe me."

The Doctor's jaw tensed and Donna knew she'd said enough on the subject for one day. "So come on who else have you met?"

"Now your asking! Cleopatra, Thomas Edison, Richard 1, Helen of Troy, George Stevenson, Marco Polo, Napoleon, Emperor Nero, Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday, HG Wells, Albert Einstein."

"Is it easier to name the ones you haven't met?"

"Da Vinci. I always seem to miss old Leonardo Da Vinci."

"So is he like your chase card?"

"My what?"

"You know those cards kids collect of their favourite characters? There's always a really popular one that's harder to get, they call it a chase card."

"You had way too much time on your hands once, didn't you?" The Doctor smirked

"Between the Christmas I spent with you and finding you again? Yes. You have no idea how boring life is once you've invaded any part of it. Everything is just…..trivial and dull and….."

"Terrestrial?"

"Yeah. There's just so much to see that you realise that's all you can think about, once you get over the shock of it all. Saying no the first time was huge mistake."

"No it wasn't. You wouldn't be who you are now if you'd come along. You grew Donna, in so many ways, without me. You grew up and your horizons grew, your expectations in life, and that's fantastic. You're brilliant Donna Noble."

"Stop, you'll make me blush. And I ain't kissing you again!"

"Thank Rassilion for that!" he grinned as she narrowed her eyes at him before smiling back. She couldn't help it, his smile was contagious. "So where to next?"

"Like you ever land somewhere you plan to! Where were you meant to be going when you ended up with the werewolf?

The Doctor looked down sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "Sheffield, 1979. We were going to see Ian Drury and the Blockheads."

"You're a punk? Why am I not surprised?! Breaking rules left right and centre."

"I do not! I just…. bend them a little. Anyway I do land where I intend to sometimes! I always got Rose home to see her mum. Well, the first time I was twelve months out, but I'd got her to the year five billion, and the 2010 Olympics. Wasn't all a complete disaster."

"You haven't managed with me yet. We ended up in Pompeii instead of Rome and a planet covered in snow instead of a beach."

"Yeah alright, maybe I've been a bit off my game recently. The poor girl's getting old." He stroked the edge of the control panel affectionately. "She's older than me. Takes at least five hundred years for her to have grown enough to be carved. I'm nine hundred and she was old when I got her. Gotta let her have a little leeway."

"So, where are we aiming for? That way I can wear the opposite of what I should."

A grin spread across the Doctor's face. "Fine, we'll find that beach we were heading to before we landed with the Ood."

"Finally! My kind of fun."

"Oh you love the running and you know it."

"Yeah alright, I'll give you that one. Never a dull moment with you around."

The Doctor winked at her. "See, why would you want to be anywhere else?"

"Honestly? Can't think of anywhere I'd rather be. I'm never going to want to stop travelling with you."

The Doctor's smile faltered a little but Donna didn't notice. "Go on, go get changed into something more comfortable for a lazy day."

Donna rolled her eyes and disappeared round the corridor.

He wished she hadn't said that, he lost the last person to stay something like that. Setting a new course on the TARDIS controls the panel beeped and the ship shook slightly.

Something made him reach inside his pocket for his Psychic paper. Pulling it out her almost didn't want to open it but he did.

'The Library. Come as soon as you can. X'

The Doctor frowned. He didn't know any one at the library, did he? Surely if they did, they would have signed it. It can't be Boe he died and he was the only one to never sign his name. Who was this?

"Sorry Donna," he muttered. "Looks like the beach will have to wait."

XxXxX


	40. Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead

He clicked his fingers and the doors of the TARDIS closed.

"It's never done that before," Donna said.

"I've never tried it before."

"Then why did you?"

He thought for a moment and then decided not to tell her. "Doesn't matter."

That was a spoiler. He didn't know how long he had until be met River again, but he'd look older so he could only assume it was years from now.

"Doctor…Am I. Did she say…anything about me?"

"I thought you didn't want to know." He frowned.

"I don't it's just. I can't get the thought out of my head. I'm gone; I'm not with you when you meet her. I must die then, mustn't I?"

"Everyone dies Donna, eventually. You forget I'm 900 years old. It could be decades, centuries even before I meet her. You could have died of old age. You could simply have got bored and left. Maybe, just maybe you'll meet the man of your dreams along the way and decide it's time to go home. There are many reasons why you might not be with me Donna. Thing is, the future isn't written, not really. Anything she wrote in her diary could change and we wouldn't know that we've changed it. There's no point in worrying about something that might be incredibly simple. She said I was older. A lot older by the sounds of things, so we've got plenty of running to do, don't you worry."

Donna smiled at him softly, feeling a little reassured. "You've seen a lot of people die haven't you? I don't just mean like today or in the war."

"Hasn't everyone?"

"Not across the span of centuries. You watch us all grow and change and die. How do you do cope with it?"

"No other choice. That's the thing about being a Time Lord, Donna. My world keeps moving; it has to, no matter what happens to those around me."

"But aren't you tempted to look? To see what's going to happen?"

He'd had a similar conversation with Rose a long time ago, just after Mickey had left them;

"I don't look into people's individual future, Rose. That would cause too many conflicts. I could cause paradoxes of epic proportions. Imagine if I saw someone die and I decided to stop it. That one act could change the course of history. It could destroy the universe and believe me when I say there are enough beings willing to do that given half the chance without adding any deeds of my own to the list."

"Every now and then but I never do. Imagine the damage it could do. Saving someone that shouldn't be saved. That one person could change the entire future and not in a good way."

"No wonder you get lonely."

"I'm alright." He shrugged.

Donna raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, so I've been better but it's not like I'm going to curl up and die."

"Glad to hear it. Chocolate cake?"

"Now that sounds like the best plan you've had in ages!"

"Plan? I never have plans. Neither do you! We make it up as we go along."

"Touché. Still, it's more fun that way, don't you think?"

XxXxX

The pair sat on the sofa, staring at the television screen not really seeing it and idly eating chocolate cake.

"This is too surreal," Donna announced finally.

"What is?"

"Us, sitting here like this. We never watch Eastenders."

"True. I've been told watching this makes you feel better about your own life."

"It's not me, is it you?"

"At this point? No. Their problems are so trivial most of the time. 'Oh no, she cheated on me with my long lost dad. What should I do?'" He rolled his eyes.

"That's trivial?"

"Compared to what goes on in our lives? Yup." He popped the 'p'.

"Yeah, okay, I'll give you that." She chuckled. "I can see the t.v guide headlines next Christmas; 'Walford invaded by aliens. Keith Miller saves the day with his toxic body odour.'"

"Now that I would tune in for!" the Doctor grinned.

"So how many Christmas invasions have you saved us from?"

The Doctor leant his head back against the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. "Ooo, there was the one with Charles Dickens and the 'ghosts', there was the Sycorax, which I think you said you slept through because you were hung over," he grinned at her. "Then there was the Racnoss, which you helped me with."

"I didn't do anything," she dismissed.

He thought back to the flames leaping everywhere and the water rushing all around him. He'd stood there just watching the Racnoss children die. There was no thought in his mind about moving, at that point in time he hadn't cared. If it wasn't for Donna telling him to stop, he might never have left. "You did more than you'll ever know," he told her softly. "Then there was the Titanic almost hitting Buckingham Palace."

"Should've known that would be you. So the Queen knows who you are then?"

"Oh yeah, me and Liz? We're like this!" he crossed his fingers and grinned at her.

"Show off."

The pair fell silent once more, both getting lost in their own worlds.

Donna sat, thinking about the man that never was. Her perfect man, who had adored her. For a moment she'd actually believed she would find him in the crowds. The Doctor hadn't batted an eyelid when she said she wanted to find him. He'd just offered her a sad look and a small nod.

He understood. He knew how she felt and she was sure he would do the same if he could. He'd search the whole universe looking for that one person. Only problem was, that person wasn't to be found.

He'd told her his name. She was right; his future self had known she was going to die, he'd never told anyone outside of Gallifrey his name. He'd known all this was going to happen and he'd told her his name to make sure his past self saved her. He'd never even told Rose his name, and Rose was….. If he'd known he was going to lose her maybe he would have told her, given her a little piece that no one else would know.

The Doctor closed his eyes and shut out the horrors of the day. He didn't want to dwell on things anymore, River and the others were safe in that world, living their lives. All those who died were saved.

Today was another rare day where, in one way or another, everyone lived.

XxXxX


	41. Midnight

"Okay, this whole time jumping thing isn't helping. You never find him. Let's just try locking onto him and sending him a message. Like we did before."

"Mickey we don't even know where he is!"

"So what you're just going to give up?! Don't you dare! It's not just our universe it's all of them and you know it," Mickey snapped.

"I know," Rose sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I'm just tired and I want to find him and tell him. If we could stop it altogether then brilliant; one less thing to worry about."

"Exactly, but we are running out of time. We need a plan b."

Rose looked up at him.

"If we can't tell him not to let Donna wander off, then we need a way of setting things right afterwards." Mickey began punching keys on his key board and running between computer screens.

"Like what?"

Mickey grinned. "His TARDIS."

"What about it?"

"If he and Donna never meet we know what happens to him. Unit is bound to pick up the TARDIS right? So, you jump over there to Unit, grab the plans for the TARDIS and bring them back, we get the plans ready for our part of the machinery, you take them to unit and get them started on that. Then you just hop forward, get Donna to follow you and send her off to make sure she turns the right way."

"Simple and that?" Rose scoffed.

"No, it's not going to be easy, she has to be willing to die. She will have created a parallel world, right?"

"Right."

"So if she sets things right the parallel world won't exist and neither will she."

"She can't meet herself, Mickey; that would create a paradox. Even one small touch will bring in the Reapers."

"Then what are we supposed to do? She's not gona listen to some blond loony running up to her and yelling, 'turn left! Turn left!' is she?"

Rose was silent for a few moments, her brain running at full speed. "Leave that to me. I'll get you the plan for the TARDIS if we need it. You just be ready."

"Always am. Right, it's not strong but it's up. Last chance Rose."

She nodded. "Here we go."

The picture fizzed and she could just make out what looked like the Doctor on a plane.

"Doctor! Doctor!" She yelled as loudly as she could but he didn't even flinch. There was no response. He couldn't hear her.

"Looks like plan b," Mickey sighed. "You gona be okay with that?"

"Maybe I can save him."

"What?"

"Maybe I can get there in time to get him out. Make him leave. The reason he doesn't leave is because he doesn't meet Donna, right?"

"This is all in theory Rose."

"So? Okay so in theory, he never meets Donna, tackles the Racnoss on his own and dies right? The Doctor would have been able to get out of there we know that. He did the first time so it must be because he's on his own. What if I go back through on Christmas Eve and help him. Get him out of there?"

"That's changing history, Rose. We need things to go back to the way they were to make sure we all get to the same point in time. You know that."

Rose sighed and nodded. "I know. It's just…."

"You want to see him. You want to be the one to save him."

"Selfish huh?"

"A little. But I get why. Doesn't make you a bad person."

"Doesn't it? Sometimes I forget what we're supposed to be doing."

"Then maybe I should do it."

"No, it's something I have to do. I know what I've got to say."

"Say to who?"

"Donna, she'll need to warn him without telling him. He needs to come to the right place the right way, and that doesn't include me. Not yet."

"What are you going to tell her to tell him?"

"Just two words."

"Only two?"

"That's all it will take. He'll know, then the fun will begin."

"You have a really weird idea of fun, you know that?"

"I was being sarcastic."

"Oh, right. I knew that."

Rose chuckled and shook her head before moving to the teleporter.

"It's alright, I'll do that," Mickey told her, dashing to the controls. He didn't quite trust her to put in the right time settings. He knew she would try and save him given half the chance.

She found herself on familiar London streets. There were no Zepplins in the sky but she could hear emergency sirens. She began to run towards the river. She wasn't going to save him. Mickey had sent her too late and there was nothing she could do but she had to be sure. She had to see for herself.

XxXxX

It was supposed to have been a relaxing time for the pair of them. A pick-me-up, after the events of the library. Instead it had turned into a complete nightmare.

The Doctor had barely said more than a few sentences since returning to the spa. He just sat, staring into the distance.

They hadn't listened to him; they'd tried to kill him. They all turned like a pack of animals, clawing and dragging him to the door. He knew what was going on, he could hear and feel everything and he'd been so scared.

That thing had been inside his head, seeding it's darkness in everyone's mind.

He really thought that had been the end of him. After all the years of fighting to stay on the right side of darkness, he thought he was going to be thrown out into space.

Donna watched him silently. She's never known him to be this affected before and it was beginning to worry her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked finally.

"No." His response was so quiet she barely heard it.

"Okay, just don't get too lost in the dark." She turned her attention out to the horizon.

"Thank you."

Donna looked back at him to find he was finally looking at her. She smiled at him. "Any time." Reaching out, squeezed his hand for a moment before letting the silence resume.

He would talk when he was ready to and that was fine by her, as long as he knew she was there.

XxXxX


	42. Turn Left

"No, but she said... the stars... she said the stars are going out."  
"Yeah, but that world's gone," the Doctor tried to reassure her.   
"No, but she said it was all worlds. Every world. She said the darkness is coming, even here."

The Doctor couldn't help but ask now, something was nagging at him and he didn't know what, but he was certain it was something to do with this woman that had saved them. "Who was she?"

"I don't know."

It couldn't be, could it? That would be impossible but if it was true they really were in serious trouble. "What did she look like?"

Donna had to try and recall her face. "She was...Blonde."

He felt his hearts start to race and his blood rushing through his ears. He was torn. Part of him so desperately wanted to be right but the sensible side of him was praying he was wrong. "What was her name?"

"I don't know!"

"Donna, what was her name?" His voice was trembling now.

"But she told me... to warn you. She said... two words."

"What two words? What were they? What did she say?"

Donna heard the quiet urgency that made her concentrate harder. She'd never seen the Doctor this worked up before over someone he'd never met.

"Bad Wolf." She watched as the Doctor's eyes widened and he began to shake.

He knew what that meant. How could those two words fill him with so much emotion? He looked like he was about to cry, terrified even.

"Well, what does it mean?"

Without warning the Doctor was on his feet and bursting from the tent.

He looked around him and everything that had once been an ordinary advert or sign now only said those two words. Everywhere he looked were those two words, over and over, the same two words Rose had sent out as a message to herself all those years ago, the two words she used to save his life and the universe from the Daleks. His blood was rushing, pounding in his ears so loudly it was deafening.

Something was coming and Rose was trying to warn him. He ran as fast as his legs would go for the TARDIS. It was the same, not just spray painted words like before but every word printed on the TARDIS now read 'Bad Wolf.'

Wrenching the door open he rushed inside, everything was glowing red and the Cloister bell was ringing ominously.

Donna slammed the door shut behind her."Doctor, what is it? What's Bad Wolf?"

"It's the end of the Universe." After a beat he ran to the control panel and set co-ordinates for Earth.

"How does that mean the end of the universe?"

"She chose the words and scattered them through time and space as a message for herself."

"Who was she Doctor? Who was that woman?"

He looked at her for a moment, his eyes shimmering. "Rose."

Donna's eyes widened.

"You met Rose and she's trying to warn us. Something's coming and the universe is at stake."

"But why Bad Wolf? I don't understand."

The Doctor wiped a hand down his face. "Rose saved the universe. We were about to die and I sent her away. I sent her home in the TARDIS to save her. But, stubborn as she was, she managed to break open the heart of the TARDIS and absorbed the Time Vortex. No one is ever meant to do that. It was killing her, burning her from the inside, but she came back for me. She destroyed them all and sent the words through time and space as a message to herself, telling her she could get back to me and save everyone. Now the message is back."

"She is returning."

"What?"

"That bloke in Pompeii, he said I had something on my back and I did, that's how I met Rose. He also said 'she is returning'. He was right. He really knew the future. He told you."

"Couldn't have been more cryptic if he tried. Why couldn't he have said the end of the universe is coming?! Bloody soothsayers. Never get to the point!" The Doctor took off to look at the monitor. "Come on, what's taking so long?!" he growled, hitting the panel with a mallet as it sparked. "And will you stop that infernal bell ringing?!"

The cloister bell fell silent and the red lights faded back to their usual honey colour.

Donna watched incredulously as the Doctor went from remembrance to annoyance.

As the TARDIS bumped to its landing, the Doctor flung open the door and ran outside.

"It's fine. Everything's fine." He turned on the spot taking everything in. "Nothing's wrong it's all fine." He spotted a milkman. "Excuse me? What day is it?"

"It's Saturday."

"Saturday, good. Good, I like Saturday's."

Donna barely contained the eye roll. He was back to avoidance. "So I just met Rose Tyler?" she asked, saying her name in full, finally hoping to get him to say something about her other than the past.

"Yeah."

"But she's locked away in a parallel world"

"Exactly, if she can cross from her parallel world to your parallel world it means the walls of the universe are breaking down, which puts everything in danger, everything."

"But how?"

He turned back inside, throwing his coat aside and running round the control panel.

Donna followed him.

He was keeping his eyes down, his jaw tense as he quenched the thought of seeing her again. It took all his will not to get lost in that thought; seeing her again, holding her, holding her hand, hearing her laugh, watching her smile, feeling the whole world light up just because she was there. He couldn't get lost in that thought, he couldn't allow himself to dwell, there was too much at stake.

His Rose was still fighting; she was still defending the universe no matter which one she happened to be in. He wondered where she was now. Was she still here or had she gone back to her mum and Mickey?

Rose coming back was fantastic and brilliant and he felt his chest swell but it also meant disaster.

"Thing is Doctor, not matter what's happening, and I'm sure it's bad I get that but Rose is coming back, isn't that good?"

He looked up at her finally and allowed himself to smile. "Yeah."

XxXxX

"So?"

"We did it. She did it. She stepped in front of the van."

"Blimey."

"The Doctor's alive and everything is as it should be. For now."

"Don't know many civilians that would do that."

"The Doctor only takes the best, Mickey, you know that."

"Did you see him?"

"No. One problem at a time, Micks."

"Right. So what next boss?"

"Next? Next it's the biggy. Next it's the Doctor's turn. The stars are going out Mickey and it's all about to change. We just have to make sure it's the Doctor that wins."

"I thought you'd have run for the TARDIS by now."

"Don't know where he is."

"You could find him."

Rose shrugged.

"You still love him." It wasn't a question. "You'll see him again. And you know what I reckon?"

"What?"

"I reckon that he's gona be so pleased to see you he'll be….speechless. Which I hope I'm there to see. Seriously, though. I can see it now. Your eyes meet on a crowded street, the music swells and you'll run into each other's arms, like one of those old movies Jackie makes us watch."

"I think you've had too many nights in with my mum," Rose giggled.

Mickey smiled back as her eyes sparkled slightly; she was alive for those few moments when they spoke about the good times.

She'd never given up hope of being able to see him again; it was what kept her fighting. That and knowing the Doctor would never want her to give up. He needed her help and he was going to have it.

XxXxX


	43. Stolen Earth

"Think Donna, when you met Rose in that parallel world, what did she say?"

"Just that the darkness is coming."

"Anything else?"

Something caught Donna's eye over the Doctor's shoulder that made her want to smile. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

She watched his face change to a look of confusion and disbelief before he turned. She could see the grin spread across the girl's face as she began to run. The Doctor started running a second later, quicker than she'd ever seen him before. It was like he was running for his life, or to it.

Donna felt a lump appear in her throat. She'd been right. He'd loved this girl, adored her and she was so pleased that he could see her again. It seemed right.

She could imagine the grin that would be plastered over his face as he ran towards Rose. She could imagine Rose launching herself into his arms and him spinning her round.

"Finally," she whispered to herself.

And that's when it all went wrong. The pair faltered and a laser struck the Doctor, throwing him to the ground. 'I'm sorry for your loss.'

She began running.

XxXxX

"I've got you. It missed you. Look. It's me"

"Rose." He still couldn't believe it. He was in her arms. Rose was here, smiling down at him. She looked so beautiful and he was going to die.

"Hi."

"Long time no see," he managed.

"Yeah, been busy, you know."

He couldn't hold back the groan of pain.

"Don't die. Don't die, oh god don't die."

Here she was, right in front of him and he couldn't speak, he wanted to say so much but the pain was excruciating.

"Get him into the TARDIS quick. Move!"

He recognised that voice; that was the Captain.

It wasn't fair, he just got Rose back and now this body was going to die. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to control the regeneration, trying to stop it, trying to use all his energy to repair himself instead. He couldn't regenerate. He couldn't do that to her again.

Last time she saw him die it scared her; she didn't want to believe it was still him. She missed the old him. He didn't want that to happen again. He didn't want her to feel that loss because of him. She'd come all this way and done so much to be with him, to help him, and the Daleks were winning. Again. Another life down.

He knew that he'd loved her through two bodies and he knew he'd love her in the next, but that wouldn't be any comfort for her. He would be different again, different personality, different face. She might not want him. And maybe that was easier. He knew she'd have to go back to the other universe; her mum and Mickey were there, so maybe looking different and being different would make it easier for her. Her Doctor wouldn't be here anymore, he'd be a memory. He knew he would still be the Doctor but not to her. Not a second time.

As Donna and Rose lay him down on the floor, he looked up into Rose's face. She was crying, like the last time he saw her and he hated that.

He'd been right, the universe had a sick sense of humour and it was totally unfair.

XxXxX

Rose watched as his face contorted into pain. She knew what was coming and it was killing her. It wasn't fair. Nothing about this was fair. She'd just found him. She'd seen the grin spread across his face and she knew that Mickey was right. Nothing had changed, he hadn't forgotten about her in any way. He was as pleased to see her as ever, maybe even more so.

Donna was asking questions but Rose couldn't answer, she couldn't take her eyes off the man she loved, dying in her arms. He couldn't do this to her, there had to be some other way.

Jack was telling her to move away but if she did that meant it was real. She was going to lose another Doctor.

She'd been fond of her first Doctor; loved him to pieces in fact, but as she got to know this one she realised that she adored him, she loved him more than anything and she couldn't bear to lose him too.

Silently she begged him not to change, not to regenerate. Hoping that he would just be able to repair the damage without a full regeneration. That he would stay the same. Stay as the man she had completely fallen for. But deep down she knew he couldn't, she knew he was dying.

"He can't, not now, I came all this way," she sobbed as the Doctor began to writhe in pain.

He lifted his hand and Rose looked, watching it begin to glow. There was no going back now. She was about to lose him and she didn't want to leave his side. She wanted to stay with him as long as possible, to drag out their last few moments. She wanted to tell him so much before he changed; things that she didn't know she would be able to with a different face. She wasn't sure if he would feel the same about her after the regeneration, she didn't know enough about it. Last time, he seemed to care about her even more than before the change. He held her more often and she didn't want to lose that, not now.

"It's starting," he panted and she knew this was it.

Jack rushed forward and pulled her away.

Rose watched the Doctor drag himself to his feet as she explained to Donna what was happening. "But you can't," she cried.

He looked at her, with those big brown eyes and said he was sorry and she knew he was. Through the physical pain she could see the sorrow on his face.

Then he exploded into light as he had before and after the initial blast she looked back, unable to take her eyes off him, desperate for it to stop, to see his face remaining unchanged through the golden light.

XxXxX

Jack held the girls tightly. He hadn't been able to tell Rose how glad he was to see her, how he'd grieved when he thought she was dead and how relieved he was when the Doctor told what had really happened.

He could feel her heart pounding against his chest as the Doctor exploded into golden light.

The Doctor had all but told him that he loved Rose. He'd never said the actual words but Jack knew, and he knew that Rose loved him back so this was heart wrenching for all of them.

For a moment his mind drifted back to what was left of his team in Cardiff and prayed that they were still safe. They had barely come to terms with the loss of Tosh and Owen and now they had to fight for their lives.

He'd never been as scared in his very long life as he was when he heard that one word repeating over and over. His blood ran cold and he knew it was the end. For the first time in years he was completely useless, he couldn't save those he loved. All they could do was hide together and pray. But then, hearing Harriet Jones calling had given them hope and then to finally see the Doctor on his screen was a huge relief, he knew whenever the Doctor found them they were going to be okay. He'd never doubted him, the Doctor was the one person in the entire universe who could and would always fight to save the universe no matter what. Even if that meant losing his own life.

That's what Jack had rebuilt Torchwood for; to fight the same fight in the same way. He knew with pride that his team would and had laid down their own lives to save everyone else. He lost Tosh and Owen saving Cardiff and he knew that Ianto and Gwen wouldn't give up. If they were going down, they would go down fighting.

They all would, together.

XxXxX


	44. Journey's End

The thunder rumbled in the distance as the Doctor stepped out of the Noble's house.

"Ah... you'll have quite a bit of this. Atmospheric disturbance. Still, it'll pass.   
Everything does."

Wilf watched sadly as the Doctor turned to shake his hand

"Bye then, Wilfred," he said, stepping into the dark, rain-soaked street.

"Oh, Doctor...What about you, now? Who've you got? I mean, all those friends of yours...?"

"They've all got someone else. Still, that's fine. I'm fine."

Wilf saw the look on the Time Lords face and knew he wasn't. "I'll watch out for you, sir."

"You can't ever tell her," the Doctor reminded him.

"No, no, no. But every night, Doctor... when it gets dark... and the stars come out... I'll look up. On her behalf. I'll look up at the sky and think of you." He could barely hold his voice steady as he looked at the man stood in the rain, alone as water soaked through his clothes.

"Thank you."

The Doctor returned to the TARDIS, he didn't see Wilf salute him as he left.

He felt tired and miserable as he stripped off his soaked jacket. After watching the time rota for a few moments he began to adjust some of the controls but could find no enthusiasm. He stopped and leant against the console feeling his whole world darken again. He was alone again and this time was just as painful as it had been when he'd had to say goodbye to Rose the first time.

This time he'd lost two people that meant the world to him and it was his own fault.

If he hadn't left that hand on the floor in the TARDIS, Donna would never have touched it and he wouldn't have had a clone. His clone wouldn't have committed genocide and wouldn't have needed saving, and Donna wouldn't have become part Time Lord.

When he thought about it he was always going to lose. Without the second Doctor the Daleks might have won and they would all have been dead. This way he had to send Rose back to the other universe so she could save his other-self and Donna had lost who she was.

She cared about him but was quick to tell him off when he needed it, and everyone else for that matter.

"Donna. I'm a Human Being. Maybe not the stuff of legend, but every bit as important as Time Lords, thank you."

"You're not mating with me, sunshine!"

"Her name's Martha! And she's not collateral damage. Not for anyone. Have you got that, GI Jane?!"

He never thought he'd say it but Donna Noble had been just what he needed. She'd been brilliant. She was funny and up for anything, well almost, and most important of all she was a friend.

"The thing is, Doctor... no matter what's happening - and I'm sure it's bad, I get that. But... Rose is coming back. Isn't that good?"

"You fought her off with a water pistol. I bloody love you. "

"Promise me one thing though, Doctor."  
"What's that?"  
"That you'll find somebody."  
"I don't need anybody."  
"Yes you do. Because I think sometimes you need somebody to stop you."

"Oh, well that makes a change from last time. That Martha must've done you good."  
"She did, yeah. She did... She fancied me."  
"Mad Martha, that one. Blind Martha. Charity Martha."

"Is "All right" special time-lord code for ... not really all right at all?"  
"Why?"  
"Because I'm alright too."

"You talk all the time but you don't say anything."  
"I know."

"You have no idea how boring life is once you've invaded any part of it. Everything is just…..trivial and dull."

"Just don't get too lost in the dark."

Donna would never know how much she'd done for him or the universe, she wouldn't even wonder. She would go back to her life of getting drunk at Christmas and sleeping through all the excitement and that just wasn't fair.

She had grown into one of the most fantastic people in the universe. She'd become selfless and heroic and the Doctor had meant every word that he'd said to Sylvia and Wilf, in fact he would have said more if he could have found the right words.

With a sigh the Doctor dawdled down the corridor stopping at Donna's bedroom door.

Taking a look around he sighed again and picking up one of her bags, he began to pack some of her clothes. He'd drop it off while she wasn't home because he was sure she'd packed up her entire wardrobe and brought it on board.

The lump in his throat grew as he found the toga she'd worn in Pompeii. She'd been so brave in that volcano, braver than him. Despite what she'd said he was sure if it hadn't been for her he wouldn't have been able to press that lever.

He would never be able to replace Donna. She'd done so much for him over such a short amount of time. She'd brought him back to life, something he would always be grateful for but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt, Donna was gone and with her she'd taken the laughter and life that had filled the TARDIS recently. He would never be able to wipe the fear and sadness he'd seen in her eyes when she realised what had to happen. That look would be embedded in his mind and now his ship was a cavernous and lonely place once more.

XxXxX

"How could I ever go back to normal life after seeing all this? I'm gonna travel with that man for ever."

XxXxX

As he left Donna's room he looked down the hall at Rose's.

He never dreamed he would ever really see her again and when he had there had been such hope. Hope that she still loved him, hope that she'd stay. And for a few brief moments he really thought there had been a chance. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt completely lost in some one as he had when they finally were able to hold each other, he felt like he was home. And as many friends as he'd had, no hand had ever felt as right in his as Rose's.

He couldn't think of a lovelier sight than that of her running towards him with a grin spread across her face. He'd missed that smile.

Crossing over to her bed he picked up her purple top and folded it neatly, before placing it in a drawer.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked up at the ceiling.

The Doctor had known the moment he'd seen his other-self run out of the TARDIS that he wouldn't be able to keep Rose. But it had been a nice dream while it had lasted.

Ironically despite Davros and Dalek Caan trying to kill them all, it turned out his worst enemy was himself. He'd had to make the sacrifice and send Rose home with the war born Doctor.

If anyone could fix him, Rose could. She'd saved him in so many ways before.

She had been the one that had dragged him from the darkness in his mind. She had been the one that had held his hand no matter what, and in that simple act she had given him love and reassurance, reminding him that he wasn't the monster he thought himself to be.

"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words...I scatter them in time and space. A message to lead myself here. I want you safe, my Doctor, protected from the false God."

Rose had done it again. She'd beaten the odd and crossed the universe to save him. She hadn't given up on him, travelled to so many places and through so many worlds to find him. Just like his Rose, stubborn and wilful and utterly fantastic.

At least he knew she was alright and she had a part of him. And, although it hadn't been him that said it she also knew what he'd been trying to say on the beach.

The sight of her kissing the other him was bittersweet. That version of him would get to have Rose all his life, he would get to be there for her all the time and share her life. Who knows, maybe they'd even be able to have children.

He was glad for Rose and he hoped she would be happy with him, because he did love her and he missed her so much that it hurt, but he was meant to be alone. The latest loss of Donna proved that, he caused too much pain and misery.

He knew that his other-self would look after Rose and love her as much as he did, they were the same person basically, he just needed a little fine tuning.

The Doctor sat heavily on Rose's bed and wiped his face.

"How long are you going to stay with me?"

"Forever."

At least now Rose would get her wish, even if he was in a different suit.

Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth and a woman he truly loved. She was gone now and he would never see her again.

Clenching his jaw against his tears he stood and took one last look around before leaving the room, locking the door behind him.

Everything has it's time.

XxXxX

"It wasn't your fault. Remember that, okay? It wasn't your fault. And do you know what? I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

XxXxX


	45. Journey's End part 2

Jackie felt her chest ache as she heard the sadness in her daughter's voice.

"No, but I spent all that time trying to find you, I'm not going back now!" Rose cried. She didn't want her daughter to stay with him. Selfish as it was, it would break her heart to have to say goodbye. She'd already lost Mickey today, who she thought of as one of her own. Losing Rose too would tear her apart.

"But you've got to." She could see the sadness on the Doctor's face. "Because we saved the universe, but at a cost. And the cost is him. He destroyed the Daleks. He committed genocide. He's too dangerous to be left on his own."

"You made me!"

Things were always confusing when the Doctor was around at the best of times. Now there were two of them and Jackie didn't know which way to look.

"Exactly, you were born in battle - full of blood and anger and revenge." The Doctor looked back at Rose. "Remind you of someone?"

Jackie remembered all the stories Rose had told her over the past few months of the Doctor. How the old him and the new him were the same man, how he'd fought in a war and how over time she'd seen the change in him, even before the regeneration.

"That's me. When we first met. And you made me better. And now you can do the same for him."

Jackie felt the lump in her throat grow.

"But he's not you," Rose told him.

"He needs you. That's very me."

Even without saying the words, in that moment, without probably even realising it, he'd just told Rose what she wanted to hear.

She suddenly felt something she'd never associated with the Doctor. Pride. She wanted to run to her daughter and explain what she's just missed but this is their moment.

"But it's better than that, though." Donna began. "Don't you see what he's trying to give you?"

Her daughter turned to look at the new Doctor.  
"Tell her, go on," the woman urged.

Rose turned to face the new Doctor.

"I look like him and I think like him... same memories, same thoughts, same everything. Except, I've only got one heart."

"Which means?"

"I'm part Human. Specifically the aging part. I'll grow old and never regenerate. I've only got one life... Rose Tyler."

Jackie was sure her heart would stop when he hesitated, she could almost hear the words before they were even said.  
"I could spend it with you. If you want," he continued.  
"You'll grow- grow old at the same time as me?"

"Together."

Rose put a hand to his chest and felt just the one heart beating.

"We've gotta go. This reality's sealing itself off," the Doctor told her.

Jackie bit her lip as a tear rolled down her daughter's cheek.

"Forever."

The Doctor and Donna turned back to the TARDIS and Rose went after them. Jackie almost yelled out at her daughter to stop.  
"But it's still not right. Because... the Doctor's... still you."

"And I'm him."

"All right. Both of you; answer me this. When I last stood on this beach on the worst day of my life... what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it."

"I said, 'Rose Tyler'."

"Yeah, and how was that sentence going to end?"

Would he say it? Would the original Doctor really tell her daughter how he felt?

"Does it need saying?"

"And you, Doctor?" Rose turned to the new Doctor. "What was the end of that sentence?"

Jackie held her breath as he put his hand on her arm and leant to whisper in her ear and when Rose pulled him to her and kissed him she looked up at the original Doctor.

She watched him swallow heavily before turning away, with a smile that was heartbreakingly sad.

That's why the original Doctor wouldn't say it; he knew that if he did Rose would never accept the new Doctor. She wouldn't let him leave without her.

He'd given her a precious gift. He'd given her part of himself, and he would love her as he should. They could live their lives together like any other couple and Jackie saw in his face how much that was hurting him.

She wanted to tell her daughter that he was leaving but she didn't say a word. If he wanted to bow out quietly, she wouldn't argue.

Rose wrapped her arms around the new Doctor as he returned the kiss and Jackie felt a surge of bitter-sweetness.

When the door of the TARDIS closed, Rose spun round with a gasp.

Jackie watched the new Doctor as Rose ran towards the dematerialising TARDIS.

He gave very little away as Rose watched the ship fade; he just went to her and slipped his hand into hers.

"Alright?" he asked, unsure of her reaction.

"You're really him?"

"Well, yes. Just the opposite way round."

"What?"

"Well, he's got that body and a new hand; I've got the old hand and the new body."

Rose chuckled in spite of the situation. "Okay, you're really him." She shook her head.

"I am Rose. I wouldn't lie, not to you. I…..we love you."

"Is it weird that I miss him even though he's you?"

The new Doctor took a deep breath at looked up at the sky. "Look at it the way you did before. You missed the old me; the one with the big ears and daft face but you still had me."

"So I should look at it like a regeneration only without changing your face?"

"Exactly."

"It's going to take a while to get used to."

"I know," he told her quietly. "But I'm not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to."

"You can't anyway, you haven't got a TARDIS."

"I wouldn't, not without you."

Rose looked right into his eyes and saw a mixture of her first Doctor and the one she adored. "I didn't think you'd be able to make my head could hurt anymore," she sighed and rested her head on his shoulder as confusion and conflict coursed through her.

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault really." Rose looked up at him before looking over her shoulder at her mother. "I hope you've developed a liking for carpets," she told him. "'Cause I haven't found anywhere of my own yet."

Jackie gave her a small smile and wiped her eyes. "Your dad's on his way. We better get off this beach before it gets dark. What did you have to dump us here for anyway?" Jackie challenged.

The new Doctor shrugged. "Makes getting back more fun."

"I'll give you fun. It's cold and wet and in the middle of bloody nowhere!"

"Mum. Shut up; let's just get off the beach." Rose looked around her. "I don't want to come back here again." Instinctively she huddled slightly to the new Doctor's side as they began the walk. "Do you think Mickey will be alright?"

"With Jack in charge? I should think so. Oh, meant to tell you! You remember the Face of Boe?"

"What about him?"

"Apparently, it's Jack!"

"What?! Shut up! It can't be!"

"I swear on my lives…." He frowned. "life. I swear on my life. He doesn't know it yet but he's going to end up as a giant head in a jar!"

"Oh, I wish I could be there when he finds out! Wait a minute, how?!"

"There are a lot of things I have to tell you. A lot has happened over the past two years."

Jackie and Rose looked up at the tone of his voice. He looked conflicted and sad and angry, like a maelstrom of things hitting him all at the same time.

"We'll start at the beginning, yeah? Slowly," Rose said quietly.

"One day at a time," he agreed.

Jackie hung back a little.

Give it a few days, weeks at most and the differences between the tow Doctors wouldn't matter. Her girl loved this man and this man loved her just as much.

Yes, her little girl would be just fine, and she would be forever grateful to the Doctor for fixing her, where ever he was.

XxXxX


	46. The Next Doctor

"Not out tonight love?"

"Nah, didn't feel like it. Here, brought you some soup." She sighed as she sat down beside her grandfather. "Looks pretty clear tonight."

"Beautiful. All those stars sparkling brightly. It's like they know its Christmas."

"Do you ever wonder….nah, never mind."

"Wonder what, Donna?"

"Well, there's all that black up there. Do you think there's really something up there? Living up there?"

Wilf hesitated.

'If she remembers, just for a second, she'll burn up. You can never tell her. You can't mention me, or any of it... for the rest of her life.'

"Honestly love, I couldn't tell you." He looked back up at the sky and thought of the Time Lord. Was he alone? He probably didn't celebrate Christmas, but no one should be alone, and sometimes he thought Christmas could be the loneliest time of year for those with no one to share it with. He felt his eyes grow warm at the thought of that remarkable man, the man who had changed Donna's life, who'd made her a better person, the man who'd saved them all many times, and the man who Donna would never remember.

"You alright Gramps?" Donna asked.

"Yeah. Just thinking how small the world is, but how lonely and big it can seem."

"Bit melancholy for Christmas," Donna smirked.

"You get that way in your old age, my girl. You see so many people going through life under a cloud, the weight of the universe on their shoulders. We're the lucky ones Donna, me and you. We're the ones who have someone."

Donna grinned at Wilf. "You're not going all 'Christmas Carol' epiphany on me are you?"

"Oh I learnt that long ago. Come on love. If we spend much longer out here your mother will think we've done a runner so we don't have to eat her turkey."

"Can't we?" she laughed.

"Donna Noble, your mother would never forgive us."

"I know. But the world is so big. That's gona be my new years resolution, Gramps. To see the world. Well some of it anyway."

Wilf chuckled. "Where's this come from?"

"I don't know. But the last few weeks I've woken up with the biggest urge to run, see the world. Do something different and exciting. It'd be like visiting a whole new world."

"Didn't you already do that with Egypt?"

"Yeah but it wasn't a proper adventure. Maybe I'll go backpacking to Peru or something." Donna continued to talk to herself as she made her way through the allotments.

As he packed away his telescope Wilf looked up at the night sky and saluted. "There's hope for her yet, Doctor. Merry Christmas, Sir."

XxXxX

Gwen, Ianto and Jack jostled in front of the video phone.

"Typical, we get five minutes to ourselves and he's not even there to answer the phone!" Jack complained.

"Where the hell are you?" he said into the monitor, leaving a message with the TARDIS. "Not that it really matters. We were just wondering what you were doing with yourself while we all stuff ourselves with turkey and mince pies. I'm sorry about Rose and Donna. If you get lonely, you know where to find us, although knowing you you'll have charmed some poor saps to give you a Christmas dinner." Jack grinned then became serious. "We're keeping an eye on Donna for you. She's doing fine. We'll look after her, I promise."

Gwen and Ianto stepped out of view.

"Listen Doctor. I just…. I wanted you to know that I miss her too, I wasn't as close to her as you were and I know that you'll never say that it broke your hearts to send her away again but I know it did. At least she's safe and happy right? She's got her very own Doctor for life, who else can say the same? I'm not going anywhere Doctor, you'll always know where to find me, you just have to shout if you need me. Have a Merry Christmas and don't leave it so long next time."

"Merry Christmas!" Gwen and Ianto shouted from off screen.

With a sigh, Jack cut the connection and seated himself back at the table raising his glass. "Absent friends, where ever they are."

"To Owen and Tosh," Ianto said.

"And Rose," Gwen smiled at Jack as she added his friend to the list.

XxXxX

Jackson, Rosita and the Doctor sat at the table.

"It felt lonely underneath it all," Jackson said.

"What did?" Rosita looked up at her friend.

"Being the Doctor," he looked at the real Doctor. "You put a brave face on it and surround yourself with the illusion of light and laughter but underneath, it's all so dark."

The Doctor looked at his dinner companions. "I suppose it is."

"You've known so much love and loss, more than any man should have to. How do you bare it?"

"I know that those that leave go on to better things."

"Donna and Rose?"

The Doctor felt a cold stab at their names. "Rose is fine; she has a part of me with her, literally. Donna will go back to her life and not remember the nightmares that come along with the other worlds."

"I felt how you feel about them both. Two very different women but both saved you and both lost to you. Will you continue on your own?"

"In this lifetime? Yes, probably. Like I said each one breaks my heart in the end, and I think my hearts have had enough knocks for a long while."

"You would rather be lonely?" Rosita asked.

"For a while. Anyway, this is hardly a conversation to be had at Christmas. You're the only planet that have Christmas, it should be filled with laughter and good will."

"And so it shall!" Jackson declared, lifting the mood. He stood and lifted his glass. "To you Doctor. I'm sure it is never said enough and from what I remember of being you, you have no small task ahead of you. So as humble as my offering is to the Lord of Time; God bless you, Doctor and thank you, for all you do for our insignificant lives. What we have done to deserve such a champion I can only guess, but I'm grateful we have. You have given me back my life and my son. I only wish there was some way to repay you.

Please, tell us of some adventures you've had." Jackson sat grinning at the Time Lord who grinned back.

The night continued in the way a Christmas should; with laughter and silly stories, cheering world weary bones and soothing the year's troubles, even for just a few hours.

XxXxX


	47. Planet of the Dead

The Doctor paced the TARDIS. That's twice now. Twice that some one has spoken about his 'song'.

"I think your song must end soon. Every song must end."

"But you be careful because your song is ending, sir."

He knew he was treading a thin line in this body. He'd survived more that he should have and had even prevented a complete regeneration thanks to Jack weird way of detecting him. But it was Carmen's second warning that really hit him.

"It is returning, it is returning through the dark. And then, Doctor... Oh but then, he will knock four times."

What did it mean, what and who was she talking about? She started off by saying 'it' and the she said 'he will knock'.

Whoever it was he was of the opinion it wouldn't be good. No one ever warned him about anything good.

Except if you count the ominous 'she is returning'. That turned out to be a mix of good and bad. He got to see Rose again but then the world was almost destroyed, he had to send her back to the other universe with his double and he had to lose Donna.

No, overall these types of warnings are never good.

"He will knock four times."

He wracked his brain trying to think of all the people he didn't want to see and found that the list was far too long.

Maybe he would be lucky and he'd bump into Jack. He was the impatient sort who might knock four times.

The Doctor scoffed at himself, knowing that he wouldn't be that lucky.

"Well, someone thinks the death knell is tolling for me. Carmen said it and the Ood said it. And let's face it; they were right about Doctor-Donna, weren't they? Bit of a shame really, I quite like this body. It's been one of the better ones, although it had big hair again. It's either big hair or hardly any hair, never in between. The big question is; who is he? Who's going to knock, where and why?" He looked up and laughed. "Talking to myself again, it really must be the beginning of the end. Still, best not dwell. I'm not gone yet, and there's plenty to see out there. I wonder how Donna's getting on these days. Back to her old self I'll bet. But she's safe there. They're all safer without me. Right. Enough. Let's get moving. Time to move on, but first…." He pulled out his mobile phone and grinned to himself as he dialled. "Why not?... Doctor Malcolm Taylor? This is the Doctor. Just a quick message to say; you were brilliant and thank you."

Feeling very pleased with himself the Doctor moved to the control panels and set the TARDIS in motion.

"Allon-sy old girl."

XxXxX


	48. Waters of Mars

"For a long time now, I thought I was just a survivor. But I'm not...I'm a winner, that's who I am. The Time Lord Victorious."

"But that's what you do. You're the Doctor. You save people"

"Not this time. Pompeii is a fixed point in history. What happens, happens. There's no stopping it."  
"Says who?"  
"says me."  
"What, and you're in charge?"  
"TARDIS, Time Lord yeah!"

"The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world, or a relationship... Everything has its time. And everything ends."

"Doctor, you can stop now,"

"It's not the one pointing the gun at me."

"I think sometimes you need someone to stop you."

"Look around you! Nothing but death and destruction!"

"I'm telling you right now. I am NOT having ONE more dead. You got that? Not ONE!"

"What about you, Doctor? What the hell are you changing into?"

"Your song is ending Sir. It is returning, it is returning through the dark. And then, Doctor... Oh but then, he will knock four times."

They'd all seen it. They'd all seen what he was capable of, but they'd stopped him going over the edge. Why couldn't he stop himself this time? He knew that he was meant to keep the timeline in tact, not meant to interfere with fixed points in time. Hadn't he told Rose the same thing when she'd saved her father? What was the point in following the fundamental rules all this time? He knew they'd been created for a reason back back on Mars he'd lost sight of the bigger picture. Why had their panic got to him? He heard peopl's last wods everyday, they were always in his minf, always speaking to him. Why was today any different?

Because the bell is tolling!

Why was the impending regeneration affecting him so? He'd done it so many times before.

Because you're alone. There's no one to stop you, no one to talk to and no one to care!

The last time he;d regenerated Rose had been there, disbelieveing at first but she'd been there. But he'd liked being Doctor Mark 10. Doctor 10 had had Donna, Martha and Rose. He'd fallen in love; something he'd never thought he was capable of. He'd had his heart broken, and not just romantically. When he thought of it that way, he shold be gland an end was on the horizon, he should hope that his hurt wouldn;t follow him to his eleventh.

Rose, Donna,Sarah-Jane, Martha, even Jack. They would all be so ashamed of him, he'd done the one thing he'd vowed bever to do. Never change a set event. And when had he decided that any human was a "little person"? When had any human being become any less important than another. It was those "Little People" that made the great things happen.

He shuddered when he realised how much he sounded like the Master. He'd enjoyed those few moments of darkness that had clouded his mind, enjoyed defying those he'd run from all those centuries ago. He'd run away from the Time Lords so that he wouldn't become them - vengeful, self-important, lording it over the universe. Deciding who could go where or when. In those moments on the idyllic, snow covered London street, he'd become one of them.

But would having someone beside him have changed anything? He thought back to Pompeii and how Donna had begged him to save people. He did it.

Sarah-Jane had reminded him that bringing back his people by joining with the Krillitane had been a bad idea. "Everything has it's time"

Would any of them have stopped him on Mars?

Rose?

Rose had saved the life of her father and had seen what could happen if you changed history - but what about the future? Would his warnings have applied? Would she have kicked up a fuss and been able to talk him round? Probably not.

Jack?

Jack was the man who'd been there and back again. He'd seen the future and the past. He understood how the universe worked. Yes, Jack could possibly have stopped him - he could have dragged him back to the TARDIS kicking and screaming if necessary. What ever the Torchwood boss would have done, however he'd have dealt with it, he'd have seen the bigger picture. Jack would have made the Doctor do the right thing, even if it meant inflicting harm on him, he would never have let him win.

A thought struck him. Had anyone else commited suicide after meeting him? After being 'saved' by him? Sarah-Jane had waited for him, most seemed to have carried on with their lives, but he'd never checked on them, he never even thought of most ever again.

Martha's mother was right. Death followed in his footsteps, and soon he and Death would be neck and neck. He didn't know when or how or who. All he knew was that he would knock four times and there was no way of fighting it. No defence against the unknown. His time as his Tenth self was coming to and end - and what a time it had been! What a life he'd had. He'd have to write down all the things he didn't want to forget; the people who had shared time with him, those he'd laughed and run with, those he'd been terrified with. those he'd love and lost. Those who'd been scared of him and those who'd looked after him. Yes, if Ten's life was coming to an end he wanted to be sure Eleven remembered. There was no telling with regeneration and this time he'd have no friends to remind him.

His hearts clenched at that thought and he wondered which was worse; dying or dying alone? At least alone he couldnt hurt them and they couldn't hurt him. Hadn't he told Jackson Lane that he was better alone because his companions always break his heart? He thought about the last few months since losing Rose again and having to destroy Donna's memories. Martha and Donna had bridged the gap left by Rose; it was too deep to fill but they had made it bareable. Now there was just a gaping hole that had grown.

With death looming he was falling apart, he was making mistakes and letting his fear rule him. He needed help but had no one to turn to. He laughed ruefully. All the thousands or millions of people he had met and saved over the centuries and he had no one, not even a hand to hold. But that was as it should be wasn't it? They deserved better than a war-weary lone Time Lord. He hoped they were all happy, and content. Wished them every good thing, and most of all he never wanted them to turn out like him.

He had to remember that he had been loved and still was and that death wasn't the end; not yet. He had a while to go before that, if he bothered to regenerate.


End file.
